( thanks for the memories )

[Jason Irving]

Jason Andrew Irving
"I'VE DONE THINGS I WOULDN'T DO AGAIN, I'VE MADE MISTAKES IN LIFE, BUT I DON'T REGRET ANYTHING BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON ."
--- author unknown

[Jason Irving]

the night of the car wreck
"ONE WORD FREES US FROM ALL THE WEIGHT AND PAIN IN LIFE; THAT WORD IS LOVE ."
--- sophocles

there isn’t much past the actual incident that jason remembers, seeing as the impact from the other car caused him to black out and he didn’t regain consciousness until he was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. what he does remember, well, none of it’s very pleasant. it was enough to give him frequent nightmares for months and even now, quite a few months after it happened, he still has vivid nightmares from time to time. sometimes, he’s trapped in a circle of the memories of what he actually knows of that night, repeating and repeating until he wakes up, other times his mind alters the wreck to where he dies and sees it from the paramedic’s point of view. and when he wakes up from the nightmares, he’s drenched in sweat, his heart feeling like it’s about to jump about of his chest. now, enough about that, on to the actual incident…

he was driving home from a date with annie; they had gone to the movies to see some sort of romantic comedy, though throughout the movie he had been paying more attention to his girlfriend than the actual show. afterwards, they had climbed into the back seat of his car, getting rather heated until he broke it off before it got too far. he hadn't told her he loved her yet, though the thought had been on his mind and he didn't want it to be meaningless when they took that step; he had been taught that sex was suppose to be about love and he wasn't going to go against what he was taught. anyways, they broke it off and he headed home, driving on the road he’d taken time and time again to get back to his house where there was a single four-way stop. the speed limit was about thirty-five and he didn't think much of it; driving down there fifty, a hundred times, it was just another almost-daily routine. unfortunately, on this night there happened to be a drunk driver coming the other way, easily going ten over the legal speed limit.

jason didn't realize it as he pulled out into the intersection that the oncoming headlights were not slowing down. it was only when it was too late did he realize they were way, way too close and there was nothing he could do. not that he didn't try, out of reflex he slammed down the gas pedal, hoping his little silver bmw would leap forward enough, but it didn't. everything seemed to happen in slow motion; the sudden impact and the screeching sound of the metal on the two cars grinding together, the windshield of his car shattering around him and, oddly enough, the lyrics playing on his radio. then he remembers a sharp pain on his forehead as his head slammed into the side of the car and then nothing.

since he was unconscious, he doesn't remember the woman who lived nearby rushing outside when she heard the same sounds that jason did, only much less clearly. he doesn't remember the lights flashing or the sounds of the sirens approaching. one of the paramedics shook his head as he stepped out of the ambulance. "there's no way the driver's still alive..." he had muttered as he looked at the crushed door of jason's car. finding a pulse on him had been a miracle and they had quickly placed an oxygen mask on him as they cut away the car to get to him as quickly as they could, jason knowing none of this.

the first thing he remembers after the initial impact was waking up in the back of the ambulance, nothing making sense at first. and then only a second later, it seemed like all of his senses were going into overload and he can remember the sound of the sirens on top of the vehicle and the unbearable pain going down his side, becoming worse with every breath he took. he remembers trying to get away from the pain and two pairs of strong hands holding his shoulders down, though it had been unnecessary. moving had made the pain increase ten fold.

his memories are foggy, but they're real enough, at least until after they arrived at the hospital and wheeled his stretcher through the er. then, he started to struggle to breathe more than he already was and everything faded away again. it wasn't until later he learned that was when his body went into shock, much to the surprise of the paramedics who figured it would happen much, much sooner than it did.

there’s nothing else he remembers of the hospital until he woke up in a room by himself, the pain still terrible, but noticeably lessened. he remembers an annoying beeping coming from beside his partially inclined bed, realizing rather slowly it was coming from the monitors attached to his chest, reading his heartbeat outloud. he remembers looking to his left and seeing two needles going into his arm, one attached to a small tube with a clear liquid running into him, the other with a red liquid, blood he realized a moment later, dripping into his body. a few moments, or at least it seemed like it to him, after he regained consciousness one of his doctors walked in and started questioning him. it was hard for him to think at first; a lot of his sentences starting with an "um" or an "uh" and then a pause before he could answer it, understandably, though. after going through the question, the doctor summed up what they had found out while he was unconscious and told him he was going to have to go into surgery.

now, with two parents who were surgeons, he knew the risks and such of surgery, and it terrified him. his two biggest fears were getting in a car wreck and needing surgery and because of one, he ended up needing the other. he was tempted to refuse; he could hear the beeping on the monitor next to his bed increasing a bit, but he was told he was still bleeding internally and they needed to stop it; he had lost too much blood as it was. that and his ribs weren't just cracked, there were a few that were broken to the point they most likely were not going to heal on their own.

it was frightening, since he knew emergency surgeries were obviously not a good thing, but he was asked if he had any relatives near by and he said no, since his parents lived in new york, but he ended up having them call ana to let her know. of course, getting the anaesthetic was not fun; it took only a few moments for him to go unconscious again since they gave it to him through an IV. he said later it felt like what he thought it would feel like to die; fighting the unconsciousness but unable to shake it.

waking up from the anesthetic wasn't any more fun; his throat was burning from the thick tube that had been down it during the surgery and shortly after he woke up, luckily there had been a nurse in the room, he ended up being sick. it was one of the side effects it tended to have on people and he fast learned it was not fun to throw up with broken ribs.

he was finally moved from the post-surgery room to the room that would be his until he was released, much to his relief, and it wasn't long after he was in there that ana came up. he remembers the sharp pain that went through his body as he wiggled to his left so she could lay beside him. he remembers how she rested her head against the side of his chest that hadn't been sliced open and just cried, relieved he was still alive and how he rubbed her back to the best of his ability, doing his best to soothe her.

the rest of his stay in the hospital is very, very foggy. some memories are there, some aren't because of the morphine he was on for pain relief. the end of his stay is clearer than the beginning; the first few days he doesn't remember any of. and when he was finally allowed to go back to his house he had to sleep on the recliner in his living room because laying flat hurt. not to say just sitting didn't hurt, but laying on his back hurt much worse. and ana insisted she move in with him so he had someone to help him around his house.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Jason Irving]

the breakup with anabel
"LOVE IS MUCH LIKE A WILD ROSE; BEAUTIFUL AND CALM, BUT WILLIING TO DRAW BLOOD IN ITS DEFENSE ."
--- mark overby

this story begins with a back story, but i'll keep it short. like i said earlier, jason was in the car wreck, but after the first surgery he ended up needing a second one because a couple of the ribs ended up not healing properly. well, even a couple months after it, the scars still made him incredibly self conscious and one evening when he and ana were, um, starting something in their bed, she slid her hand across the two scars and he pulled away without even really realizing he did. it turned into the two of them talking about how the wreck was still affecting him and annie came to the conclusion it would be better if they took a break and he tried to figure himself out and then they could think about being a couple after that.

well, three days after, jason's concerned friend, who happened to be his ex before ana, came over to see why he was ignoring her texts and calls; it was quite unlike him. he had been curled up on his bed in sweats and a t-shirt and he refused to answer the door when the bell rang, so she ended up just letting herself in, though he didn't care; she was one of his best friends. she looked around the house for him and found him on his bed and being the sweetheart he is, he made room for her so she didn't have to stand to talk to him.

it started out with jason basically saying ana left, not giving her any details. now, she was his ex and she still had feelings for him. it was something he knew but didn't really know at the same time. like he knew she did by the way she acted, but he didn't really pay attention to it; she knew he was with annie and he loved her. well, her showing her affection for him ended up with her kissing him.

for some reason, feeling her lips on his seemed to mask the aching he felt in his heart, so he kissed her back. completely out of character for him, his mind focused on where a "typical" guy's mind would be - on the sex he was going to get out of it. like he later told ana, the thoughts that were going through his mind was that she said they were on a break. technically they weren't a couple so this wasn't cheating. it didn't take long for him to pull her shirt off over her head and to lay back with her on top of him.

not long after that, ana showed up at his house. she was planning on talking to him, possibly to see how they could work things out and if he wasn't there, since she still had his key, she'd pick up a few things she had left behind when she went to stay with her mom. she, too, let herself in his house and hearing the bed springs, she assumed he was just upstairs with one of his friends, since there was a car in his driveway that didn't belong to him.

she walked upstairs and saw his ex on top of him, topless and it broke her heart. he realized what he was doing the second he saw ana sink to the ground. pulling his body out from beneath his ex, he tried to apologize to both of them, though he knew what he did. he knew that an apology wasn't good enough. he went to ana, whom he was now certain truly was his ex and wrapped his arms around her, knowing she was going to leave, and her sharp words caused him to drop his arms from her like she burned him, hurt echoing through his eyes. "Get away from me, you bastard." And yet, he deserved nothing less.

when his ex left and annie went to go get her things, jason tried to go down his steps to get away from what he had just done, but he ended up missing a step and falling. throwing his arm out to catch him, he landed on his hand with a crack and a sharp pain shooting through his wrist. not that it was important to him, not compared to what he did. when he finally stopped his momentum, he slid the rest of the way down the steps and sat at the bottom, telling himself he would have felt so much better if he had broken his neck instead of his wrist.

ana obviously came down the steps once she had collected all of her belongings to see the young man's form curled up in a ball at the bottom of the steps, sobbing, not from his wrist, but from his stupidity. when she told him she was leaving, he struggled to his feet and pulled her engagement ring from his pocket; he had grabbed it shortly after he got off of his bed with her in his room and tried to give it to her. he felt like she should have it even if it wasn't in the way she was suppose to. she refused, though, and he let it drop to the floor when she handed it back to him. he curled himself up on his couch, sobbing, oblivious to the fact she hadn't left yet until she offered to drive him to the hospital to have his wrist looked at. he didn't understand her concern and refused, hearing the door shut shortly after.

he cried so hard he made himself sick and when he walked out of his bathroom, he left, going for a run. it was what he did when he was stressed and he thought if he pushed himself far enough, it would give him some other sort of pain to think about than his heartbreak. unfortunatly, his run led him to town and to the club. that was when he began drinking, starting with only a few beers until it wasn't enough and he ended up drinking more and more until the alcohol he turned to was stronger than beer.

it stayed that way for two months; he'd spend most of his time either drunk, passed out, or hung over, something completely unlike him. he had always thought drinking was disgusting, but now it was something he turned to to ease his pain, though it seemed to only make it worse.

well, two months later, there was a back to school party he went to, hoping maybe he'd be able to get his mind off of what he did and what he had been doing, but it didn't take long for him to get a hold of a beer once he was there, leaving the whiskey he had bought earlier in his car for later. annie ended up being at the party, too, and once the two ran into each other, he started drinking faster, having three beers before he headed out to his car to get his whiskey.

it wasn't until there was a good amount of the whiskey gone that annie realized that it wasn't another beer and she was concerned that he might have had enough to kill himself. when he told her he was leaving, she knew him well enough to know he wasn't driving and she assumed there was no way he would find his way back to his house as drunk as he was, so she told him she was taking him home.

when they got to his house, he stumbled out of her car and made his way to his front door, tripping up his steps as he did so, falling and landing on his wrist he never got looked at. after watching that, ana followed him into his house to make sure he got up the steps to his bed safely. what she didn't realize until she was in there, was that he was avoiding the scene of his infidelity, sleeping on his couch in the living room.

as drunk as he was, once she cleaned up his cuts from his fall and brought him clothes down to sleep in, he ended up kissing her and much to his drunken surprise, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back. when he finally realized what he was doing, he pulled himself away from her as fast as he could, wrapping his body around his pillow, "Just kill me now," he had muttered, knowing how stupid he had been.

she then slid the boxers and shirt she had brought down from him towards him, telling him to get changed and walked out of the room, stepping on her engagement ring as she did. he told her once again to take it, and told her the matching wedding band was upstairs if she wanted it, too, but once again she refused.

shortly after he changed, he ended up being sick because of all the alcohol in his stomach and after what felt like an hour, he stumbled out of his bathroom and curled his freezing body up on his couch. a few minutes later, ana had come out of the bathroom with a cool rag, taking his pillow and resting it against her leg and telling him to lay down so he could sleep it off. she pressed the cool cloth to his forehead and ran her fingers through his curls, making him feel guilty about what he had done, both that night and when he had cheated on her. before he passed out, he apologized to her, for everything, he had said.

when he woke up the next morning, he stumbled into his kitchen to find her sitting at the table with a pair of his boxers and wifebeater on. the first thing that popped into his mind was that he had slept with her the previous night and when he voiced the question, she turned it down, saying they hadn't. after a few moments of awkward silence, she handed him a cup of coffee and a couple tylenol before he asked her why she had stayed and she told him she was scared. "you could've killed yourself, jason, as much as you drank," she had told him before saying she cared too much to see him self destruct like he was. he sighed, telling her he should already be dead and it was going to happen sooner or later, but seeing the concern in her eyes, he agreed to stop drinking and somehow, that had been enough for him to stop all together.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size]

[Jason Irving]

starting over and proposing
"LOVE DOES NOT CONSIST IN GAZING AT EACH OTHER BUT IN LOOKING TOGETHER IN THE SAME DIRECTION ."
--- antoine de saint-exupery

after the back to school party where ana had found him attempting to drink himself into oblivion, the two slowly started to become friends again against everything and everyone that said they shouldn't. a couple months later, he was going over to her apartment to pick her up so they could go look at better apartments in a better neighborhood for her; even though they weren't a couple, jason did not like her living in a place where there seemed to be constant drug deals going on.

as she was finishing getting ready, her phone rang, her mom on the other line. when she picked it up, jason sitting on the other end of the couch, she learned that her father had died. when jason heard this after she hung up the phone, he immediately went to comfort her, though he had learned when they were together they hadn't been close, though he never knew why. after a moment of sitting there, she burst into angry tears, saying he didn't understand it. "she's hated him for years. he broke her, he broke me, he, he, he..." she broke off and turned to him, sobbing against his chest when she swore she hated him.

jason didn't understand, but he offered to drive her to her mom's anyways, knowing that she should be with her. when they arrived, jason had planned on leaving, but stayed when ana said she wouldn't mind him being there. it didn't take anabel's mom to notice him and ask why the "cheating son of a bitch" was in her house and jason, being rather sensitive to criticism and harsh words, let ana answer for him. he understood her mom's anger toward him; if some man had done the same thing to his daughter that he had done to ana, he wouldn't want to see him, either.

things took a turn for the worst when mariana started crying again, calling her ex-husband a good man. her daughter made it clear she didn't want to hear that about her father and the sharp words she snapped at her mom before storming into the kitchen left jason in shock. "he was a cheating, lying scum bag. how can you be crying over him!?" and suddenly everything made sense to jason.

he told himself he was going back to new york; if he did that, he couldn't hurt her anymore and he'd be closer to his family. no, he wouldn't forget about her, just like he had never forgotten about hayley, but he told himself it would be better if he left.

well, they worked on planning the funeral for a good part of the day, jason keeping his head down and talking only to explain things when he had to. hearing that he had done the same thing to her that her father had done to her mom just sort of put everything into perspective for him; why exactly mariana had been so cautious of letting her daughter marry him to start with and why annie had needed to know that he really did love her.

when the two finally left, the beginning of the ride home was silent, only the sounds of the radio filling the car, at least until she asked him if he was sorry for what he had done or sorry that she walked in on him. jason turned the radio off, staying silent for a moment before finally answering her. "both," he had said quietly before elaborating. he told her he had been stupid and he still didn't understand why he had done it, but he wished that she hadn't walked in to see it. he told her that he might have gone ahead and had sex with his ex then, but he would have rather told her about his infidelity than have her walk in on him and see it.

that started a long conversation which ultimately ended in the two of them deciding to go ahead and try to fix what had gone wrong and start over. he had been hesitant to do it, afraid that he would end up hurting her again, but if she was willing to try it, so was he. it would take some time, he knew that and he knew that she knew that, but he hoped they could turn their relationship back into what they had before.

a few months later, jason took ana out to new york with him to meet his family and spend a couple days in new york city. it had been great to see his parents and his little brother and even his friends again since it had been two years since he had been home. well, the first night they were home, his mom had cooked a nice meal even before she knew the two were arriving (it was a surprise for them, after all) and afterwards, they went out onto the irving's second story patio. sitting out their, dylan, jason's eight year old little brother pulled out clue junior and after playing a few games of that, jason curled up with his girlfriend on the loveseat outside, his heart feeling like it was going to jump out of his chest.

finally, he pulled the engagement ring from his pocket; he remembers how nervous he was since they hadn't been back together for very long and he didn't really want to rush things, but he still wanted her to finally have her ring. he hid it underneath of the blanket they had over top of them and kept his lips close to her ear so she was the only one hearing what he had to say; he didn't want her to feel pressured one way or another if he asked her in front of his parents.

he murmured to her quietly, knowing he wasn't making much sense, telling her he knew he had been stupid and that he knew they hadn't been back together very long and she didn't have to answer him right then if she didn't want to...and then he popped the question, timing it so she'd see the ring when he did.

he remembers how thrilled he was when she threw her arms around her neck and kissed him, his family forgotten by both of them for a moment. he remembers saying something about how he knew it wasn't incredibly romantic, but he didn't want her to feel pressured and how it had taken her a moment to figure out just what hand the ring was suppose to go on. looking back, though, he knew it was one of the best moments in his life and he assums it'll only be topped by when they finally get married and when they start their family.
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