Not Tonight [Charlie^2}

[charlie]

”It may not be what I had in mind but still, I’m here… with you,… and that’s all that matters.”

God damn, did he have to be so nice? She smiled and glanced around the room. The hotel they were at was really nice, she was happy she had been able to afford the trip. She looked down at her hand in his and rested her head on his shoulder. And as much as she feared what would happen after these moments had ended, she was glad to be having them. Never regret anything right? She turned her body towards his, leaving her head on his shoulder so she was a bit closer. "You don't have to be so nice to me you know?" She said calmly. It wasn't as much of a cut down to herself as a reassurance to him, that he didn't need to try so hard.

”What did he do to you?”

She glanced up at him, catching his eyes for a moment before she looked away again. She shrugged and she stayed close to him, her heart beating just a bit faster, "Nothing that hasn't happened to many other girls." She said. She always felt stupid admitting Rick had hurt her. She had been taught by her father and stepmother that a man's woman was meant to roughed up a bit. That's why mom left, she couldn't accept Dad smacking her around a bit. He said that made her a weak person. Mark told Charlie it was all bullshit, but from what Rick had done and how most guys went about her, she had pretty much assumed that's the way it was. But she didn't believe the women were meant to be, just that it happened a lot.

Charlie smiled internally at the harshness in his voice. He sounded rather protective. She should give him a bit more than that though. "He was an angry sort of guy." She said, "And I screwed up a lot, you know?" She looked down a bit and shrugged. Rick had sent her to the emergency room twice and actually made her stay nights at the main hospital twice. Broken wrist, broken ankle, were emergency room. Broken ribs she had to be admitted and his personal and inovative way to force an abortion landed her in the hospitol for about a week. But those were extreme days. She had a lot of black eyes and bloody lips. Sickly enough, he seemed to get turned on by her being bruised up or bleeding a bit.

[charliemcpherson]

”You’re right, I don’t,” he replied when she said that he didn’t have to be nice to her. ”But, why wouldn’t I?” he continued, not exactly phrasing it as a question he expected her to answer, but more like a statement. He didn’t have to be nice to anyone, and yet he rarely was anything but. Until someone gave him a reason to act differently, he was himself, to some degree, and he was a nice guy. Feeling her head on his shoulder gave him a level of comfort, he liked the she-Charlie, for that he was certain and therefore he would be nice to her, even more so then others, until she gave him reason not to.

"Nothing that hasn't happened to many other girls."

He nodded, unsure of whether to push it anymore. He knew what she was implying, the fact that she may have taken a beating or two at the hands on an ex, she had just told him about being admitted into the hospital. It was sad really, that Charlie could sit here and simply nod as she told him about being physically assaulted, it was sad that people in the world felt that they had the power to hurt someone like that. He didn’t care what anyone said, especially when talking about a relationship, there was no precedence for sending another to the hospital. Life or death, then of course, but when it came to something like this, or at least what he was assuming her situation was with the info given to him, it was completely unnecessary.

"He was an angry sort of guy. And I screwed up a lot, you know?"

Leaning his head back on the bed, his hair falling back of his face, Charlie rolled his eyes. ”Really, you think you deserved to be sent the hospital by him? Come on Charlie, and this isn’t just me being nice, no girl really deserves to be beaten and I’m sure you’re included in that,” he looked back down at her, kissing her forehead gently. ”And I don’t think you should blame yourself, not when he can’t control himself enough to care about your well-being.”

[charlie]

”Really, you think you deserved to be sent the hospital by him? Come on Charlie, and this isn’t just me being nice, no girl really deserves to be beaten and I’m sure you’re included in that,”

Charlie thought about it for a minute, titling her head up to look at him for a moment. He really was an attractive guy. She didn't go for many blonds, but she wasn't going for him...right? She looked back down, allowing her thoughts to drift back into the conversation. "I don't blame myself for being hit." She said slowly, as if realizing it for the first time. She paused thinking for a moment again. She blamed herself for letting it bother her. She blamed herself for what happened to her unborn child, she shouldn't have been so stupid as to tell him.

"I don't know Charlie, I guess I blame myself for staying with him long enough to let it happen." She sat up a bit, staying in his arm she let her face him a bit more. "I blame myself..." She began again just speaking a bit softer, "for letting him get to me." She said with a small nodd. She didn't want to talk about it that much. He had already gotten her to say more about the ''Rick' topic than anyone else. Which was a big deal. She didn't tell people about Rick. The only person who really knew the details, including the rape and pregnancy was Mark and he had promptly went to the guy and beat the shit out of him. The only reason he hadn't went to the police was because Charlie begged him to just drop it.

But, that might not be completely true. Charlie's father knew quite a bit about the issue. All he did was gripe and moan about the hospitol bill. She had a kid beaten and killed that was growing inside her from the father of the child kicking her repeatedly and her father was worried about the bill. When she confronted him, it was the same answer as always. That's just the way the world of relationships work; you should go back to him, work it out. Even Charlie Wood wasn't stupid or pathetic enough to go back to Rick. Mark had told him if he ever came into contact with her again, it didn't matter what his sister said, he'd go to the police. She appreciated but granted, did think it a bit much.

[charliemcpherson]

He lifted his arm from where it had been lying at his side, and wrapped it around Charlie, pulling her closer to him. His mind flashed to earlier that night and how he had been wondering simply looking for something to do and the randomness of seeing Charlie, all alone outside the club and acting very much like something was wrong. She had been somewhat snappy when she had thrown herself at him, a characteristic he hadn’t yet associated with her. Was this what was bothering her then? It would make sense. Her first intention had obviously was not to talk and yet the subject seemed to come easily. It was on her mind, but of course it was. It couldn’t be something one just got over. Charlie wanted to reassure her, make sure she knew that not all men were like that, but most of all he wanted to beat the shit out of the guy who had hurt her. He may be a nice sweet guy on the outside, but that didn’t mean he didn’t get angry and his defensive side didn’t come out.

"I don't know Charlie, I guess I blame myself for staying with him long enough to let it happen.”

In an ignorant way he wanted to say that he understood, but he really didn’t. He didn’t get why someone never wanted to play the victim, even when they really were. It was always those who did things to themselves that cried about it like they had been hurt, like it wasn’t their fault. This guy was the one who had raised his fist at her, and no matter what she may have done to cause a reaction, violence was the wrong one.

He sighed, looking down at the top of her head as she leaned against his shoulder. ”I blame myself... for letting him get to me." Nothing that he said now would change her mind and make her feel differently, he knew that, and still he wanted to try so bad, he also wanted to just grab her and kiss her and never stop, but he held back on that action… for now. ”It’s okay,” he began, squeezing her slightly as a sign of comfort, even though she hadn’t apologized to him or really asked for his opinion. ”And I don’t mean to sound like some stupid ignorant guy, but don’t blame yourself,” he shook his head. ”No matter what you may have done, hurting you like that was not the way to deal with it and even if you stayed with him, leaving is not something that’s easy,” when you loved someone, leaving wasn’t something you think you’d have to do, and when it comes to that point, it couldn’t be easy. Even if he didn’t have a past like she did, he understood that. However, he didn’t want her to think that he was attempting to feel her pain and understand exactly what she was going through. Charlie M. wasn’t stupid and the last thing he wanted to do was act it.

”And I’m not gunna try to make you change your mind about it all, but still, you didn’t deserve what you got.”

[charlie]

"And I don’t mean to sound like some stupid ignorant guy, but don’t blame yourself,”

Charlie just watched him as he spoke. Everything he said, seemed honest. That was something different. There had to be some hidden message of hate, or dislike, or anger or...I don't know, something, to prove him just as much of an ass as the others. There had to be...right? She shook her head a bit, "You don't sound ignorant." She said so softly it was almost a whisper but she said it honestly and she meant it. He didn't sound ignorant at all. He didn't sound like an expert on the matter but not ignorant. In Charlie W.'s mind, a person can't sound ignorant if what they're saying is being said for the good of the other person. Niave maybe, not ignorant.

She watched him as he kept speaking, as if he knew. He just knew it wasn't her fault. He hadn't been there, he hadn't met Rick and he knew and as much as she hated to admit it she was glad he knew. She was happy he just knew it wasn't her fault when so many other blamed her, when so many others thought it was insane she was ever upset. Alright not too many others since only her father and Mark knew the whole story. Not even Julie, her best friend knew. She would say one of her best friends but Charlie did have a lot of girls who were friends. She didn't have many true friends for that matter and Julie was a true friend.

And then Charlie did something she hadn't done for a long time. She kissed him...on the lips. She didn't know why she had, it just happened. She leaned in and very gently touched her lips to his, surprised she pulled away a bit, but then something stranger happened, she kissed him again, this time a bit longer in a liplock. She had forgotten how good kisses felt. After a moment or two she pulled away and looked at him. Surprised at herself. "I'm sorry." She said but she didn't really mean it. She didn't regret kissing him.

[charliemcpherson]

One second they were talking, and the next she was kissing him. He smiled as her lips gently grazed his and she pulled back. It wasn’t too unexpected, but the simplicity and gentleness of it, made him appreciate it so much more. Kissing the she-Charlie was something he wanted to do much more and as she kissed him again he happily kissed her back. Bringing his arm over, he placed his hand on the lower side of her face, his fingers lightly grazing her neck. As she pulled away again, his eyes met hers, and he smiled calmly, bringing his hand down, letting it fall to his side.

"I'm sorry."

She was? For some reason, he didn’t believe her, and for a million reasons, didn’t want to believe her. Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Charlie smiled, kissing her lightly once again. ”Don’t be sorry,” he moved his head back so it was a standard distance away, looking at her. She was beautiful, blond, like him, but that didn’t matter and for the first time, really took a second to look at her eyes. They were usually one of the first thing he looked at. Being an boobs kinda guy, that was the first, shallow but true, but eyes were up there on the list. He was slightly confused as to why he hadn’t taken a good look before, they were blue and beautiful, deep but unquestioning. Coming out of a slight daze, he snapped back to reality.

He leaned in and met his lips with hers again, liking her taste. ”I don’t want you to be sorry.”

[charlie]

Charlie allowed him to kiss her back and welcomed him when he kissed her again. His lips were softer than she remembered Rick's to have been. But nothing mattered to her right now, other than this moment.

”I don’t want you to be sorry.”

She smiled and shook her head, "I'm not." She said, "I only said that because, you were the one who wanted to talk in the first place and then for me to kiss you and-" She said this all very quickly and was about to continue when she simply stopped and looked at him, "I'm thinking too much, aren't I?" She asked rather rhetorically. She sighed and rested her head back on his shoulder. She turned her head to look up at him. She let her hand reach up and guide his head to look down at hers. She pulled herself up the smallest amount to let herself kiss him.

Her hand remained at neck as she deepened the kiss. She didn't want to worry about this. She didn't want to start thinking again. So she let it happen. She would worry about it later, when both Charlie's lips weren't interlocked. Mark was right, something strange and unexpected did happen on this two year anniversery. Maybe just not the unexpected he expected to be unexpected to be happening...yeah, that sounds right.

[charliemcpherson]

”Yah,” he replied, turning his head down to look at her, kissing her again. ”You are,” he spoke in almost a whisper, knowing that it had been him who had brought her here to talk, but now he really didn’t mind kissing her. Thinking was usually his job, and his mind always seemed to be jumping from thought to thought, making everything seem like such a big deal when it really wasn’t, but now, all he could think about was how beautiful the she-Charlie was and how he had gotten her to actually sit and talk with him. He felt so carefree and happy it was almost embarrassing.

His hands moved to her back, slipping up underneath her shirt to massage the bare skin as she pulled herself up and kissed him again, this time with much more passion. It felt different then in the club, much more natural. He didn’t hesitate to kiss back, sitting up straighter, arching his back to lean into her.

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive.
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go.
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love.
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken.
The Next Morning

Sunlight peeked through the blinds, shining light into the once dark room, causing the young man asleep on one of the beds to stir slightly. Charlie M. remained asleep, his one arm still wrapped around the she-Charlie. They had fallen asleep only hours ago after meeting at a club to come back to his room… to talk. Had he been awake, Charlie might have marvelled at the fact that the two of them were still fully clothed, and had refrained from actually sleeping together. He wouldn’t have minded, of course, but still, some times it was better to simply fall asleep in each other’s arms. He lay there, still asleep, his breathing low and heavy, exhausted from the previous night, not so much physically, but emotionally as well.

Where does the good go?

[charlie]

She smiled through a kiss as they continued. She felt his arms wrap themselves around her and she couldn't help but feel extremely comfortable as they lay down. Right there on the floor next to his bed, or wone of his roomie's bed, but who knew and who cared. And slowly they both fell asleep right there, his arm around her with her laying on her side, head on his shoulder and her arm over his torso.....


The next morning.....

She slept with Charlie Mc. but this time, sleep is what they did. They hadn't even been near a bedroom last week when they had sex. And that was all they did, have sex. They hadn't talked to eachother and they hadn't kissed on the mouth. She hadn't let him even though he had attempted. She slept well too. She didn't want to open her eyes. For if she did and morning had come, the night was over and reality would kick it. She didn't want to see reality yet. But eventually, she had to open her eyes.

One eye first, then the other. She took a small breath and looked up at Charlie Mc. He was still asleep, and she knew she had to get out. She slipped out from his arm ever so slowly. How could she have done this? How could he be so stupid as to kiss him? He was just so nice and she was so tired of finding reasens to deny the nice guy of his sweet moments. That meant something. They had meant something and now, as promised, she was going to hurt him. He had been wrong. She did have to. She couldn't stay. If she didn't leave now she'd hurt him more later. Better get it over with.

She stood up slowly, she lifted her sweater off of the bed and slipped her shoes back on. She looked down at him once again, and with a sad smile she leanded down and gently kissed him on the forehead before she dashed silently out of the room. Last night was great, but the real word didn't work on connections and conversations and gentlness. It worked because of sex, money and, let's face it, violence. Why did she kiss him? She knew she would hurt him and now she was angry with herself. She slowly walked down the hallway.