i will stand *

[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
I TOOK ONE BIG STEP AND I LOOKED AWAY AND THEN
I THOUGHT OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANTED TO SAY
i'm always too late
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To be honest, Alexandra Leslie Suresh felt extremely weird right now. She'd been back at school for almost a week now and she still felt like she didn't fit in anymore. Of course she didn't fit in. She'd gone through a shitload of stuff in the span of two weeks that half of the kids in this school couldn't even fathom happening to them. How could she possibly relate to any of her classmates right now? She was still recovering. She was still a complete and utter mess. Just look at her. Slipping through the big cafeteria doors alone, Alex looked a hell of a lot different to how she had a few weeks ago. For one, the bubbly smile on her face that had always been present was no where to be seen. Even the twinkle in her eyes was dead. It was like something had died if you looked at her face. And yeah, about her face. All of a sudden she was covered in foundation but even that couldn't completely hide the bruises around her eyes and jaw. The big cut on her head had been covered by head-scarves and hats lately though so no one had come close to picking up on that. But another big change? The black hair. Yes, the minute Alex had returned home to where she belonged, she'd been so angry and confused and messed up that she'd dyed her lovely brown locks of hair to a new jet black.

A few people had given Alex funny looks when she'd finally showed up at Valkyrie Academy again. Not only had she just disappeared for two weeks but her best friends hadn't even known where she was and she'd come back looking like a whole new, completely darker person. Of course questions were going to be raised. And damn straight they should. It wasn't like she'd just had a bad cold and had to stay home for a bit although that was the story Alex was telling everyone. Who cares if her appearance clearly proved that was a lie? That was the story she was sticking with and in Alex's mind, if she told enough people enough times, they would eventually have no choice to believe it and then maybe she could believe it herself and block out what had really happened. That's what she'd been trying to do ever since she finally got home to a freaked out family. The moment Alex saw her cousins, aunts and her brother, oh god her brother who had been a complete wreak and looked almost worse than her, and she'd realised that they had been genuinely worried for her, she burst into tears. Of course she was in physical pain too and emotionally exhausted so there were other reasons for the tears too. But still she'd been so glad to be with people who obviously loved her and were there for her.

Now hold up a second. If she was so grateful for all of this, then why was she now sitting in the school cafeteria booth eating her fries, completely alone? Wasn't she supposed to be best friends with Amber Malinda and Hayden Hadley or something? Well 'supposed to' being the operative phrase there. As soon as Alex had returned to Valkyrie, she had no clue how she was going to handle things with everyone. She certainly didn't want to talk about it and go through it again and she didn't want to end up friendless by pushing people away. That hadn't been her plan at all. But as soon as she rocked up to school and was swamped by Amber and Hayden asking questions, she did the latter and shrugged them off like nothing was wrong, just like she had a few weeks ago when her dad first arrived but this was worse because there was a lot more evidence that something was seriously wrong. She just wouldn't admit it. Eventually it seemed that despite being clearly pissed at her, Amber and Hayden had given up on her and claimed her as a lost cause, someone they used to know but no longer acknowledged. Did it hurt? Well Alex wasn't sure. She was already in a lot of pain as it was so she was unable to quite figure out how she felt about all of this. At least no one was bugging her to spill what had happened anymore right? Well no one except for teachers but they were easy to shrug off. It was harder to lie to your best friends but Alex had just managed. Now they apparently weren't her best friends so no effort needed.

Still, Alex did kind of miss them. She missed smiling. She missed giggling with her girls in class and all that. She missed Amber the most of course. After her little tiff with Hayden at Dunkin Donuts, they hadn't exactly spoken much and then of course Alex had disappeared.. Still, she missed Hayden too. At least Hayden seemed concerned when Alex finally showed up again at school. But Amber had been her first friend in Valkyrie, her closest confidant, her best friend. Now she was all buddy-buddy with Hayden Alex supposed. Shoving another fry into her mouth, Alex ducked her head down, avoiding any eye contact with a bunch of other juniors from her math class who were currently walking past. As soon as they were gone, Alex raised her head again and looked around. No sign of Hayden or Amber right now. They were probably off eating lunch together. Whatever. Alex sighed and leaned back for a moment, her eyes down on the table again, and carefully adjusted her headscarf to make sure it was definitely covering all possible injuries on her head from that blasted two weeks. She'd originally planned on wearing a hat as much as possible but at school that seemed to draw a bit of attention and it was kind of against the rules so she'd had to settle for just wearing head-scarves and styling her hair to cover anything suspicious.

Yes, because dying your hair jet black wasn't going to draw attention either or anything.

- - - - -

STATUS; finished !
WORD COUNT; 1,057
TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; lunchtime, va cafeteria
CREDITS; format inspired by lainey and other v-siders. lyrics from broken man' by boys like girls
OUTFIT; uniform but basically looks like this and wearing this headscarf xD
NOTES; kind of lame start but woo amblex! but this is saad. thank goodness homecoming is soon hehe <3

- - - - -

[Amber Malinda]

AMBER FAITH KODI MALINDA

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what a shame ; we all became such fragile, broken things .
A MEMORY REMAINS, JUST A TINY SPARK .[/color][/font]
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the school year had began just wonderfully; sarcasm intended. not only was it amber malinda's sophomore year, which meant she had less work as a freshman, but there was that little detail about how her so called, "best friend", had been a little distant, and that was an understatement. "a little distant" didn't even begin to cover how they haven't talked in weeks, or was it just days? days seemed so much longer with all the work and everything she was trying to balance, and so amber wasn't quite sure how long it had been. a while. let's just keep it at that. each time the sun rised, marking a new day, the thoughts of alex suresh would move further to the back of the mind. how long would it be before all those thoughts were so far back that amber didn't remember, or worse, she did remember, but no longer cared? if alex wouldn't talk to her, she wouldn't talk to alex. wasn't her problem. she wasn't the one who left for days-weeks and came back without a reasonable explanation. no, she had been the one stuck in valkyrie, california, worried to death, and in the end, figured out that all that worrying wasn't worth it.

part of herself wished she could go back in time and tell herself not to worry as much. that things would end like this, and so she should have used that wasted time for something else. then again, if she had been able to go back in time, why not just go to the day of the school shooting? stop that kid from shooting anyone, which would have meant that the school day would have gone on regularly, and that amber would have never met alex. well, she might have met alex, but they may have not found so many similar interests and became friends. yes, that would be perfect. save herself all the trouble and go on with her life, and she'd use the wasted time for something productive, like trying to perfect her skills with the drums, volunteering, or dare she say it, studying. a shame amber malinda didn't have such superpowers, because now she just had to figure out things the hard way; by experiencing them, whether she wanted to or not. it didn't really matter, because it had already happened. all had been done. and now amber would just continue on with her life like nothing had happened even though everything had. just go on letting people think that the dynamic duo of amber malinda and alex suresh just separated due to lack of common interests, or whatever else they thought was the cause.

today was supposed to be just one of those regular, "after everything had happened" days, meaning that amber would just deal with the regular school day and not talk to alex. all was going exactly the way it was planned; amber hadn't spoken one word to alex, mostly because alex hadn't spoken to amber. she was determined to not be the one who spoke first, because she wasn't going to make the friendship that easy to win back. no, amber wasn't playing games, and neither was she finding joy in all of this, but she wanted to make it clear to alex that if she wanted to be friends again, she would have to do something. even with all of this going through her mind, amber's expressions showed nothing that would give you even a clue to how she was feeling. all day she smiled, laughed, joked, groaned at schoolwork, because her life did not revolve around alex suresh. everything didn't really mean much to her anymore; too much time had gone by, and most of the worrying and concerns were long gone. there was still a bit sprinkled in her mind here and there, but it was basically nothing.

now if the "basically" had been gone, things would have went perfectly, according to how it was supposed to be. when it came time for lunch, however, somewhere along the line, the plans were off track. on this day, amber malinda had gotten a hamburger with a water bottle, and of course, a chocolate bar; the girl couldn't resist the calling of the chocolate. she had been walking to the usual table she sat at, but as she made her way, her eyes caught sight of alex suresh, sitting all alone. it was sort of typical that she didn't sit with alex, but usually she didn't really see alex. making no mind of it, amber simply walked past the table that contained her old friend, but the moment she passed, she paused and muttered to herself, "stupid conscience.", right before turning back around. somehow, amber just couldn't walk by, without saying a word to alex. even if it was just a "hi", or even a vicious comment, she just had to say something. anything. amber wanted to smack herself and scream, "TURN AROUND.", but it was too late when she approached alex, simply standing and not planning to sit down with her anytime soon.

that plan probably wouldn't change.

keep in mind, amber wasn't planning on giving in, even if she hadn't been able to just go on with her life. and also remember that amber had nothing planned to say. she wasn't the kind of girl that would just stare at the ceiling at night before going to bed, trying to figure out clever comeback or insults in case she needed them. she was more like the kind of girl that just liked to "wing it", and said what she felt like saying. sure, sometimes she would sugar-coat her words, and maybe sometimes she would just plain lie, for someone else's benefit, but there were also times when she would just be blunt and speak the truth. and though she wasn't sure which one it was this time, she would soon find out. "look who it is." she remarked, tilting her head to the side with a smile that was so fake and real at the same time that it was confusing. "were you trying to pull off a last minute makeover while you were "sick"?" sharp, invisible air quotes hid in her seemingly fake concerns. "if you wanted to shed your old image for a darker, "i'm so hardcore, don't mess with me" look, you could have just said so." unintentionally, amber's sarcastic words escaped her lips, ready to kill. they were supposed to be one of those comments that tried to lighten up the mood, but they were the complete opposite. "in my opinion, you look more like a hot mess than a hardcore rocker. you know, minus the hot." i repeat: stupid conscience.

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NOTES • amber is amazing when it comes to starting conversations, lol. xD
LET'S FLAUNT IT • uniformm .
WORD COUNT • 1117 .
TAGGED • amblex !
SETTING • va cafeteria, lunchtime .
CREDITS • lyrics to paramore; format & banner by me.

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[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
I TOOK ONE BIG STEP AND I LOOKED AWAY AND THEN
I THOUGHT OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANTED TO SAY
i'm always too late
- - - - -

It's strange how much can change in a matter of weeks. One moment Alex had two best friends, she fitted in, she spent her days laughing and came home to a decent family and went to bed and had peaceful dreams. One moment life seemed like it was actually okay. She was spending her summer holidays like every girl should: with her friends and family, just having a good time. Then with a blink of an eye everything stopped and it was like Alex was taking seven steps backwards into her old life. She no longer fitted in, her family was slightly screwed up and she certainly have peaceful dreams anymore. She didn't dream at all actually. Well sure she dreamed but she preferred to classify what happened to her when she was asleep as nightmares. They were anything but rainbows and butterflies. Thus the slightly awful mess apperance she'd been rocking lately. Apart from the jet black hair and all, she just looked like crap. That was the only way her brother had been able to explain it anyway. But it was true. She looked awful. She was tired all the time since she refused to sleep now. Sleeping was just asking for nightmares. No thanks.

Still, sleeping would have been a nice way to get rid of those icky bags under her eyes and the constant dullness she felt. Maybe if she was more awake she'd be more alert and stop looking so dead. But that was just how she felt. Dead. And she nearly had been. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, yes? If that young couple hadn't driven her to the local hospital when they had, who knows what would have happened to Alex? Thank goodness they had heard her scream as she fell to the ground while her father, her very own father, just drove off in a state of drunken panic. But let's not get into those nasty details right now. Alex had pushed those awful memories of that and him far to the back of her mind now that she was back in Valkyrie. She was completely unconcerned about the whereabouts of her father or the fact that she could easily press charges since she definitely had proof of the abuse. She no longer cared about him at all. He was nothing. That's what she told everyone in her family anyway. As for everyone else at school you ask? Well she definitely wasn't going to mention anything about him to them of course. The first thing she'd blurted out when asked where she'd been was "I was just sick." and she quite intended to stick to that.

Actually on the first day that she'd come back to Valkyrie Academy she hadn't been sure what she would tell people. Her scars and injuries weren't too obvious but they weren't completely hidden so would she even be able to get away with making something up? She couldn't say she got into a fight because hello, Alex Suresh in a fist-fight? Not likely. Darn her, why couldn't she have been a guy? She could have gotten away with that excuse easy. But no, instead she was stuck having to make up a stupid lie that sounded weak even to her. Lucky she was a fairly good convincer when she wanted to be and once she told people enough times, they began to accept the story or at least pretend to which was good enough for Alex. Well, at least most people had accepted it. Hayden and Amber however had made it very clear that they knew she was lying and didn't like it at all. Not that they really seemed to care about finding out the truth. That was what kind of pissed off Alex the most. Sure, they were allowed to be upset that she was lying but wasn't it a best friend's job to figure out the truth under the lie? Especially when your friend looks like such utter crap that there is seriously something wrong. But no, they just went off and ignored her all the time, laughing together as if to rub it in her face. If only one of them could walk up to her and just once, actually ask for the truth and mean it.

As these bitter thoughts ran through Alex's mind, she continued to munch on her fries without really paying attention to the other students in the cafeteria which was a pity because if she had, she might have noticed a certain Amber Malinda passing by and then immediately stopping in her tracks. Instead Alex kept her eyes on the table in front of her and making out patterns on the table's surface. A few seconds later she felt a shadow cast itself over her and got the surprise of her life when a very familar, although not so much lately, voice spoke from above. "look who it is." And there she was in the flesh. Amber Malinda actually talking to her with what was a very confusing smile on her lips. "Oh, I exist now do I?" Alex said warily, narrowing her eyes as she tried to figure out what was going on. For a wild moment she thought back to what she'd been hoping for before. Maybe Amber was here to finally be the best friend Alex had considered her to be and was going to ask for the truth and promise to be there. Maybe she was finally going to apologise for being so mean and making Alex's situation even worse without realising it.

Ha. Such wishful thinking there.

Those stupid invisible air quotes were so obvious to Alex's ears that she could feel herself cringing inwardly. Well at least Amber knew her well enough to see through the lies? Alex dropped her gaze back to her food as Amber spoke, her tone of sarcasm cutting into Alex like a knife. Who had she been kidding? Amber wasn't going to apologise just like that. Clearly she was taking a leaf out of Hayden Hadley's nasty book and making sure that Alex was as miserable as possible. "in my opinion, you look more like a hot mess than a hardcore rocker. you know, minus the hot." Well that wasn't very nice at all. As Amber finally stopped with the bitchy words, Alex looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Done with the bitching yet? Because you know, I'm kind of trying to eat here. And hey, I may look different but at least I don't ditch my friends just because they're away for a bit." she glared at Amber, hating the unfamilar sense of anger towards her former best friend fighting the urge to burst into tears and spill everything. The anger overruled of course. "I'd rather look like a mess than act like a stuck-up bitch. I guess you prefer the latter." Shoving another fry in her mouth, Alex leaned back, her face now stony as she waited for Amber to just walk away already.

And to think a few weeks ago these two had been practically attatched at the hip. Things really could change in a short period of time.

- - - - -

STATUS; finished !
WORD COUNT; 1,197
TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; lunchtime, va cafeteria
CREDITS; format inspired by lainey and other v-siders. lyrics from broken man' by boys like girls
OUTFIT; uniform but basically looks like this and wearing this headscarf xD
NOTES; ooh the claws come out xD thank goodness they can make up at homecoming soon hehe <3

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