( MEMOIRS OF A SURESH )

[Nina Suresh]

nina suresh: the full story
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"How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be"
- The Lion King
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[Nina Suresh]

AUGUST OF 1996
--- MOVING TO AMERICA ---

"Wow, it's weird how some days totally stick in your brain. Like, I remember everything about the day I left the Philippines. Possibly one of the most important and yet sad days of my life, despite being only seven years old. The day had been building up for a while so it wasn't like it was a suprise but it was still a bit of a shock to go for a walk and come home to a completely empty house. At seven years old and having lived in the house for my first years of life, I simply couldn't understand why all of my belongings were packed up into boxes and why my bed was being carried into a truck by these big scary-looking men. It was bizzare and I didn't like it. Even then, I could feel that something big was about to happen.

Mum didn't want to me to have to watch my belongings all disappear so she sent me off to play with my cousins for a few hours. Not that Leti wanted to really play. At seven years old she was already much more 'mature' compared to me. I always felt sort of young around her but that was probably because of her obvious air of confidence. She always was one to attract a scene. Anyway, she didn't seem that interested in playing with me although I don't actually know what she was doing instead but that doesn't matter. Carlito was always eager to hang out with me and took me outside to the Bagalayos backyard where we played basketball for a while. He'd been teaching me how to play for a while now and I was getting pretty good but I had a lot on my mind today so I wasn't completely focused. After missing another basket, I picked up the orange basketball and hugged it to my chest and looked at Carlito. "How far is America?" I asked. We hadn't studied the world much yet so the name 'America' didn't mean much to me yet. "Far away I think. It's probably like an hour away maybe?" Carlito wasn't sure either.

Oh how naive we were back then.

We talked for a bit more after that but not for long. At seven years old, the idea of being more than an hour away from my favourite cousins was too hard to comprehend. So we kept playing basketball and made the most of what was to be our final moments with each other for a long time, not that we knew it at that point. Finally my uncle Roberto told me it was time for us to head home but when we got home, it wasn't the home I remembered. There were big trucks outside of the house and when we walked in, everything was gone. The TV I'd sat in front of so many times, gone. The dryer I'd tried to climb into in a game of hide and seek and ended up stuck in, disappeared. My own bed, my source of comfort, vanished. Standing in the middle of my room where my bed used to be, I burst into tears. I didn't understand it. Where was everything? My mother comforted me and told me we were moving to a new house, a better house, far far away. She led me outside to say our final goodbyes and I saw so many of my close friends and family there, some also sheding tears.

As I got ready to get in the car, Mum told me I wouldn't be seeing Carlito for a while. For me, a while was a few days. How wrong I was. Still, I cried a whole lot as I hugged everyone goodbye, leaving Carlito until last. Clinging onto him, I continued to let tears streak my cheeks. "I'm going to miss you heaps," I sobbed. "Hey hey, it's fine. I'll see you soon." Carlito handled my tears pretty well for an eight year old boy. Then again he did have two sisters so that helped. Giving Carlito one last tight hug, I climbed into my father's big car and settled back into the car seat. We pulled out of the drive way and I turned around in my seat to see Carlito chasing the car with a few of our school friends, waving madly. Carlito's hair was pushed back by the wind and looked almost comical and I smiled as I blew kisses out the window. I had no idea that this would be the last I'd see of Carlito or any of my friends for at least ten years.

Ten years. Ten long years, and I can't help wondering what happened to my friends. What happened to Christina, who's mum was pregnant with Chrissie's baby sister? What about Anthony, who always shared his lunch with me? All these people that I didn't get to grow up with. All these people that I'll possibly never see again. If only I'd known back then, just how far America was. Maybe I would have given them all just that extra squeeze to last them ten years. I wouldn't change the move for the world though.
America is my home now."