- - - - - here comes goodbye

[Jason Irving]

- - - - -“Good morning, honey,”

[/color] Jason said happily as he saw his fiancée walking into their kitchen, leaning over to give Annie a little kiss on her lips, his hand running across her large belly that kept him from pulling her any closer to him. “Sit, sit. How are you and Noah this morning?” Pulling away from her, his dark eyes shining happily, he walked over to the stove where he was cooking eggs for him and Ana, grabbing the fork and pushing them around a bit, looking rather satisfied with himself. Reaching up in one of the cabinets above his head, he pulled out a couple plates, sliding some of the scrambled eggs onto each plate. Jumping a bit as he heard a slight popping noise, he grabbed the toast that had popped out of their toaster and set it on her plate, smearing it with butter. “Jelly?” he asked her, sliding the plate in front of her, next to a glass of orange juice. Sitting down across from her, setting his own plate in front of him, he smiled, poking at the eggs with his fork. If it wasn’t clear, he was quite excited for their next appointment, his eyes falling on all of the sonogram pictures on the fridge.

- - - - -Cleaning up the plates after breakfast, or rather, rinsing them off and plopping them in the dishwasher, Jason glanced over at his fiancée, more than happy to do more and more the more she was showing. The last thing she needed was to strain herself a bit and hurt herself or Noah. Glancing at the clock as he finished up, he smiled warmly at Ana. “Ready to head out? We’ll probably get there five, maybe ten minutes early, but I guess that’s better than late,” he said, chuckling a bit. Yes, he was excited. Oh, he knew it was going to be hard, but he was finally calmed down enough to make everything seem realistic instead of having too much to do. He knew he was going to have to drop a couple classes towards the end of the day so he could do both his internship and pick up a part time job, and though it might mean an extra year of school, it meant less stress for him and in the long run, it would work out better. It would give him more time to work and most importantly, more time with his family.

- - - - -Sliding his foot into one of his white Vans, his fingers brushed against the necklace that had been one of the Christmas presents from his mom and dad, a tiny smile flickering across his face. With a little sigh, Jason held open the door to his silver Mercedes for Ana, watching her carefully as she maneuvered her way in. As he had assumed, he was now a thousand times more protective of her, making sure she didn’t set a foot down in an uncomfortable way when she was with him and when she wasn’t, he was almost always worrying. Oh, he assumed he was practically smothering her at times and he had loosened up a bit, but he just didn’t want anything to go wrong, but at the same time, he didn’t want her to get sick of him. Walking over to his side of the car, he settled himself in and turned it on, grinning at her as he heard the car begin to purr as he handed his iPod over to her. “Not too loud,” he reminded her with a smile as he backed out of the garage.

- - - - -Jason’s leg bounced a bit as it always did when he was impatient or excited as they sat in the waiting room, his fingers wrapped around Ana’s. When their name was finally called, his eyes lit up as he stood, waiting patiently for Annie. While he was nearly always optimistic, looking at the pictures of their son before he was born was fascinating to him. Sitting on a char beside the table Ana was on, his fingers once again curling through hers, pulling her hand up to his lips as he gave it a little kiss, an adoring smile on his handsome face. Looking over at the screen he had become accustom to looking at during these appointments, he gave Ana’s hand a little squeeze, excited to see how much their little boy had grown.

- - - - -The technician seemed to be taking a bit longer than usual to find something to show them and though at first Jason didn’t think to be concerned about it, he knew something was different as he watched the tech’s expression change. Something wasn’t right and he didn’t like it. A thousand thoughts seemed to flood his mind all at once, as they tended to do when something seemed wrong, and the last, clear thought terrified him, his fingers tightening around Ana’s nervously. Of course, the next thing he heard from the technician made his heart fall, and it felt like it shattered when it hit the floor. His last, most terrifying thought had been the correct one out of all the possible horrors. “Miss Bailey, Mister Irving, I’m not exactly sure how to say this, but I’ve tried a few different ways and I can’t detect a heartbeat. I’m so sorry…”

- - - - -

tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 882
outfit ,. click
car ,. Mercedes Benz
notes ,. awww, so sad. it's not as long as i would have liked, but it's a starting post so...
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[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - The click clack of Ana's heels announced her presence well before she made it into the kitchen, her eyebrows raising when she realized it wasn't her crazy pregnancy nose making her think she'd smelled breakfast from the bathroom. "Good morning," she replied, leaning a bit so he could kiss her more easily, smiling at him somewhat brightly. Internally she was all nerves. Though that was common before sonograms, it was especially strong today, and she couldn't pin point why. Tossing her gaze over at the stove, she half-smiled, asking teasingly, "What do you want," though she knew he wasn't actually wanting anything so there was no need to answer. Ambling over to the big wood table for six that was really only so large for when they had family over, she took a seat to the right of the head of the table, her usual spot, gazing back into the kitchen when he asked about her and the baby, more than used to the question by now. There were times his over protectiveness was a bit obnoxious, other times it made her feel special. "I'm good, he's... quiet," she assessed after a pause, not realizing at the moment the utter ominance of her statement. Slipping off one of her heels she reached down to massage the arch of her foot, finding it to be a bit of a stretch over her five months pregnant belly. Heels had never bothered her in the slightest until fairly recently with her recent weight gain from the baby. Gazing into the kitchen she watched him cook. There were times, like this one, Annie would just as well stay pregnant forever, though she knew Jason pressed himself harder than necessary on her account. She giggled when he jumped at the sound of the toaster, rolling her eyes a bit before answering his question, "Marmalade." Ana grinned at him as he set the plate down, putting her shoe back on and turning in her chair so she was no longer sideways, telling him 'thank you' before showing her gratitude with a little squeeze of his butt before he could walk away. Picking up one of the pieces of bacon she took a bite, watching his clear excitement as she ate. If there was one thing she loved more than anything about her fiancé it would be the child-like excitement he was able to exude, and the way it always managed to get to her, too.

- - - - - Following him into the kitchen after breakfast she slid her sunglasses onto her head and hung her black knock-off Chanel purse on her shoulder, sliding her new iPhone he'd gotten her for Christmas out to check for any missed calls or texts. The background of him kissing her at midnight on New Years Eve that oddly enough his kid brother had snapped made her smile. Depositing it back in the quilted bag, she waited for him to finish up with the dishes, again feeling rather spoiled, and just a bit too coddled. It wasn't that Jason wasn't always willing to help, really before she'd gotten pregnant there'd been a relatively even split in what they did, but he'd definitely started doing more and more work in the last few months. It bothered her, and yet she knew he wouldn't take no for an answer. When he asked if she was ready to leave, Ana shrugged a bit, though she was clearly ready to go, putting on a sultry tone, "We can find a lot to do in ten minutes." She waited seriously until he responded before giggling and giving him a quick kiss, her hands resting on his shoulders, "Oh, you're still fun." Little moments like that were the only time she still felt like more than just his broodmare, like she was still his hot little fiancé. She still wished this had never happened for the most part, despite the contradictory attachment she felt toward her baby boy. Even if in reality things were working out ok, emotion wise she was still a mess, still wished things could go back to the way they had been. She liked having that special place in Jason's heart that only she held as the mom to his baby, but she'd been rather suited before, and hadn't been able to really enjoy, being his fiancé, the girl that had him for life in only a few short months.

- - - - - Walking out into the garage with him she slid in as he held her door for her, running her fingers across his chest, darting her eyes up with a smile. Sliding into the comfy passenger seat without much trouble, her belly really wasn't big enough yet to be awkward, just different than what she was used to. Resting at an angle against the door, her head rocked slightly back, Annie watched him settle in beside her and smile as he turned the car on. Honestly, she did the exact same thing; there was a certain happiness a car as nice as his could bring a person, no matter how used they were to it. Ana's eyes rolled and she laughed a bit at his caution, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek as he backed out, putting it on Journey, her pretty voice singing along to "Faithfully." There had been a time when she couldn't listen to the song, as it had been one of theirs, his ringer on her phone for a while, even. When he had cheated it had pulled all meaning out of the song for her, made it seem like a dirty lie. Anymore though it didn't really bother her a whole lot.

- - - - - Relaxed back in the slightly padded waiting room chairs that had been her home around a year ago through his two surgeries and various check-ups she hadn't been allowed back for. They hadn't been in this waiting room, of course, but they were uniform throughout the building. One hand was linked with his, the other was flipping through a copy of Cosmopolitan that had been sitting out on the waiting room table, pausing on an article about sexting, giving his hand a squeeze to get his attention, her eyebrow raising suggestively. She was clearly teasing, though, just maybe not entirely. "Didn't you say neuroanatomy gets pretty boring," she asked with a little grin, directing her eyes at the magazine before back at him with a smirk. She looked up from their little conversation when she heard her name, pronounced incorrectly as Anna, though she was used to the mistake in doctor's offices. She waited a moment to make sure no one else responded to the name who might actually be named Anna, before setting the magazine down on the table and heading toward the woman in scrubs, her hand still in Jason's.

- - - - - Walking in to the small room she jumped just slightly on the balls of her feet, before hopping up onto the exam table. Sliding her jacket off she handed it to Jason before lifting her shirt up off her rounded stomach to where it rested hiked up just below her chest before pushing her jeans a bit lower. She was used to the routine by now. She looked away from the technician as she brought out her squirt bottle of gel when he gave her hand a squeeze, smiling as he brought it to her lips. A toothy little grin spread her lips at his adoring look, before moving just enough to kiss him, gasping as their lips touched before laughing. The technician had squirted the cold gel on her right at that moment and she couldn't keep from gasping at its coolness. It was one thing she hadn't gotten used to and didn't think she would before it was all over.

- - - - - Fidgetting a bit impatiently, Ana watched the goldish hue screen, waiting for the tech to point out an arm or to see his face. This was their first three-dimensional sonogram which made this all the more exciting. They would be able to actually see his face, not just an outline on a fuzzy screen. She waited, beginning to get a touch nervous as the other woman's face took on an unsure, more concentrated look. Feeling Jason's fingers squeeze hers she knew he'd seen it, too. At the woman's words Ana felt her jaw drop a bit as her face blanched, overwhelmed with the half a million emotions hitting her at once; grief, guilt, and even a touch of relief that, when she realized she felt it, only added to her guilt. Her fingers had a death-grip on her fiancé's the entire time as she watched the technician offer something like a smile before excusing herself to get the doctor. A completely horrified look on her face, she propped herself up slightly, fear clear in her eyes as she brushed her shirt back down, not even having realized the technician had wiped the gel off.

- - - - - She sat all the way up on the table, her hand somehow losing Jason's in the process as she brought her legs closer, Indian style, and wrapped her arms around her belly, her belly that would be gone much sooner than she'd ever intended. Dropping her head into her hands she held it that way, her fingers wrapping in her curls before she began to rock back and forth a bit to comfort herself. She was terrified, completely terrified of what was about to happen, even though she wasn't entirely sure what that was, and any other emotion had kind of taken a back seat. It wasn't even really real that her baby had died inside of her, that the little boy they called Noah would never get the chance to really live. It was something too hard to take and she couldn't truly absorb the pain of her loss just yet. After a moment though she turned her head in her hands and looked over at Jason, her eyes dead as she took him in. "I'm sorry," she told him just above a whisper, cracking as she tried to say the last word, knowing there was no worser thing she could have done than this, that he probably never could look at her her same way again. She looked up as a tall, partially gray-headed man entered the room in a white lab coat, not even for a moment thinking to herself he was attractive as he began his solemn speech, "I am so sorry for your loss. Miss Bailey, you have two options. Naturally, within a week your body should go into labor, but if you'd prefer we can induce you today." The blond didn't think for a moment, didn't even stop to confer with Jason. She was not walking around for days like this, knowing there was not a life inside of her anymore. "Induce me."

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 1,844
- - - - - outfit click
- - - - - notes i managed one of my longer posts! woo!

[Jason Irving]

- - - - -A full laugh slipped from Jason when Ana said there was a lot that could get done in ten minutes. “Well, these kitchen counters are good for more than just cooking on,” he responded, that teasing little smirk across his handsome face as he rested his hands on her hips, his fingers from one hand sliding underneath of her shirt. His dark eyes rolled a bit when she teased him, not quite sure how to take it at first, but then he let out an overly sarcastic sigh. “But of course I’m still fun, you wouldn’t be sleeping with me if I wasn’t, am I right?” As she pulled away after her quick kiss, he leaned in for another, longer kiss, his arms pulling her close. The one hand that had been partially under her shirt slid around to her belly, resting very lightly on it as he pulled his lips from her, simply looking happy. That was just the way she made him, though, pregnant or not. Regardless of what she thought, his feelings towards her and her appearance hadn’t changed since she started showing. Yes, he was much more protective of her and he did see her as the mother of his child, but he didn’t think she was unattractive simply because she had a baby bump now nor did he see her as mom-like. Well, not in a bad way. He thought she would make an excellent mother, but she still knew how to have fun.

- - - - -He let out a little sigh as she slipped past him to get into his car, her fingers brushing against his chest. “You drive me crazy sometimes,” he said, knowing she wouldn’t at all take that in a bad way. She was the only person who had ever made him feel like that. Yes, he had had one sexual relationship in the past but it was nothing like his relationship with Ana. As he had told her, she drove him crazy. “Hey, hey,” he said, laughing a bit as she rolled her eyes. “Better safe than sorry.” He definitely didn’t want to damage their son’s ears before he was born, though he had taken to playing the piano for Noah when he actually had spare time. He had always wondered if the beautiful sound from the instrument would bring out a bit more life in their unborn son who had never been incredibly active in the womb, though maybe that was just the way Jason saw it as he had only felt him move twice. Ana would definitely feel more of his subtle movements, but the strong kicks he had only been able to feel a couple times, when he had already been resting his hand on her stomach.

- - - - -Jiggling his foot boredly as he sat in the chair next to Ana, his fingers intertwined with hers, he was hardly paying attention to what she was reading. Instead, he glanced around the waiting room, a slight wave of uneasiness washing over him as it always did anytime he was forced to sit in one. It had nothing to do with what they were there for, just the reminders of previous visits where he had been poked and prodded before the doctor proceeded to tell him that he would once again need surgery. Of course, after that visit, anytime he returned he had been fearful that he would be told the same thing again and even when he wasn’t sitting in the same waiting room, that anxiety still would build up a bit, simply because all of the waiting rooms he had been in were almost exactly the same. His foot stopped jiggling when she squeezed his hand and he glanced over at her, giving a little shrug when she asked him about neuroanatomy, giving a little shrug of his shoulders completely dense to what she was showing him at first. “Yeah, it’s not the most exciting-” he broke off when he realized what exactly she was gesturing at and he returned her little smirk, just about to pull his iPhone from his pocket when he saw her look up. He hadn’t been paying attention when the name called had been Anna, though one would think after he had been here with her multiple times, he would be use to it by now. When she stood up, he was right behind her, giving her hand an excited little squeeze as they walked back to the familiar little room. Taking Ana’s jacket, he slid it over the arm farthest from her, giving her hand a small kiss. As she leaned towards him, he laughed as their lips touched, hearing her little gasp. He knew what the feel of cold sun block felt like on his back and he could only imagine that the gel felt quite similar, turning his eyes to the screen as the picture popped up.

- - - - -Jason could feel his hand beginning to go numb from Annie’s death grip on it, but at that moment it felt like every part of him was numb. That couldn’t be true. No, there was something wrong with the equipment; that could happen, right? He was too shocked to really feel any sort of grief for the time being. If it was true, which he was still telling himself it wasn’t, he knew it would hit him soon enough. As she sat up on the table, his hand falling from hers, he stood up and set her jacket on the chair where he had been sitting as he watched her holding her belly before her fingers slid up to her curls. “Come here,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her as she rocked, holding her tightly against him. He shifted a bit so he was sitting on the table beside her, his strong arms still wrapped around her. It wasn’t real to him yet, but perhaps that could be because he hadn’t been the one carrying their little boy. A shocked look crossed his face when Ana’s dead eyes met his and she apologized and he shook his head firmly, resting his fingers on her chin to tilt her head up a bit. “Ana, listen to me. This is not your fault,” he said firmly, his eyes making it clear that he believed every word he had said. “This, these things…happen,” he said slowly, knowing that however awful it was, it was true. But regardless of if it was true or not, the numbers meant nothing until they were proven. Racking his brain, he knew he was just trying to pull himself out of the situation, he tried to think of the percentage of how many first time mothers-to-be lost their first child, but his thought process was interrupted as an older man walked in, his eyes dulling at the awful words he spoke. He turned his gaze to Ana when she was given the two options, not at all upset by her choice. If anything, he thought it would be for the better; at least she would be fully watched while she was here instead of going into labor in any amount of places. He could understand why she wouldn’t want to be reminded every time she looked in the mirror and saw her baby bump that the child inside was no longer alive.

- - - - -As they were led down the hall to another, more suiting room, Jason put his arm on Ana’s waist. This wasn’t the way that this was suppose to go. Why had he managed to knock her up way before they were ready to start a family just for them to lose the baby? The hand that wasn’t on her hip reached up to the necklace around his neck, touching the cold, metal cross angrily as he shoved it inside of his shirt. What kind of god would want to cause this much hurt? He knew the way most people saw it, it was unreasonable to believe in both science and a god, but he had grown up that way, both of his surgeon parents taking him to church every Sunday they both managed to get off. Now he just couldn’t help but wonder if all of that was just a load of crap.

- - - - -Settling into the room, Jason left Ana’s side for a moment to allow her to change into the hospital gown they had given her. If this had been a happier moment, he probably would have teased her about how he was suppose to be the one wearing the hospital gowns, not her, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment with the mood so solemn. As she climbed into the hospital bed, he stepped right over to her, reaching down for her hand, his other hand running through her hair as they waited for the doctors to come in and start to induce her. They only had to wait another moment or so, Jason by her side as they began prepping her. He was terrified; he had no idea what was going to happen and that he could do absolutely nothing other than stand by her side and simply be there for her. All he knew was that it was going to be a long day with no blue bundle of joy for them to bring back to their house at the end and that regardless, he wasn’t going to leave her side even if it would save the world.

- - - - -

tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,572
outfit ,. click
notes ,.

[/blockquote]

[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - A frisky look crossed Ana's face at his response to her tease, tossing her head a bit. "Is that so," she asked him, completely playing the part of a temptress as she did so very well, her eyes drifting over to the very spot he'd so long ago lifted her onto and held her so close to his warm body, desperate for her. It was a feeling she'd never forget. She had to tease him though for the look that then crossed his face. It was not that their relationship was boring by any means it just wasn't what it used to be and that was not something she'd been able to reconcile with herself yet. "True," she murmured before pressing her lips to his, even if things were, admittedly, a lot less hot than she was used to. It sort of surprised her when he caught her before she slipped away to kiss her again, loving the attention at least until his hand worked its way around to her belly. She had come to not like the gesture anymore, in perfect honesty and her lips lost some of their smile. When he pulled back though, his look redeemed him and she had to smile once more, heading out to the garage. Her only response to his words as she slid into the car was a vixenish gaze from beneath her lashes and a self-satisfied, "I know."

- - - - - Her head ducked to rest against his shoulder when he came to her side, not entirely conscious of the movement to seek his comfort. She only knew she wanted it, needed it. She shifted even closer to him when he moved to sit beside her, wishing the twinges of horror and sadness would leave her be for now. She had so many more important things to deal with right now. Lifting her head she felt the need to tell him what was on her mind, to apologize for this horrible thing that happened to them, feeling it was undoubtedly her fault. It was her, after all, that had been the lifesource of their child. Moving to turn her head away in shame once more, it surprised her when he stopped her with his fingers on her chin, reluctantly giving him the eye contact he clearly wanted. She could merely shrug at his words, already turning into herself with the emotions she was feeling, as she so often did. Sure they happened. Lots of things happened, but that didn't mean they should. Car wrecks happened; that didn't mean that made the pain they caused lessen any. Planes crashed, people blew things up, that might be life, but it wasn't supposed to affect her. But wasn't that how everyone saw things?

- - - - - With her blue eyes practically glued to the floor as they shuffled down the hall, Ana let out a sigh as he put his arm around her waist, knowing it was his way of trying to protect and reassure her. Not that it worked. Every bit of her was currently focused on her fear. She knew delivering a baby that according to the books she had so faithfully been reading was only two-thirds of a pound wouldn't be especially strenuous, not the way it would be if she was full term, but the unknown still terrified her. Her eyes looked up when she felt a change in his mood beside her, only to catch the way he so bitterly thrust the necklace into his shirt. She remembered when he'd opened it on Christmas morning, frowning a bit to herself when she remembered one of its charms was a cross, not sure if that had anything to do with it or not.

- - - - - She tried to look appreciative as the nurse sat out a gown for her to change into and promised to be back with her IVs shortly. Letting out a sigh, Ana settled down on the bed, curious in that uncomfortable way as to how Jason would take the sight of her naked stomach, knowing there was no life inside of it. Pulling her loose blouse over her head and reaching back to let the sheer bra fall off her shoulders, she glanced up subtly, not sure what to expect before ducking her head once more and putting the gown on before kicking off her black peep-toes and sliding out of her jeans and boy shorts. "Can you tie me," she asked him quietly, turning so he could. Once he was done she headed to grab her purse, slipping out her phone and unlocking it, before moving to sit back on the edge of the bed and dialing her mother, explaining the situation in hushed Spanish, not so much because she merely wanted to, but as a protection for Jason who didn't need the matter to slap him in the face more than it already had. After asking her mother to bring her a change of clothes and a few other things from their house, before ending the call and setting the phone aside on a little table. She glanced up with a small, grateful smile when he took her hand and gently ran his fingers through her hair, opening her lips to say something, before closing them. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to say the three words on the tip of her tounge, she was just scared to, having no idea if his response would be the same as normal.

- - - - - When the door opened and the nurse walked in with a couple of IV bags Ana let out a resigned sigh and moved to lie on the bed with a half-elevated back, nodding her head as the nurse explained what she was about to do, a nervous look across her features before she turned that look to Jason, who was certainly much more used to this than she. It was a wonder the girl seriously had planned to deliver without drugs in a few months when slow whine left her lips as the needle pierce the skin of her forearm. At the nurse's chipper "There you go!" Annie again dropped her eyes, wondering if the woman realized she was being induced with no hope of taking home a baby. As the woman left Ana slid beneath the blankets, feeling much too exposed in the thin gown before patting the half of the matress left on the wide bed. "Well come on. It's going to be a while," she told him with another little half-smile, still unable to quite meet his eye. It was funny how the most bittersweet of their moments together were in hospital beds.

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 1,129
- - - - - outfit click
- - - - - notes sadness.

[Jason Irving]

- - - - - As his hand rested on her hip, Jason heard Ana let out a sigh and he almost let his hand slip from her. Almost. He wasn’t doing his job; he wasn’t keeping her safe like he was suppose to. He was doing what he could to be strong for her, to not let this break him, but it was getting difficult. He hated how she seemed to be reluctant to meet his eye as she had been when he had asked for it. He had been completely honest, she should have know that. He didn’t blame her at all. This sort of thing happened far more often than it should as far as he was concerned. He wished that he could see what was going on in her mind so he could know what he needed to do for her. The truth was he was terrified - he had no idea what was going to happen throughout the rest of the day. Yes, he was in his fifth year of medical school and he was interning at this very hospital, but he hadn’t done anything with newborns or childbirth or premature babies. He was completely unable to talk her through what they were going to do or comfort her in anyway possible. What else was he going to be able to do other than simply stand at her side?

- - - - - Nodding his head in a thankful way to the nurse, he watched her disappear out of the door before his eyes turned back to Ana sitting on the hospital bed. As she had taught herself to no longer glance at the scars he was so self conscious of on his side, he kept his eyes on her face as she slid her top off, not wanting to glance down at her belly that would basically be gone by the end of the day and remind her further of what was going on. As she reached behind her to take off her bra, he turned his head away, the slightest hint of a smirk on his face. This wasn’t the time for any sort of jokes as it would be if this was happening normally. Watching from the corner of his eye, he waited until she was sure she was finished getting dressed, or undressed, however you wanted to look at it, and turn to face her, her quite voice slicing through him like a knife. “Of course,” he said, equally as quiet as he stepped toward her, tying the gown loosely around her, giving her a little kiss on her forehead before she began to rummage through her purse and he stepped over to the little uncomfortable chair beside the bed, sitting down in it as she spoke to whom he was now certain was her mother in soft Spanish. Usually that wouldn’t bother him, but this time it did. He still wanted to know what was going through her mind and with her speaking in a tongue foreign to him, there was no way he was going to find out easily.

- - - - - His eyes glanced up at her as she hung up the phone and he returned to her side, hating the site of her in a hospital gown. He was the one who was suppose to be in pain in the hospital beds, not her. As she gave him a small smile, he returned it with one of his own, his eyebrows furrowing a bit, curious, as she opened her mouth before closing it again. “What is it?” he asked quietly, though she was saved from answering him as the nurse walked back in. He pulled his hand from her hair as she laid down on the bed, guilt washing over him. None of this wouldn’t be happening if he had just stopped and thought for two seconds on their way back to their hotel room. Had he been just an ounce more responsible, he would have never knocked her up in the first place and they wouldn’t be in the hospital room now, waiting to deliver a little boy who never got to take his first breaths.

- - - - - Jason flashed Ana an encouraging little smile as she cast a nervous look at him when the nurse explained what she was going to do. Most of it he understood. His protectiveness seemed to kick in again as she whimpered as the needle slid into her vein and the pain reflected in his eyes as he knew there was nothing he could do. He had felt the pinch of the IV needles time and time again so they no longer bothered him. Besides, the last time he had a needle in his arm, Ana’s mother had accidentally stabbed him in the arm with a knife when he had simply been standing too close to her and between the pain from that and the fact that he felt like he had been going to pass out any second, he hardly felt the needle and the time before that, he had been unconscious in the back of an ambulance. His eyes followed the nurse out of the room before they returned to Ana, watching her wiggle underneath of the blanket, about to ask her if she wanted him to get her another before she patted the other half of the mattress. His lips curved upwards a bit, not quite meeting his eyes as he realized she still wouldn’t look directly at him before he stepped out of his shoes and laid down beside her, his fingers once again brushing through her hair. Once again, if it weren’t for him, they wouldn’t be struggling with their relationship.

- - - - -

- - - - - Standing beside Ana, her hand in his, Jason could feel his heart racing and not exactly in a good way. This wasn’t how he pictured the birth of his first child going at all and watching all of the pain that Ana was going through even with Noah only being at five months, he was beginning to wonder if he would want to ever put her through this again. For so long, their plans had been to have two kids, hopefully one boy and one girl if things worked out as planned, not that they ever did, but watching her suffer with every contraction made him doubt he’d want her to suffer again. And it’s not like they were getting to take their baby home this time. Maybe if they actually got to hold him and see his tiny hands curl around theirs, maybe then this would have all be worth it. Giving her hand a little squeeze, he flashed her a little, encouraging smile. He hadn’t left her side yet and he wasn’t planning on leaving her until this was over and done with.

- - - - -

tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,127
outfit ,. click
notes ,. =[

[/blockquote]

[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - It was certainly not intentional that Ana was coming off as so very cold toward him, or emotionally unavailable, however one chose to interpret it. Loss, however, was never a demon she'd had to fight. Aside from a beloved pet cat as a teenager, she'd only ever had to deal with the death of her father, which wasn't nearly the same as the loss of someone she'd loved and wanted in her life. With her dad she'd cried because of the memories and feelings she'd associated with him, not because she missed him. Even if she had, though, it wouldn't have compared to the current emotions coursing through her. Not only did she feel responsible for what had happened with Noah, was it not her that should have noticed when his kicks became less and less as now made sense in her mind, but she'd developed a deep maternal love for him, despite herself. He had come into being because of Jason and Ana's love for each other; that alone made him special. And no matter how one tried to spin it, he was her son. She had had hopes and dreams for him like any mother would. That he would never really live, nevermind be her sweet little boy or a man she gazed at with adoration like she'd watched Sophie do with Jason broke her heart worse than anything she'd ever known.

- - - - - Gratitude washed over her to know she had his support, regardless of how hard this was. He hadn't shied from it, he hadn't blamed her, even if she blamed herself. As always, she knew she was a lucky woman, but for some reason she didn't feel like she deserved to lean on him like she normally did. As he held her hand and gently combed his fingers through her hair she started to tell him though that she loved him, before halting herself. Her blue eyes gazed at his face and she bit her lip when he asked her what she was going to say. "I just," she started before the nurse came in with the bag of pitocin and her eyes were drawn to it, slightly horrified as she numbly moved up the bed to where she'd spend most of the rest of the day. Though she'd had blood drawn and been given shots in the past, IVs were never something she'd had to deal with. However she had no love of the painful little needles whatsoever, clear by her little whine as the nurse stuck it in.

- - - - - As he laid down beside her, she cuddled closer, resting her head on his shoulder and sliding her hand down to wrap through his free one. Shutting her eyes she tried not to focus on the cool rush beneath her skin as the drug coursed through her veins. She wished she hadn't drawn her thoughts away though as her focus went instead to the quiet in her belly, nibbling her lip and squeezing his hand tighter to try to block her emotions. She could be emotional later, now was not the time. Yet the tears that were building up were practically unstoppable and quietly, with no real sobbing or anything to give it away, began to darken her fiancé's shirt. "I'm sorry," she whispered once more, too quietly for him to make it out without some inference. If she had just not made him take her dancing it would have all been ok. She should have known it was not a good idea, she'd seen the way he watched her when she danced solo while she did dishes or cleaned. Or at least she could have been more insistant instead of assuming one form of protection was enough. Had her mother not told her during "the talk" to take responsibility for herself and never to rely on someone else? Heck, if she'd just never talked to him he would have never known this sort of pain. It was all so unfair, so wrong, that she had lost her child and hurt the man she loved.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - Squeezing Jason's hand to the point that, knowing him, it could very well break, Ana gritted her teeth and pushed as she'd been instructed by the doctor, practically growling with the effort. How could something so small cause so much pain? It had been nearly half an hour and it felt like they had gotten no where, despite what the doctor promised. Her face bright red with the effort and covered in moisture she squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks as she again closed her hand around his, growling once more. As the doctor asked her to stop for a moment Ana fell back against the bed, crying harder. This was not how it had looked on tv or in the movies, not at all. It felt as though her baby was ripping right out of her and truly, that was exactly what was happening. Her gaze drifting to Jason she gave him a miserable look, not at all meaning to make him feel guilty, merely hoping for some sort of encouragement. Her head turned with a groan when the doctor asked her for two more pushes and she picked her small frame up with the force, this time actually screeching for a second before letting her breath out in a whoosh and putting force into the final push that had been requested of her, hating with all her being that she heard no baby's cry. Falling heavily back she collapsed into a few sobs, scarcely noticing what was happening at the end of the bed as they finished up and did goodness knew what with her baby, her lifeless little boy. Her tears weren't really because of the pain, but because of the pointlessness of her effort. It was so futile, so pointless what she'd spent the last eight hours going through. Her chest rising and falling her tears stopped and she looked up at Jason and as she saw the expression on his face a look of utter sadness crossed hers, before dropping her head back to rest on her cheek.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - The next two hours sort of drifted past as the bed linens were changed and Ana changed into another set of clothes. A new IV had replaced the other, this one to stop the excessive bleeding she'd had that had been truly scary for a little while. Completely exhausted, Anabel contemplated sleep, but her thoughts were much too busy for her to have any sleep worth having, so instead she just laid there, scarcely aware of Jason's presence at times as caught up as she was in her thoughts. Rolling from where she'd been dozing, or at least attempting it, with her back to him, she placed her head delicately on his chest, gazing at him for a long moment. "How can you not blame me," she asked in a raspy voice, shaking her head, breaking into tears as soon as his lips opened, halting him with her own words, "He died inside of me. Our child died inside of me," she blubbered, repeating herself as though the realization had just occured to her, though the thought had been on her mind since they'd been informed of his death. Yet finding some small bit of comfort in finally letting him know what had been on her mind, she couldn't stop herself from continuing. "I'm sorry," she again shuddered, calming a bit after that as she sniffed, shaking her head.

- - - - - But before they could make any true headway into some sort of acceptance over what had happened there was a knock and a tall woman dressed in business attire glided into the room, taking a seat in one of the chairs by the bed and introducing herself before explaining she was a social worker, there to aid them in their loss. Ana tried not to snort indignantly. What could this woman do to ease the pain gnawing at her, the guilt, the horror that her baby's soul might very well be in jeopardy despite her prayers that in his innocence he be allowed into heaven? Ana gazed unsurely at the woman as she asked what their plans were for his body, her little frame beginning to shake a bit and she left Jason to answer. She could scarcely bare to think about their child, nevermind burying him. She ignored the comforting words the woman then turned to, covering herself up in other, less comforting thoughts, not paying attention until there was a lull. "Um, before anything more is done, I need to know if one or both of you wants to see him. It, well, it helps a lot of couples to heal," she explained and Ana merely swallowed, scared to do that. She looked unsurely up at Jason, then over to the social worker, before back at Jason. "Can we talk it over," she asked, offering what could scarcely be called a smile at the woman as she agreed, leaving them be. Shifting, Ana looked to her fiancé and bit her lip, whispering, "I'm not sure I can."

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 1600 even
- - - - - outfit click

[Jason Irving]

- - - - - As she moved closer to him, he tilted his head so it rested on top of hers, knowing that it was going to be a long day. Feeling her fingers wrap through his, he gave her hand a little squeeze to let her know he was there for her. After a moment, he felt part of his shirt getting damp and he rolled so he was facing her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. “Shhh,” he said gently, pressing his lips to her forehead. He was trying so hard to stay strong for her - he could break later - but it was getting difficult. He heard her quiet voice and it took a moment for him to register what it was that she had whispered. With his head resting on top of hers, he gave a little shake of his. “Stop,” he said firmly. “There’s nothing to apologize for, you didn’t do this.” He believed it, though he supposed he could see where she was coming from. And while he saw that, he still blamed it on himself. He knew the consequences and had known them at the time, but he had been so overcome by his lust for her all of that had been pushed to the back of his mind. And it wasn’t like they had hopped in a cab and started making out in it on the way back to their hotel room. No, they had walked back and had easily passed four, probably five stores that sold condoms, but he had been too busy flirting with her the entire way back to notice them.

- - - - -

- - - - - By this point, Jason’s hand had been numb for a while, though he honestly hadn’t noticed. It seemed like every part of him was numb as he watched her struggle in vain. His eyes were locked on her face, pain and sympathy clear in his eyes as he watched the tears roll down her face. What had he done? Oh he had seen the movies and learned that yes, it was a painful process, but watching the woman he loved in that much pain and knowing that nothing was going to come out of it made him feel awful. Feeling her hand tighten around his again, he squeezed hers back, simply letting her know he was not going anywhere. Hearing the doctor’s voice, he watched Ana collapse back on the bed, his fingers combing through her hair as he tried to relax her, an encouraging smile flashing across his face, though his eyes didn’t light up as they usually did. Watching her suffer was taking a lot out of him, as he knew without him, she wouldn’t be suffering in this sort of way. “You’re almost there,” he murmured, his eyes flickering over to the doctor, knowing he was right when the other man’s eyes met his and gave a slight nod of his head. His eyes returned to Ana’s as he heard her screech, his dark eyes closing and the hand that wasn’t clasped in her grip ran through his hair. At this rate, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have kids now, not if she was in this kind of pain and Noah still had about four months to go until he was fully developed. His eyes opened as he heard Ana’s sobs, resting on her face as the guilt stabbed at him again. Slowly, he turned his head to the end of the bed in time to see them wrapping the tiny form up in a blanket and walk from the room with him, a bitter look flickering across his face before he turned his attention back to Ana, a hand running across her damp forehead. He was still having a hard time believing that this sickening reality was the truth, but the slight glimpse he had gotten of Noah’s tiny body had made it all too real, that there was no hope that something had simply gone haywire with the machinery and he had simply been ill, able to come home in a few weeks or months, once he was more developed. His eyes were far away as he looked down at Ana, giving a little nod of his head as he felt the tears he had been fighting for so long begin to prick at his eyes, a feeling that only intensified as he saw the sadness on her face.

- - - - -

- - - - - Jason was simply exhausted from everything that had happened that day and he could only imagine how Ana felt. She had been the one going through everything, he had just been there to witness it. Her excessive bleeding had scared him for a while and even now he wasn’t completely comfortable with the thought of her going home. If something went wrong back at their house, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get her back to the hospital in time. He figured they would probably insist on keeping her overnight, just to keep an eye on her, and if they didn’t, he would definitely bring it up. Those thoughts and more were churning through his mind as he laid on his back beside Ana, her back facing him, his eyes staring up blankly at the ceiling as they had been for the past hour and a half. Feeling the bed shift beside him, he turned his head to look at her as she brought her head down on his chest, one of his arms wrapping around her. Her raspy voice took him by surprise and he was taken aback as he felt a little jolt in his heart. Opening his mouth to answer, he shut it as she finally let him know what was on her mind, rethinking his thoughts. Giving a little shake of his head, he let out a sigh, waiting a moment before he answered, his tone flat though completely sincere. “Because I know it’s not your fault. You didn’t mean for this to happen.” Sighing again, he ran his hand along her back gently, giving a firm shake of his head when she apologized yet again. “Don’t.” Kissing her forehead, his eyes returned to the ceiling. She blamed herself, but as far as she knew, he could have done something wrong. Perhaps when she had come into the half painted nursery, he should have kicked her out instead of letting her stay and help. Or maybe he had put too much weight on her stomach one of the nights when they had been a bit too passionate or he could have had one of his nightmares and struck her in the stomach. The possibilities were endless. “The numbers are against anyone who wants to have children. Less than thirty percent of pregnancies make it to full term,” he murmured, only now realizing how awful the chances were.

- - - - - Hearing the short, businesslike knock, Jason’s eyes turned to the door, watching the tall woman walk in. He closed his eyes and rolled them behind his shut lids. How would she know how to help them through this? It’s not like she knew what they were going through. He kept his eyes shut, still laying back on the bed as she went on, only opening his eyes at the silence of one of her questions. Glancing at Ana, he answered, his tone a bit colder than it usually was. “We haven’t thought about it yet.” Obviously, he added in his mind. They had only found out a few hours ago that they had lost their child and since then, the funeral hadn’t been at the forefront of their minds, or if it had been, neither one of them had mentioned it. The social worker’s words turned into simple buzzing in Jason’s ears as he tuned her out, his eyes once again returning to the ceiling. He honestly didn’t even hear her ask if they wanted to see him as he only tuned in after he heard Ana’s voice. Watching the tall, slender woman walk out, it hit him what she said when Ana said she wasn’t sure if she could. Letting out a long breath, he shrugged. “It won’t be easy…” he started out slowly, his dull eyes meeting hers. “But, I mean…I guess I kind of feel like it’s the least I can do,” he muttered, his eyes turning away as he gave another shrug. It was the closet thing he could do to being a dad to Noah.

- - - - - Hearing the door open again, he saw the same social worker return, offering them a smile as she spoke her “comforting words” yet again. When she asked them once again if they wanted to see Noah, he let out a nervous breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he sat up on the edge of the bed, his hand running through his flat curls as he opened his eyes and gave a little nod of his head. “I-I will,” he said quietly, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy. Standing up slowly, stretching as he felt his spine pop in multiple places from him laying in the same position for almost two hours, he glanced down at Ana, waiting to see if she was going to come with him to wherever the staff had taken their son. Walking slowly behind the tall woman, he kept his eyes firmly on the floor, hoping nobody he knew was working though he knew that was highly unlikely. He knew a good portion of the people working in the Valkyrie Hospital. Stepping into another room, he sat down in one of the chairs that the social worker had nodded to, feeling a lump rising in his throat at the thought of what he was about to go through. A different nurse than the ones that had been in and out of the room earlier stepped in with a bundle of blankets in her arms, immediately thankful he didn’t know her. As she set the blankets in his arms and walked out, Jason looked down at Noah, shocked to realize that the little boy would almost fit in one of his hands. Holding the boy close, Jason finally broke down, the tears he had been fighting back for so long finally spilling down his face as he held his still son in his arms, wondering what he had done wrong to cause their baby boy to die.

- - - - -

tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,734
outfit ,. click

[/blockquote]

[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - The woman's face crumpled a bit as he put his arm around her before asking what she needed to, breaking into tears. She sniffed and stopped when he finally spoke, his flat tone upsetting her. She hated that this had taken away his usual spark, though he was more than justified. Seeing him hurt, though, was easily as painful if not moreso than what she felt over Noah. A little shrug swept her shoulders when he said he knew she hadn't meant for this to happen, blubbering on in apology. She sniffled as he stopped any further apology and kissed her forehead, hiding her face against his chest and letting all the air in her lungs go in a whoosh. If she had just wanted him a little bit more and hadn't dreaded the change, maybe then he would have had a better chance. She knew that wasn't really a possible cause, and yet she couldn't help but think maybe that was why he was gone. If it had dawned on her, as it probably would have had she thought about it, that Jason was sitting there silently blaming herself she would have been at that strange place between anger and sympathy. He had been nothing but perfect around her, probably a lot more careful than even she had been, refusing to put too much weight on her and keeping the music in the car low, and though she'd helped with painting, the paint was the kind that was supposed to be safe for pregnant mothers to be around anyway. Jason had done nothing, and like he had told her, he certainly hadn't meant for this to happen, any of it. Ana just shook her head when Jason talked statistics, not really caring to think of their child or any future children as a statistic.

- - - - - As the woman announced herself as a social worker, Annie wished she had chosen a different career path, now that she realized what a bother this was, though the people she wanted to work with were not normally grieving. She rolled her eyes much more openly when the woman began to speak, tuning her out, catching only the words "everything happens for a reason." Oh, Ana knew that, that perhaps Noah had been spared some horrid suffering down the road, or thinking more scientifically would have been born with a defect or some other problem that would have made life difficult or even impossible, but none of those possibilities really eased her pain any. It still hurt, it would always hurt, when she thought of the things he could have been. The thought that hit her the hardest, and probably always would, was the possibility that he could have been a doctor like his dad and two of his grandparents, a lifesaver, simply, yet his little life couldn't have been saved for that to even be a possibility. The concept broke her and when the social worker started to ask about their plans for the child's body she could only shake in Jason's hold, wordless. After that she again ignored the further chatter; it wasn't as though words would bring her any comfort. She only snapped from her imposed trance when the lady paused, turning her blue gaze onto her to hear her question. The thought of seeing his lifeless body horrified her; Ana had been unable to get near the casket at her father's funeral, holding her underdeveloped baby seemed an impossible task.

- - - - - Buying time by asking if they could talk it over, Ana's eyes followed the woman out the door before saying anything to her fiancé. She nodded her head at his first words, before letting out a sigh at the second half, knowing he was probably right. Yet she was still scared to do it, not sure if she really could follow through, even though she wanted to. She was already crushed, she could not deal with further heartbreak and she sincerely doubted that holding him and seeing his face would really be a healing experience, at least not in the short term. She frowned as the social worker returned, trying not to scowl as the woman chattered until silence filled the room with her question to them. Ana paused, still lying back, her arms crossing almost protectively over the stomach she had grown so used to and had now disappeared. As her fiancé agreed and got up, she hugged herself tighter, sitting up and watching him go, shaking her head when he looked back at her. She sat in the silence of the brightly lit room, nibbling her lip, half of her being yearning to just go and the fear in her keeping her planted. Finally, though, her head shook, and she began to move off the bed, not caring that she had only socks on her feet, not about to put her heels on again. Unlike Jason, this had not shaken her faith, and because of that, she could think only of the words of various preists when they spoke on heaven and hell. No one knew what happened to the unbaptised and there was no guarantee she'd see him in the next life. Shuffling numbly out of the room, she took a guess on direction as the hospital was not all that big, spotting the woman in her suit. "Are they in there," she asked her quietly, her eyes dropping when the woman nodded. Placing her hand on the knob, she paused, swallowing before she pushed the door in, closing it behind her and leaning back against the door.

- - - - - Her hand splayed over her mouth, keeping her wail of grief, not unlike the haunting noise that had escaped her when she'd seen him with Dahlia, much quieter than if she had not tried to hide it. She couldn't move, able only to stand there and watch him with their baby, holding the tiny, tiny thing they had created so preciously in his arms, tears running down his face. Ana took a step forward and lingered, before taking a few steps further to stand by his shoulder. "Oh God," she whispered, gazing down into the blankets he held catching sight of his face and the little pigmentless hair atop his head, wondering briefly what color it would have become. Her eyes traced over his shut eyes, shaped like hers, and the nose and mouth that were undeniably his dad's. "How could I have ever not wanted him," she asked herself, so very quietly she doubted it had penetrated the world her fiancé had disappeared into, tears rolling down her cheeks. A minute later she finally asked him quietly, though she didn't really want to, "Can I h-hold him?" Taking the tiny being into her arms when he was ready to hand him to her, Ana lowered herself down into the other chair, the baby close to her chest as she held his silent, lifeless form in her arms, the entire world slipping away. She took her time with her firstborn son, knowing it was the only time she'd ever have before he was just a painful memory. She had no grasp of how long she'd been sitting when she finally dropped from her near trance state, leaning in to touch her pink lips to his cool forehead, whispering against it, "I love you, Noah James."

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 1245
- - - - - outfit click

[Jason Irving]

- - - - - Jason hadn’t even realized anyone had walked into the room, lost in his own little world of could-have-beens. The more he stared at his little boy’s face, the more resemblance he could see. His eyes would have been the same shape as Ana’s, and he could only hope that they would have been the same color, the tiny boy’s nose resembling his own. Maybe Noah would have had the same thick, dark, curly hair that his dad had, or maybe it would have been blond like his mom’s. Jason could only imagine what an adorable little boy he would have been with dark curls and brilliantly blue eyes. A slight chuckle escaped through the tears that only began to flow harder after he thought about what a trouble maker he could have been. He could have been like his dad, in and out of the hospital week after week due to some unintentional self inflicted injury or another that he had given himself, simply by being a growing boy. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed to the bundle of blankets, apologizing for so much. For not letting him take his first breath or his first steps. For not getting to see him when he got his first bike or see him off on his first day of school or see the first ‘A’ on his report card. Just as when he had found out Ana was pregnant, so much had changed in just an instant only in a completely different way. His hand that was nearly the size of the child moved up to Noah’s forehead as one of his tears landed on the boy and he brushed it away gently, afraid that he might crush the fragile looking body. He turned to look at Ana when she asked him quietly if she could hold him. After hugging the boy so very gently against his heart and placing a little kiss on his forehead, he breathed a quiet “I love you” and handed him over to Ana, taking a step back as she sat down in the chair. He knew she hadn’t wanted to seem so mom-like at such a young age, but watching her with their still baby boy made him realize how perfect she would have been for the role. Walking behind the chairs, he stopped long enough to give her a little kiss on her head before he walked out of the room, giving mom and son the only alone time they’d get.

- - - - - He kept his head down as he slowly made his way back to the room that she had been in before, hoping that he wouldn’t run across anybody he knew. Returning to his internship was going to be hell; everybody would know what had happened and the last thing he needed was to be reminded by either apologies or people acting like nothing had happened. Closing the door to the hospital room behind him, he pressed his back against the wall beside the door, sliding down to the floor, bending his knees up a bit so he could rest his elbows on his thighs. Burying his head in his hands, his palms pressed against his eyes, he took advantage of his time alone, letting himself break down as silent sobs racked his frame. He would give anything to know what he had done wrong, why this had to happen to them. Why had they been put through all of the fear, the stress and finally the excitement to have their own child only to have him ripped away in a heartbeat? To him, it only made the thought of a god seem even more like a lie, unless it wasn’t the god that he had grown up believing in, but a cruel, merciless god instead. Once he managed to get his sobs back under his control, he stood up slowly and sat down in the chair where he had spent a good portion of the day. His eyes focused on the toes of his shoes until he heard the door open again, giving Ana a knowing look. He, too, had lost track of time. After a silent moment, he checked the time on his phone, only to realize it was much, much later than he had originally thought it was. She had had a tiring day; she needed to sleep, though he doubted it would come easily. Standing up slowly, he moved over beside her and held her tightly against him as he began to feel the tears start to run down his face again. “Try to get some rest,” he murmured quietly, hating the wavering tone in his voice. “You need to stay here so they can make sure that…well, that you’re okay.” Well, make sure she was okay physically. Nobody expected her to be alright after what she had just been through. “I’ll be back in the morning.” Squeezing her tighter for a moment, he kissed her head before he let her go, walking slowly over to the door as he fished his car keys out of his pocket. Pausing for a moment at the door, he looked back at her, a sadness clear in his eyes. “I love you.”

- - - - - Once he was out of her room, he quickly navigated through the familiar hospital, taking the fastest way out to the parking lot to avoid catching sight of any friends he might know there. He was far from in the mood for conversation and besides, they’d all know what had happened with in twenty-four hours. Word traveled fast in the hospital. Unlocking his silver car and lowering himself into the driver’s seat, he turned the key in the ignition, no amused expression crossing his face at the soft purr of the motor. Driving much more recklessly than he normally would, especially after his wreck, he drove through the streets, making a short pit stop at the closest liquor store. Unfortunately, he knew where many were located thanks to his two month alcohol spree over the summer. After paying for his drug of choice - the strongest thing he had found before that didn’t have a completely revolting taste, he got back in his car and finished the drive home, relieved when he finally pulled into his garage. Stepping into his house, he heard the scuffle of paws on the floor as Dozer and Dash rushed to greet him, both looking for Ana once they had both sniffed up and down his legs, their tails wagging ferociously. “ She’ll be home tomorrow, guys,” he muttered quietly, sinking his form into the couch, fighting with the bottle of Jack Daniel’s for a moment before he finally got it opened, not at all concerned about using a glass.

- - - - - After he had made a pretty good dent in the large bottle, he stumbled over to the sink and poured the rest of it down the drain. The last thing Ana needed was for him to not show up the next morning and arrive home to a fiancé who had poisoned himself. Tossing the bottle in the sink, he headed towards their bedroom, through his thoroughly drunken mind knowing just how odd it was going to be sleeping by himself again. “Dash, Dozer,” he slurred, calling to the two dogs, he pulled his clothes off of his back, his fingers touching the necklace that still hung around his neck. Frustrated, he wrapped his fingers around it and yanked it from around his neck, the sound of the clasp breaking a rather nice sound, or so he thought. Opening the top drawer of his dresser, he attempted to toss the necklace in, cross charm first, though it bounced off of the drawer and fell beside the dresser instead. In just his boxers, he sank into the large bed, tapping on it with his hand as both the Great Dane and Australian Shepherd looked up at him expectantly. With some sort of warm form beside him, it didn’t take him too long to drift off into sleep.

-ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER-

- - - - - Groaning, Jason rolled on his side, a hand coming up to rest on his head. His head was splitting terribly, like there was a knife wedged into his skull somewhere. This was without a doubt his least favorite part of waking up after drinking the night before. Whiskey always seemed like such a good idea; it numbed his mind for a while, though it took a lot more to get him stone drunk than it use to and when he did finally fall asleep or pass out, he didn’t dream all night long and after what they had been through, he thought it was for the best. The last thing he wanted to see when he was asleep was the image of the son that they had just buried; the image haunted him enough during the day. Groaning again, he sat up, feeling worse than he usually did after drinking. Walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth, his reflection took him by surprise. His face was paler than normal and his pupils looked rather enlarged for him just rolling out of bed and facing the light. Running a hand along his face, his hand came away damp, like he had been sweating all night. Shaking his head slowly and wincing as he did so, he decided to put off brushing his teeth and he stalked into the kitchen, acknowledging his fiancée as he saw her sitting at the table. “‘Morning, hon,’” he murmured, glad to see that the coffee was done as he grabbed a mug out of one of the cabinets. Only when he went to pour the freshly made coffee into his mug did he realize that his hands were shaky as he had a hard time getting the black liquid into his mug. Scowling, he finally got the cup filled and took it over to the table beside Ana, the mug shaking in his unsteady hands. An irritated sigh slipped from him as some of the hot liquid spilled onto his black shirt due to his trembling hands and before he could take another drink, he sulked over to the sink and poured it down the drain before he grabbed his car keys and walked out of the door.

- - - - - When he returned less than twenty minutes later, a large bottle of liquor in his hands, he hadn’t even thought of what Ana’s reaction would be. All he knew was that he needed it. While it had taken a little while for him to become addicted to it in the past, the first drink he had taken after Noah had died was like he had settled a craving he didn’t even know he had and it didn’t take long for that craving to want more and more before it would be satisfied. Now he was needed it in less than twenty four hours and though he knew it wasn’t healthy, he simply didn’t care. It helped and that was all he was concerned with. Sitting down at the table, he opened the bottle, savoring the smell that once made his stomach churn. Bringing the bottle up to his lips, he let the bitter liquid slide down his throat, already anxious for its effects on his body to take over.

- - - - -

tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,881
outfit ,. click

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[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - Holding her tiny child in her arms, Ana got up from the chair. She was willing to sit there all night, heck, the rest of her life, but she knew everyone was waiting on her. Walking over to the door, she paused, taking his face in one final time, before pulling back the door. "Thank you," she whispered, her eyes cast down as she handed him to the young nurse, not looking her in the eye as the action broke her. She never wanted to let the little child go; she had never realized how very difficult a thing that was, not simply because he was lifeless, but merely because he was her child. She didn't want to be away from him, not for a minute, but unlike other mothers she couldn't have him back in her arms in an hour or two. Crossing her arms once more over her tummy she started to shuffle back to her room, goosebumps covering her pale skin from the cold of the hospital, but more likely from the surrealness of the moment, pausing as she heard the nurse address her. Turning around she let out a sigh as the nurse gestured her closer, walking back the few steps she had already gone, every step seeming to drain a bit more of what little energy she had left. Her eyes widened a bit as the nurse whispered to her, only a quiet, "Yes," leaving her lips before the nurse spoke a bit more to her, and Annie nodded, turning away and returning to her room in a daze.

- - - - - Gazing down at Jason as she stepped into her room and shut the heavy door once more, Annie's head began to shake at his look, beginning to cry again for oh so many reasons. "Heart defect," she finally managed to force out, shaking her head, hoping Jason could infer what she was talking about because she could get nothing more out to explain. It didn't exactly help to know there was nothing they could have done, that his death had been pretty much inevitable and he would have never been a normal little boy had he gotten the chance to live, but she was still glad she'd said yes when the other woman had asked her if she wanted to know. As he pulled her to him, Ana's thin arms wrapped around him and she sobbed, feeling his tears against her scalp. Tears were a luxury Ana was not fond of allowing, but as of right now she did not care. When she got enough control back to stop crying for a moment she heard him speak and she nodded, wondering if they would consider giving her anything to help her sleep, somehow doubting it. "I know," she replied quietly, holding him tighter, not wanting him to leave her, even though she knew the staff would ask him to leave before long, anyway. If she weren't so afraid of her bleeding becoming worse again at home she would refuse to stay, but she had enough common sense to stay where it was safe. Her hold tightened around him again, when he said he'd be back in the morning, a hushed moan leaving her as he kissed her head and stepped away. She stood there, still, as he headed for the door, beginning to softly cry again, scarcely smiling at his final words to her, before replying, "I love you, too."

- - - - - Stepping over to the little hospital bed, Annie slid into it, pulling the covers back over her shivering body. Staring out the blackness of the window, lying on her side, she slowly lifted her arms a bit, gazing at the bruising from the different needles they'd put in her, before casting her gaze down her torso. Her chest was still huge, would be she supposed until her body finally realized she had no baby to nurse. Ana had heard of organizations that allowed women like her to donate their breast milk; it seemed best someone else's baby got the chance to live even though she'd lost hers. Her eyes fell fast though to her stomach, flat as ever if a bit less toned than it had been before. To hide it she rolled onto her stomach, the feel foreign after having not done so in a few months. Staring back out into the night once more she tensed as someone knocked on the door, coming in with another bag of drugs, sighing when they said it was a sedative and a milder dose of the medicine they'd given her earlier to contract her blood vessels, relieved for both. She scarcely felt the needle slide into her vein this time as the woman taped the catheter to her hand and flicked the lights off as she left. Staring this time up at the ceiling, Ana wondered briefly, her eyelids already beginning to close, why she felt so strange lying there, before realizing she hadn't slept alone since that summer. Her thoughts drifted to Jason for a moment, wondering if he was ok, before the thought dashed and she fell asleep.

-ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER-

- - - - - The stench of whiskey met Anabel's nose as she drifted out of sleep and she muttered an annoyed, "Ugh." The smell was unusually familiar, just not one she'd experienced since she turned eighteen. Rolling out of the bed she stood up, shuffling into the bathroom to use the toilet before wrapping herself in a short silk robe. Her pre-pregnancy nightgowns were a bit tight, not to mention revealing, and she didn't feel sexy the way she used to. Slipping her feet into a pair of fuzzy gray boots, Ana wandered back into the little hallway connecting their room to the bathroom, about to walk out into the living room before pausing and walking back into the bedroom, stepping close enough to the bed to make sure Jason was still breathing, a bit surprised to see he was covered in sweat and pale. Breathing in deep she chose to excuse it; he was after all still breathing and everyone sweated when they were drunk. It was funny how compromising she'd become in the past week or so. Of course it scared her, but so far she'd not said anything, trusting it was just a phase, or at least she liked to lie to herself and believe that. Fear was really starting to eat at her though, mixed with a touch of anger. She needed him like she'd never needed him before and he wasn't there; he was drinking himself to death.

- - - - - Wandering into the kitchen she turned on the coffee pot before pulling out the bag of dog food and drawing her and Jason's dogs into the kitchen with the sound of kibble falling into their bowls. As the coffee pot finished brewing its small half-potful, Annie reached up into the cabinet for one of their many mismatched coffee and tea cups, pouring only a small pot. She didn't drink much even now, her addiction to the caffeine broken during her pregnancy. Heading to the kitchen table she settled down, not enjoying the silence the way she normally would. In fact, the silence was all too familiar lately. Since Jason chose to barely speak to her and most of the people she knew had no idea what to say, she spoke to her mother and, oddly enough, Jason's friend Sarai, who had stopped by looking for Jason on one of the many nights he'd gotten home late and wreaking of whiskey. Ana glanced up as the smell hit her, a bit more vague than what it was becoming it their bedroom, spotting her fiancé as he muttered a greeting. She didn't return the greeting though as she watched him, sloshing coffee, his hands shaking, taking in once more his sweaty skin and pale face. "Are you alright," she asked, doubting he'd heard her at his lack of response as he walked over to the table, the coffee sloshing about before ending up on his shirt. The blond watched a bit shocked as he stormed out of the house, not entirely certain what was happening. Granted she'd drank her entire life, but she'd never been addicted. She had no knowledge of the signs.

- - - - - By the time he returned, Annie was still sitting at the table, nervously nibbling at a bowl of Lucky Charms, trying to pretend nothing was wrong; until she saw what was in his hands. The more she had thought about it, as her hearts, stars, and horseshoes became soggy, the more she realized that the shakiness, the paleness, and the sweatiness were all connected to his drinking. They had to be, unless he was getting sick and he sure hadn't been coughing or anything like that. As he sat down across from her though and lifted the bottle to his lips, she snapped. He had gotten nice, compassionate Ana last time he'd decided to pick up drinking and they'd fooled themselves into thinking he was ok. Clearly, this time, he was not. Standing, she pulled the bottle away from him, taking advantage of his slow reactions, screeching, "Why the hell are you doing this!?" Storming to the door leading out onto the lanai with the bottle by the neck she thrust it with all her small might down onto the bricks of the floor, watching with satisfaction as the glass scattered with a tinkling noise and the liquor began to slowly drain into the strip that was meant to drain any water they sloshed out of the pool, suddenly starting to sob like she hadn't done in a few days now. Walking back inside she slammed the door hard enough to shake the back wall of the house, turning to him as she took a breath and got enough control to speak, or shriek, as the case may be. "There! If you want the whiskey more than me, go and have it," she stabbed a finger in the direction of the door as she screamed, before stomping over to the couch and thrusting herself down upon it like a pouty little child and allowing herself to cry.

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 1724
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[Jason Irving]

- - - - - Glancing sideways at the refrigerator as he went to get a cup of coffee, a little sigh left his lips. The night he had arrived home from the hospital, he had taken down all of the sonogram pictures of Noah and placed them in the nursery. Looking around at everything they had picked up for him and no longer needed had been heartbreaking and so when he had finally left, he had locked the door behind him, placing the key on top of the door frame. He had both removed the pictures and locked the nursery so Ana wouldn’t be reminded of what happened when she arrived home and shortly after he had completed those tasks, he had started his addiction all over again. Honestly, the whole thing made him feel guilty once he had sobered up, but the memories on his mind were too painful to keep around for too long, so by the end of the day, he would usually turn back to the alcohol. The few nights he hadn’t had been awful. It had taken him forever to fall asleep as he simply watched Ana beside him, wanting so bad to hold her close to him, but terrified that she wouldn’t want him to. After all, the little being that had died inside of hers had been his as well, and he was afraid that if he held her, it would remind her even more of what all they had lost. And when he had finally managed to slip off into some sort of sleep, he never stayed asleep very long thanks to the dreams he had. No, they weren’t the nightmares he had about the car accident, but he felt that these ones were much worse. There were ones that simply reminded him that Noah wasn’t going to grow up in his home, and since he thought about that enough throughout the day, he didn’t really want to think about it while he was sleeping, too. And then there were the ones where Noah had lived and had come home with them and he’d wake up only to be reminded that was not what had really happened. The one that he considered to be the worse, though, he had only had once, but he had woken up after it sobbing. Things had been exactly the same in the dream, up until Ana was actually having Noah. That was when things had taken a turn for the worst and not only did he lose Noah, but he had lost Ana, too. Somehow, the stress the labor had put on her body had killed her while she was delivering their lifeless son. Waking up from that one, his heart had been pounding and tears had been streaming down his face, but it had actually been a relief to be pulled from his unconsciousness to see Ana sleeping beside him.

- - - - - His reflexes were slow, there was no doubt about that, and he sat there in shock as she ripped the bottle from his grasp, his eyes glazing over at her words. Watching her storm over to the back door and throw the bottle on the concrete, his eyes widened at the sound of broken glass, for a brief moment taking him back to a little over a year ago. No, it wasn’t exactly the same noise that the glass in his car had made, but it was close enough to remind him of what he had suffered through. He was completely taken aback when she told him if he wanted the alcohol more than her to go get it, watching her storm off into the living room. It took him a minute to understand why she had said that before it sunk in. He stared at the broken liquor bottle for a moment, realizing that it basically represented his life. One of the pieces of broken glass was his relationship, one was his internship, his education, his future career, his direct family and a possible family with Ana along with other, less important parts of his life. As he took in the broken glass, he felt a slight pang, feeling like nothing was ever going to fit together right again.

- - - - - Standing slowly, he hesitated before he walked into the living room, guilt immediately overwhelming him as he saw the tears rolling down her face. Like so much oh her pain, this was completely his fault. If he had been able to overcome his shakiness and fought through the day without any of the alcohol… Shaking his head, he finally opened his mouth to answer her question. “Why am I doing this?” he repeated before finally getting along to his answer, a mixture of emotions easily heard in his voice. “Because I couldn’t do anything to save my - our son’s life. I’m in medical school, I’m at that hospital four, five days a week. I should have been able to do something.” Of course he knew it was ridiculous to think that, they had found out that Noah had had a heart defect that probably would have killed him shortly after he was born if he had lived, but he still felt like there should have been something that he could have done. Shaking his head again, he sighed. “If I had been responsible just once, none of this would have happened,” he said, referring back to New York. If he had just thought on the way back to their hotel room, he would have never knocked her up and they would have never lost Noah because he never would have been conceived. In his twisted, guilt-ridden mind, everything came back to him. It was his fault Ana had gotten pregnant and because of that, it was his fault that they had lost Noah. Giving a little sigh, he dropped his gaze to the floor in front of him. “I’m a lousy fiancé and a lousy father,” he muttered before he turned away from her, walking back into the kitchen, looking for the little dustpan and mini broom they had picked up once Ana moved back in with Dozer to clean up some of the messes the large puppy had made.

- - - - - He opened the back door, closing it quickly behind him so neither dog could get out and cut themselves on the glass and he kneeled over it, tears building up behind his eyes before they finally overflowed. Sweeping up the mess with his shaky hands proved to be a difficult task. One of the pieces towards the end of dustpan began to slide off and without thinking, he dropped the miniature broom and attempted to catch the piece of broken glass, wincing as it cut into the palm of his hand. Through his blurred vision, he could see the blood beginning to seep out of the shallow cut and with a sigh, he carefully picked up the glass with a trembling hand and placed it on the dustpan, picking up the broom before he headed back inside to toss the remains of the shattered bottle.

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tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,177
outfit ,. click

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[Anabel Bailey]

- - - - - Curling up against the arm of the sofa, Ana dropped her face into her arm to cover it as she sobbed. Never had she thought when she met Jason that she'd have to deal with him having a drinking problem. There were a lot of things she had never expected, but this one just completely threw her off guard because it was by choice. The wreck and Noah they had never asked for, but this he did because he wanted to. He could stop if he wanted to... though with that thought Annie paused to wonder if that were the case. How this had happened to begin with though completely befuddled her. He had once been so against drinking she'd more or less given it up to please him. She'd made a lot of changes for love of him, actually. She'd stopped smoking, quit drinking, and completely changed the way she approached relationships, waiting six months before they slept together, which she knew a lot of people would think wasn't that long, but waiting until she knew she was in love with him was something completely foreign to her at the time. Now she was almost wondering what the point was. She'd lost her child and was now very much alone in the world, or at least it felt that way without him. She had found herself thinking in the past when they'd been lying beside each other and had gazed over at him that they were two halves of a single whole, not caring how very unfeministic that was. To put it simply, half of her was now missing in a way. It was horrible to feel as though a part of her was gone, and she resented him for ripping it away so cruelly when Noah's death had already shattered her.

- - - - - Her expression was almost bitter when he interupted her tears, rather accustomed to having as much time as she wanted to cry her little heart out with no one interfering. He was the only one ever around when she did and he tended to avoid her like she had the plague. She listened though, solemn, a touch of anger crossing her face for just a moment when he refered to their child as his alone, wondering if he viewed things that way, even though he corrected himself. Her head shook at his remorse, coming to hug herself around her belly as she'd been doing since the day her baby had slipped away from her, "You can't save everyone, no matter how badly you want to." Her eyes turned away and she let out a noise pierced with agony, her voice growing quiet, "Especially if I couldn't." She shrugged when he called himself irresponsible, rubbing at her face and eyes with the silk sleeve of her robe. "It was my responsibility as much as yours," her eyes darted at him, "You can choose not to believe that, as I guess you will, but we're both at fault. And in the end, I don't really think we had a choice. The condom would have broke or something." That was Ana's never-wavering belief, that certain matters were out of one's hands, there was no way to stop or prevent them. They had been destined to fall in love, he couldn't have died in the wreck for some purpose they couldn't understand yet, Noah's conception and death had been inevitable. Maybe it was foolish to believe that way, but it brought her a comfort in a way. It was odd that he no longer believed the way she did in that sense. Her eyes widened, shocked at his self-criticisms before he shuffled away and she sunk down into the couch. She thought neither of those things, even in her frustration with his actions toward her lately. She doubted she could ever genuinely feel that way about him.

- - - - - Glancing at the time on the cable box, Annie groaned, getting up off the couch and wandering into their bedroom. Whether she wanted to or not, she needed to get dressed for class. Dress half- haphazardly, she emerged in a cardigan, tee, and jeans, her heels tapping when she stepped into the kitchen, finding him gazing at the cut on his hand. "C'mere," she murmured, stepping over to the sink and looking beneath the cabinet for the first aid stuff she kept there in addition to both of the bathrooms. With Jason, it was pretty much necessary they do so. "Glass," she guessed questioningly as she wet a paper towel and took his hand in hers, dabbing at the cut. He could take care of himself, she knew that, but she felt as though it was her job, especially as he continued to shake a bit in her hold. "You're not either of those things you said earlier, Jay," she said softly, her focus on his hand as she poured a bit of peroxide on it, quietly apologizing for the sting that even he wasn't immune to. Pulling out gauze and a bandage she wrapped the gash, not serious enough for a doctor's visit, finally glancing up at him, "At least not to me." Giving him his hand back she held his gaze, "But I do miss you. And I need you. You know that." She searched his face for a moment, pensive. "Fix this," she whispered earnestly, "Please. For me... for us." She shook her head, stepping slowly away, wondering if he was even conscious enough to understand how desperately she needed him to do what she was begging for, between the lines, or is she and their relationship was even important enough in his drunken world of grief to do something she had no doubt he would not want to do.

- - - - - tagged mister jason irving
- - - - - word count 974
- - - - - outfit click

[Jason Irving]

- - - - - Watching the brief anger flash across his face, he felt a bit guilty as he called Noah his. That wasn’t what he had meant, he had said that to emphasize that he should have been able to do something, which though he knew with the heart defect it would have probably been close to impossible to save him, but it didn’t mean he shouldn’t have been able to try. He watched her arms wrap around her stomach and a sharp pain went through his heart even before she spoke. It was a simple gesture that really hurt, knowing that there was no longer a life in there for her to be holding anymore. His face fell a bit when she said he would never be able to save anyone, giving a firm shake of his head. “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to try,” he said with a little sigh as she turned it around into being her fault, giving a little shake of his head, but knowing they’d never come to an agreement on that one. He gave a little shrug when she said that their lack of responsibility was as much her fault as his. He didn’t completely believe that, but he had a habit of blaming himself for things he really shouldn’t. With a little scoff, he raised his eyebrows when she said the condom would have broke. “What makes you say that?” he asked slowly. Jason’s faith for any sort of god had died along with their son. For so long he had believed there was a reason for everything that happened, even the littlest things, and though his faith had been shaken when he had cheated on her; he didn’t see why that happened, he had managed to overcome that. This time, though, he saw absolutely no reason for their suffering and any faith he had remaining had been shattered. Only a cruel god would allow him to get her pregnant years before they were ready only to take the child from them only a few short months later and he had always been taught that that was in no way the way that God was.

- - - - - Opening the back door again, he allowed the two over excited dogs to go outside again before he walked in the kitchen to toss the glass in their garbage can. Sinking down into one of the chairs at their kitchen table, he sighed and flexed his hand a few times, wincing as the sliced skin pulled apart. Opening up his palm, he watched his hand tremble, a bit frustrated as he had no idea what was causing it. Once again, he felt the almost unbearable urge for his alcohol, but he knew he couldn’t drink now. He figured he’d just wait until Ana had gone off to class and though he hated to do things behind her back like that, he felt like it was his only option. Hearing the sound of high heels tapping along the floor, he tried to close his hand before she’d see it, only looking up when she told him to go over to her. Standing slowly, he let out a shaky sigh and ran his hand along his sweaty face again. Stepping over to the sink where she was standing, he shrugged when she asked him if it was the glass, knowing that she knew the answer without really asking. “It doesn’t really need anything, it’s not bad…” he murmured as she dabbed a towel on the little cut. He opened his mouth to protest her soft voice, only to close it as he felt the sharp sting of the peroxide, a wave of nausea washing over him and he closed his eyes, wobbling a bit. Once he opened his eyes again, they met hers before sliding away to the floor. “I don’t feel great,” he muttered, explaining what had just happened.

- - - - - Resting his hands on the counter behind him, he leaned on it for support as he slowly shook his head, his eyes focused on his toes, still a few comments back in his mind. “How can you say I’m not lousy?” he asked quietly, letting out a little sigh. “You needed me and what was I doing? I was too busy knocking years off of my life to notice,” he muttered, shaking his head sadly. With all of the alcohol he had consumed in the past year, and especially in the last few weeks, he knew it was going to cause some sort of damage on his body and most likely enough of it to take his life earlier than it should be taken. Finally looking up to meet her eyes, he knew she could see all of the guilt he was feeling clear as daylight. “Ana, I-I can’t just stop,” he admitted, clearly ashamed. “I tried and I can’t.” Closing his eyes, he pressed his shaky thumb and fingers against them, shaking his head. “And, well, those stupid AA meetings don’t work, either. I went to one one night and it did nothing but make me want it more.” He couldn’t figure out why she still wanted to be around him when the last few weeks proved he wasn’t around when she needed him. “I-I still love you,” he stammered out quietly, afraid of what her response might be. “But I just…What can I do?” he asked desperately. His life was beginning to fall apart at the seams. His grades were falling; they were no longer all A’s and B’s, but now they were more B’s and C’s and he even had a D in his one class, though that was simply because going to it reminded him of what could have been if Noah hadn’t had a heart defect and he hated going. And if he did manage to do completely awful in his rather prestigious field, he would lose his internship and his career was gone. And then how was he suppose to support Ana and if they ever decided to try again, a family? He had never had a backup plan; his plan A had seemed completely full proof.

- - - - -

- - - - - Taking one last glance around his house, he let out a little sigh. He had no idea how long he was going to be gone but he could only hope that this was going to pull him out of his alcohol phase. He and Ana had talked it out and she brought up the idea of going to rehab. Of course, he hadn’t been crazy about the idea and it honestly made him feel completely ashamed to sink that low, but he supposed if it would work, he couldn’t say no. He had already officially dropped out of VU for the rest of the semester and assuming he wouldn’t be able to continue on the career path he had always been after, he had quit his internship. Reaching down to give his little Australian shepherd a little pet on her head, he sighed quietly. “’Bye girl. Annie’s gonna take care of you and Dozer while I’m gone,” he murmured quietly, giving the large Great Dane his own goodbye. Picking up his bag that he had packed, he was about to head out to the garage, before he set it down and ran a hand through his hair, looking back through the bit of the house he could see. He was genuinely terrified that while he was gone, Ana would pick up and leave and he would never see her again, though he could honestly say he wouldn’t blame her if that’s what she decided to do. He had been awful after Noah had died. Picking up the bag again, he glanced over at the table where he had left a short little note for her, hoping it was enough to get her to stay;

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tagged ,. miss anabel bailey
word count ,. 1,310
outfit ,. click

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