( PLEASE DON'T FORGET ! )

[Alexandra Suresh]

the untold story:
ALEXANDRA SURESH

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"bruises fade father,
but the pain remains the same"

banner by HAY ALISON ! at caution v.2

[Alexandra Suresh]

MAY OF 2004
--- DISCOVERING HER FATHER'S SECRET ---

"At the age of twelve, I was incredibly naive, to say the least. I wasn't aware of the girls who sneaked out of my eldest brother Jackson's bedroom at six o'clock in the morning, despite it being on a regular basis. I wasn't aware of my other brother Timothy's lack of friends or the fact that he never spoke directly to our father. I definitely wasn't aware of the bags under my mother's eyes from working too hard to feed us all.

I didn't bother focusing on any of these things because they had no revelence to me as far as I was concerned. Boy I was wrong on several accounts. Anyway, I didn't worry about my family because families weren't meant to have issues. Home was my safe zone where I could go and forget about all of my tiny and oh-so-insignificant problems to Mama. Those problems seemed so important back then. My biggest worry back then was whether my school dress looked right compared to everyone else and whether my best friends were coming to the park with me after school. I thought those things were so important.

That all changed in one night.

It was the night after my good friend Rachel's birthday party. Oh boy, what a party. Pretty much our entire class was there and we played Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle and all of those typical party games but we were only twelve so things weren't too crazy of course. I was one of the last few to leave the party and it was probably around 10pm since we spent the last hour or so just mucking around and chatting. We being my usual gang of friends: Me, Rachel, Lucy, Matt and Josh. Matt lived on my street so we walked home together afterwards and since it was such a small town the walk from Rachel's house to mine only took about five or ten minutes. "See ya tomorrow Lex!" Matt said and gave me a small hug which was about as good as it got with him. Hugs from Matt were pretty rare unless you were a good friend like me. Anyway, that's irrelevant. So I hugged him back. "You bet. See ya!" I waved goodbye as I headed up to the front door. I wasn't too quiet because it was unlikely that anyone was asleep yet and if they were, that didn't matter either because us Sureshes were a bunch of deep sleepers.

I expected that everyone would be in their usual places and I was almost right. Jackson was out again as usual, Tim was hiding in his room and Mum was out doing a night shift at the small pub she worked at. So everything was as it should be which meant that Dad should have been either in the lounge room watching sports or in the kitchen reading the paper. This is why I was so confused when I heard snoring coming from the lounge. This was unusual. Dad never went to sleep this early and why would he be sleeping on the couch? I was a bit scared, to be honest. This was different and I wasn't used to different. My life was made up of a pretty constant routine and Dad sleeping on the couch wasn't part of that routine. Had he had a fight with Mum again or something? I tiptoed into the lounge and watched my dad take his deep breaths as he slept on, obvlivious to my presence there. And then I spotted a bunch of empty beer bottles on the floor. It was then that I got a hint of what was going on. Although a part of me was screaming the truth, a bigger part of me just convinced me that maybe he'd just had a rough day or something. Maybe they weren't even his bottles. Maybe he'd had friends over too.

A few nights went on and I kept a close eye on my dad. I sneaked around a little and did a little bit of spying to confirm my fears, desperately trying to understand it and hoping there was a simple explanation but it was useless. Dad was an alcoholic. Seeing him on the couch had confirmed it but when I overheard Mum yelling at Dad for blowing our week's spendings on beer, it was clear to even me. Dad was an alcoholic and obviously everyone else knew except for me. Well now I did. Now I knew for sure and I never looked at Dad the same way I had ever again. He changed me that night, as dramatic as it sounds. Suddenly my big problems didn't seem so big anymore. Now I needed to worry about my dad's addiction and where it would take him. We'd learned a bit about alcohol at school and I knew some of the dangers. I didn't want that happening to Dad, as much as it was his fault. He was my dad and he was there for me so I should be there for him.
Right?"

[Alexandra Suresh]

MARCH OF 2007
--- WATCHING TIM LEAVE HOME ---

"I was fourteen when my eldest brother Jackson moved out of home. He packed his bags over the period of about two months because he's extremely lazy like that and finally he gave me a last big hug, got in his truck and drove down the driveway, around a corner and out of Hinesville. I'll admit, I cried for a few days and spent a lot of nights sitting in his room by myself and missing him. He was my eldest brother, my big protector. He was the guy who threatened my ex-boyfriend when he dumped me. He was the one who carried me half way across town when I sprained my ankle at seven years old while trying to climb a tree in the local park. Jackson had always been there for me and now he'd gone. Yeah, I was upset. But at least he left on good terms with Mama and Dad. They understood why he was leaving, well Mama did and somehow managed to persuade Dad that it was okay. So he was okay to leave.

When Tim left, let's just say it was different. A lot different.

Tim wasn't exactly the most ambitious kid in our family, that role went to me apparently with my dreams of being a big star but Tim still knew what he didn't want and he didn't want to become a lousy postman like Dad. Dad wanted him to though. He needed someone to take over the job when he couldn't work anymore or I suppose when his alcohol addiction consumed him so much that working wouldn't be an option. Anyway, he basically expected Tim to follow in his sad footsteps since Jackson had moved out to do whatever. He told Tim this several times and Tim just shrugged it off but one day Dad decided to get serious and talk to Tim about it to make sure Tim knew how everything worked and that he'd know what to do when he took over the 'family business'.

Gosh, I remember that night so clearly. I was in my bedroom working on some science homework when I heard Dad yelling at Tim. I wasn't too worried because their fights had become a regular occurance now but I still managed to pick up a few words that I hadn't heard before. "It's all your fucking fault anyway!" "Don't talk to your father like that!" There was Mama interrupting and trying to be the martyr as usual. Poor Mama, dinner smelt delicious but I doubted Tim or Dad would be eating after this fight. "I can handle this Cath." Dad sounded drunk which wasn't new but still, I hated the fact that he drank so much and so often. The fight continued and I tuned out and turned my music up a bit louder to drown them out but then I heard Tim stomp past my bedroom and paused to listen to his loud voice utter some truely terrifying words:

"I'm leaving. Try having THAT on your fucking conscience when the rest of this family gets screwed up!"

Tim was always threatening to leave but not like this. Not in the middle of a heated fight. My science homework was abandoned as I rushed to his room, only next to mine, and stared as he threw as many things as he could into a big suitcase. "You're not really leaving right? You'll come back tomorrow?" My voice was so timid and scared that it must have struck something in Tim because he paused in his packing and looked up at me. "I'm sorry Alex. I really am. I'll call you." His words sounded final, like we wouldn't see each other again and that scared me even more but I was too shocked to try and stop him until he was already walking out of the bedroom.

Tears were already pouring down my face by the time I met him at the front door. It didn't take me much to cry these days and I knew Tim hated seeing me upset so I prayed he would stop and consider me for a moment. I didn't want him leaving me with Dad. Mama was always working now so it would just be me and Dad and that really scared me. Dad was scary when he was angry or drunk, and doubly scary when he was both. "Tim, Timmy, don't go! What am I going to do if you're not here? You can't go! Just stay tonight and talk to Dad tomorrow when you're both calmer!" I begged Tim, grabbing onto his shirt. Tim just shook his head though and prised my fingers away from his shirt as he stepped out the door. "Bye." He said quietly as he gave me one last quick hug, just like Jackson had done, and then he walked down the front path, around the corner and he was gone. Gone from Hinesville and gone from my life.

I cried myself to sleep in Tim's room for about a week."

[Alexandra Suresh]

AUGUST OF 2007
--- DAD ARRIVES IN VALKYRIE ---

"My name is Alex Suresh and I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. We've established this already but I thought I'd remind everyone reading this because it's quite an important fact in relevnce to the tale I'm about to tell you.

My entire life had always been quite fickle and slightly dramatic but everything completely changed in my final week of summer holidays before my junior year. It had been a pretty awesome holidays so far. I'd had a ton of sleepovers with Amber and Hayden and did the usual holiday activities. Went to the beach nearly every day. Bugged Timothy. Shopped with Aunty Mel. Chatted to a hungover Nina. The usual. Anyway so it was the last week and I was surprisingly looking forward to school this year. I was going to be a junior and that was pretty exciting. I would miss the nice sleep-ins though and the big late nights that were pretty much banned during the school week. Aunty Mel is pretty strict when she wants to be.

Anyway so last week of holidays and I didn't really have much planned. I figured I'd savour my last moments of freedom down by the beach and maybe have a sleepover with Amber or something. I didn't get a chance to do any of that. All my plans for the week were blowned out the window on Tuesday afternoon.

II was up in my bedroom reading one of the books on my summer reading list 'Wuthering Heights'. It wasn't a school book or anything. I just told myself I should read it before the end of the holidays because I was trying to read more of the classics. Jane Austen was next. As I read the last paragraph of chapter twenty-three I heard the door bell ring. Knowing that Tim and Austyn were downstairs I didn't bother moving and sure enough after a few seconds I heard someone opening the door and tuned back into my book. I was interrupted though when I heard Tim's loud shouts and another deep, familair voice responding. Shit. I had to be imagining that. Flinging my book onto my bed and losing the page in the process, I rushed out of my bedroom and onto the top of the staircase. Leaning over the bannister I stared down at my father's red face shouting at Tim. They were both yelling and it was impossible to understand what either of them were saying.

"Daddy? What the hell are you doing here?" I called out. My voice made both Tim and Dad fall silent. I felt Carlito come and stand behind me and put a hand on my shoulder protectively. He was always looking out for me even though we're not technically related, bless him. Hopefully it showed Dad that he was outnumbered here. I had two men on my side, even though calling Tim and Carlito men was weird but they were. They were adults and both probably stronger than Dad. Anyway besides the point. Dad looked up at me, his face switching from anger to desperate and to be honest, it scared me a little. Or maybe that was just Dad. Ever since he lay his hands on me, it was hard to look at him in a nice point of view. Actually ever since I found him passed out on the couch a few years ago it was hard to look at him positively.

Dad seemed unable to respond right now which gave me time to glare at Tim who looked like he was about to knock Dad out. Tim rolled his eyes at me but still stepped back and reluctantly closed the front door which he'd left open. Probably hoping to get Dad to leave. I walked down the stairs slowly and stopped about half-way down. Suddenly I didn't want to get any closer to Dad. He wouldn't dare hit me in front of Tim but I couldn't help being slightly afraid of him. "Alex, I'm so sorry." Dad's voice startled me. It sounded like he was about to cry and he looked like it too. "I-I didn't know what I was doing that night. But please, you've gotta come home, Princess. Please. This is killing your mum and I." The guilt talk. Of course. How low of him to use guilt on me. Tim looked pretty pissed at that too but I knew what to say. "You chose to drink that night, just like you did every other night. If you want to blame someone blame yourself. This is my home now." Dad shook his head and clearly disagreed but before he could say anything else, Aunty Mel finally emerged from the kitchen where she'd been trying to prepare dinner.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" she asked, giving me and the boys a look to shoo us away. Although my aunt could be incredibly overbearing, she knew that Dad was bad news and grabbed his arm, leading him into the kitchen and away from me. As soon as Dad and Aunty Mel disappeared, Tim stepped forward and engulfed me in a big hug. "We'll get him out of the house as soon as we can, I promise. He will not come near you," he said determinedly and I nodded into his chest, hugging him back. Finally he let me go and I bolted up the stairs.

I passed on dinner that night. There was no way I was eating in the same room as Dad. While everyone ate I texted Amber to tell her the sleepover at my house tomorrow was off. I didn't want Amber being around Dad. That would to questions and I didn't want to talk about him. Carlito brought up a plate for me later but no matter how much I ate, nothing could get rid of that uneasy feeling in my stomach. I had no idea what I was in for but I knew something big was about to happen.

If only I knew how big. "


^{* banner by SHANE YOU GRAY @ caution v.2}

[Alexandra Suresh]

SEPTEMBER OF 2007
--- THE KIDNAPPING PART ONE ---

"There are some things you don't tell anyone. Certain secrets that remain close to your heart right until the day you give your final dying breath and even then, the secret dies with you. These type of secrets are usually the type of secrets that you don't want to keep because they tend to be about the most awful and life-changing events in your life. For Alex Suresh, she had plenty of secrets of this kind. Ever since she was twelve years old and found her father passed out on the couch with a large array of beer bottles surrounding his feet, Alex Suresh had been carrying secrets around with her that were much too big for a girl her age. The most prominent? Her father's tragic alcohol problem. He'd been an alcoholic for almost as long as Alex could remember and an abusive alcoholic at that. He'd scream at the rest of his family, lash out at anyone close enough and thankfully that was never Alex until the one fateful night that resulted in her running away from home and to Valkyrie. When she left home and caught the bus out of town, the first thing she thought was that she never needed to see her father ever again. She was finally out of that small going-no where town and finally got to live a life without being scared of coming home every day in fear of finding her dad unconscious again. No more.

That was way back in around May of 2007 and it was now August. It had been several months since she ran away and began a new life in Valkyrie. Several months of settling in and finally being actually happy. Sure, she missed her big old group of friends but now she had Amber and Hayden who made up for them by far. Alex loved it in Valkyrie. Everything had been perfect until her father showed up on the front door step, demanding that Alex came home with him. She refused of course but that just made him determinded to stay until she caved in. This meant that Alex had been forced to live with the one man she detested the most for several weeks now. Now, a few weeks on and Alex was back at school but the arrival of Harry Suresh had definitely taken it's toll on her. Almost every night Alex had been having vivid nightmares and waking up at three and four am in the morning which had resulted in permanent bags under her eyes and she found herself constantly distracted when she was out of the house, worrying about whether her dad was going to be drunk when she got home. Alex had been hoping he'd only stay for a few days before giving up but stubbornness did run in the family and Harry was no exception but then again neither was Alex. She refused to go back to Hinesville and he refused to go back without her. Nevertheless, Alex figured that eventually her father would realise he wasn't going to persuade his daughter to come home with him and would leave alone. Not the case unfortunately. Well not exactly anyway.

Things really started going downhill however, on Wednesday night, 5th of September to be exact. Alex went to school, half listened in class and tried to convince Hayden and Amber that she was fine just like she had the past few days and weeks and made idle chatter at the dinner table before hiding up in her bedroom for the rest of the night, just like every other time. By about ten pm she was tired and climbed into bed and fell asleep pretty quickly afterwards. After all the stress she'd been suffering lately, for once Alex was actually getting a good night's sleep in her own bed. Lately this had been a rare occurrence. As usual, Alex slept on through most of the night in a deep sleep until around three o'clock on the morning. A slight creak sounded from her bedroom door and Alex shifted slightly, still fast asleep though. The creak continued as footsteps approached her determinedly. With a small heave, Alex was hoisted out of her comfortable bed and into the arms of her father, Harry Suresh. Alex mumbled slightly, still sleeping, much to Harry's luck and he tiptoed down the stairs, wobbling slightly but managing to keep quiet until he snuck her out the back door, around the fence and out to his car on the road. Harry opened the door and put Alex into the passenger seat, doing up the seatbelt roughly before ducking around to the driver's side and buckling himself up hurriedly. He had no idea when Alex was going to wake up or if he'd already been seen so he needed to leave as soon as possible. It seemed he was going to get away with this though. Moments later, the small cheap car groaned into gear and shuffled down the street and out of the Valks area. Harry smiled to himself as he glanced behind him and at his innocently sleeping daughter. Finally she'd be where she belonged.


banner by MALIA! @ caution

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[Alexandra Suresh]

SEPTEMBER OF 2007
--- THE KIDNAPPING PART TWO ---

"Alex had always been the type to fall asleep during long car rides so Harry wasn't surprised that his only daughter slept through a fair bit of their car ride. Unfortunately she had to wake up eventually as the sun came up and shone straight in her eyes, at around eight o'clock on the morning. By now it had been about five hours and at the speed that Harry had been driving, they were pretty far from Valkyrie now. As Alex slowly woke up, her eyes opening reluctantly, she frowned. "Hm? Wassgoingon?" she mumbled, yawning immediately after she spoke. The yawn opened her eyes a little more and she realised she was moving. "Whaaa?" Alex rubbed her eyes repeatedly and then realised she was in a car. Suddenly she got that feeling. That feeling you get in the bottom pit of your stomach that tells you that something is seriously wrong. Alex turned her head to the side and sitting in the driver's seat was her father. Alex instinctively let out a small scream, drawing Harry's attention to her. "Ah morning, sunshine." Alex spotted the slight slur in his voice and glanced at his hands. Sure enough, one hand was gripping the wheel and the other was holding a half empty bottle of beer. "Dad, what's going on? Where are we? I've got school tomorrow!" Alex exclaimed, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible.

Harry laughed at Alex's words, almost a little scarily as he took another gulp of beer. "Exactly. That's why we've gotta get back to Hinesville as quickly as we can. Wouldn't want you to fall behind." he chuckled. Alex froze. "Hinesville? Dad, I go to school in Valkyrie..." she trailed off, a slight edge of panic slowly seeping into her voice. She really didn't like the look in her most likely drunk father's eyes. "No, you went to school in Valkyrie for a little bit but you know you belong in Hinesville with me and your mother. You're coming home." Alex stared at her father. So he was actually serious. He was actually planning to drive Alex from California to Georgia. He was insane. Alex shook her head. "No, Dad. No, you can't do that. I live in Valkyrie now. You can't just force me to come with you!" Harry laughed. "Looks like I already did." he said, half under his breath. The car swerved slightly to the left and Alex took a sharp breath. "Shit, dad. Seriously let me out!" she exclaimed, reaching for the car door handle but Harry grabbed her arm forcefully and pulled it back. "Ow! Dad!" Alex recoiled away from him. "It's for the best, trust me. It's for the best." Harry mumbled over and over again, his eyes staring at the road as the car raced down the highway. Alex slumped back in her seat and rubbed the spot where her dad had gripped on her arm. It really was hopeless. There was no way she'd be able to get out of the car with him driving this fast.

"Dad, please slow down. You're going to get us killed." she tried again, desperate to do anything to make him slow down so she could try and get out."Nope, I told your mother I'd be back as soon as possible." Alex felt her breath quicken as she failed to remain calm for much longer. This was like some sort of nightmare except she knew she was sure she was awake and the pain in her arm made that clear. "Dad, come on!" Alex reached for the door handle again. Screw the speed limit and the dangers of jumping out of a moving car. She was in more danger just sitting in the car with her drunk father. Sure enough, the movement was noticed by Harry. With a grunt, he swung his hand out and hit Alex square on the face. "Ow! Dad!" she squealed loudly, turning her face away. Her cheek stung and she rubbed it, blinking tears away. "DAD! Let me out!" Alex's voice raised as she grabbed onto the door handle and tried to open it while her dad took another swig of beer but Harry seemed to have jammed it or locked it when he closed it last night. "Oi, you're staying in here with me!" Harry lashed out again, his fist colliding with the side of Alex's head. With that, Alex felt a few tears slip down her cheek and she slumped back in her seat once more, feeling absolutely hopeless and useless. She didn't even have her cell phone to text Amber or Hayden or Tim or anyone. Maybe Tim would figure it out and come for her. As Alex rested her head on the car window and watched the trees fly by, she bit her lip and tried to contain her tears. There had to be a way out.

There just had to be.


banner by JOECAT @ caution

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