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Post by layla on Jan 14, 2008 15:43:36 GMT -6
I know that the current plot/welcome has been up for... like, ever, but there are a few things wrong with it--from redundant statements to simple grammatical errors and typos. I by NO means am saying that you have to use my revision--I just cleaned up a few of the errors while leaving the basic piece intact.
Welcome to the beautiful
Valkyrie Academy.
-maybe some history here? The next line implies that we already KNOW what the reputation of the school is and has been.-
The school has the same reputation intact, but the kids that attend it now... have other things in mind then becoming the next 'greatest thing.' The town in naturally divided. The kids that like in the Valks, are the stuck-up richies. The familes up there have nothing better to do than snoop around and figure out what latest 'job' Mrs. So-an-so had. Downtown, the other living condition is the Shaks. The only reason why people remotely like living in the Shaks is because their backyard is the Pacific Ocean. Most kids are at the academy on scholarships, but some have parents who can pay for each of their four kids fourtimes over. The Valks and the Shaks are divided by one strip of road called The Strip--everything that is anything is located there. From the club scene, to the movie theater. From the day spa to the bowling alley. Most kids call it the 'Rodeo Drive' of Valkyrie. Some say, If it is not located on The Strip, why even bother going?
What's bigger than the reputation is the drama. These kids have more history together than the United States itself. Most have known eachother since they were kids, but a lot of kids have just moved here to attend the school. Oh, do they have a lot to learn. Like, the local 'pot spot' in the woods where kids throw secret parties and smoke. Or, the not so secret parties every other weekend and the unsupervised trips to L.A. And of course there are the school's traditions.
Even bigger than the drama is the secrets. The students are known for trying to keep their secrets, from the girl that sits next to you in chemistry, (she's
been hooking up with her teacher every day after classes,) to the boy who you see every day in gym, (he's been puking in the bathrooms after eating a piece of gum.) When you find out about it, it's sure to be a scandal.
Valkyrie. Filled with: Boys. Girls. Surf. Love. Laughs. Secrets. And Drama.
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