letters from the sky.

[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----"ainsley!" sarai called from her bench as she watched her sister playing on the playground at the local park. she chuckled as the four year old's head popped up above a row of blue metal bars waiting to hear what sarai had to say. "five more minute babe." she said still smiling as her sister's face disappeared once again. god she loved her little sister. almost so much so that ainsley didn't even seem to be a sister anymore, more or less sarai saw her pretty much like a daughter to her. that little girl was the biggest part of her world and sarai would never forget that. from the moment sarai had come home, after the catastrophe that had been their mother had realized that sarai was indeed out of her contract and had left the kids and her ex-husband alone, sarai had connected with her little sister in no time. there was so much love with these two. sarai practically raised her sister so it was natural for her to feel something other than just a sisterly bond with her. by the time sarai had gotten out of modeling and had started watching over ainsley she was at that maturing age where you felt that instinctual urge to care for someone that needed you. sarai had that in her sister and with her father being gone at least three or more days out of the week, it was just a matter of time before they'd gotten as close as they had. five minutes had passed in no time and sarai packed up her things into her bag and stood from the bench. she leaned back a little to pop out her back. man those wooden benches were uncomfortable.

-----"alrght kiddo it's time to go." ainsley rushed to the slide one last time, sarai joining her at the bottom and catching her on her way down, hoisting her into the air and back down onto her sandal-clan feet. "hand." she said as she held out hers, clasping ainsley's tiny hand as they stepped out of the mulch perimeter of the playground and into the grass. "i wanted to ask you..." sarai started off as the pair hit the pavement and headed toward the exit that lead to their father's home, "ains what do you think about coming to stay with me?" it was a little ridiculous to ask a four year old where she wanted to stay but sarai couldn't help herself. she loved her little sister and if she wanted to stay with her father and be raised by nannies instead of their father then that was up to her. sarai had her own place now. had just bought it with her intern's salary and a help from a loan, but it was her place. her first place. to be honest, she didn't really want to live there alone but she didn't want to force ainsley into anything she didn't want to do either. sarai hadn't had the kind of experience ainsley was having. she'd been raised by her evil bitch of a mother while her father traveled all over performing surgeries and keeping money intact for the family while her mother was off spending it all. her childhood had been relatively miserable. that wasn't the case for ainsley. their father was there more often but she was still being raised by nannies. still, it was a more positive environment than sarai had ever been subjected to.

-----sarai anxiously awaited her sister's response, happily to see her little head shaking up and down and fast as she could manage. "stay with sawai." she said happily, pulling her hand out of her sister's and clapping happily. sarai scooped her up and hugged her for a moment, setting her down once more as they picked up a walk once again. they arrived back at their father's house, err mansion, a few minutes later, both girls walking in and branching from there. ainsley started climbing the stairs, with hands and feet, up toward her room while sarai b-lined it to the kitchen where she could hear voices. she was surprised to find her father home, talking to the television as he cooked something on the stove. "dad." sarai said with little enthusiasm as she walked across the marble floor and sat herself down in a chair at the breakfast bar. she had no idea why they'd even put that thing in. no one had sat there probably in years. "why hello sarai. it's so very good to see you." ha, like he would have said that before. ever since lev had been outed and had been forced to show sarai tony's letter he'd been on sarai's bad side, and doing anything to get off of it. "yeah. sure. i wanted to talk to you. about ainsley." she said, watching lev as he turned off the gas to the stove and plated whatever it was he had been cooking. strike that, reheating. lev inbar didn't cook. he didn't know how to cook. he only reheated whatever was left over in the fridge.

-----lev turned, plate in hand, to face sarai. grabbing a fork from the silverware drawer he dug in, giving sarai the look that said he was listening which only made her role her eyes. "dad you're never here. when you are you're too tired, when you're not you have a crew of nannies looking after her. i don't like it. family should raise family." she paused to see if she'd gotten any response out of lev. aside from a slower chewing rate...she hadn't. jesus she was going to have to be blunt about it wasn't she? "dad i want ainsley to live with me. i'm out of the apartment now, with my own place, and i'll be there. the hospital has a day care so i can take her there during my shifts." still no reaction, so she continued. "i don't like these strangers raising my sister. since you can't be here, i will be." she heaved a sigh and sank a little into her chair but she never broke eye contact with her father, even when he did. "alright." lev surprised her by saying. "i see what you mean and you make a valid point. just a few exceptions. one, if you get overwhelmed this arrangement is void and things go back the way they were. two, i get to stop by and see her at any time, i know you're still pissed but you're not stopping me from seeing either of you. and three, that if she's unhappy with this at any time we revert back. this is for ainsley's good and not for your satisfaction. got it?"

-----sarai knew there would be conditions but this was better than she'd hoped. she could deal with her father if this was the kind of arrangement they would have since she'd only see him once a week. it was better than nothing and sarai was willing to take it for what it was worth. "sounds goo to me. i'll pick her up tomorrow before you leave for...whatever city you're leaving for. make sure she's all packed please." sarai hopped off of the chair and walked out of her father's house with just a little more pep in her step than before. something was actually going her way. was that even possible? sarai glanced over to her right and noticed the ever familiar little home where she'd made a complete fool of herself only a few days ago. alright so not everything was going her way. there was no sense of longing in her gaze as she looked over at the house. she thought that maybe there would be the next time she saw tony, but she hadn't seen him since the moment that he'd kissed her and practically spit on her hopes and dreams. why in god's name would she go looking for him after something like that other than to smack some sense into him. with a shake of her head sarai turned and started heading up the road again when she noticed a familiar face walking in her direction. she recognized the gorgeous teenager as tony's...daughter. that was still a tough one to say. with how close she was there was no way that sarai could avoid her. at this point it would just be rude, so she stood there as anya approached. giving a little wave as she came within earshot. "hey anya."

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status • finished
words • 1727
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • letters from the sky - civil twilight. it's only fitting xD.
notes • sorry it's a day late. i blame faulty internet service.

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[Anastassia Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Anastassia Giovanni
In a good girl new world, teaming with you, filled to the roof,
To make high art, mad love, nightly news,
Skip the reviews, they don't want to be known, don't want it read,
It's just something that's floating in somebody's head

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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
Skating was like breathing for Anya Giovanni, or if you really wanted to be literal, we should be calling her Evelina Kovalsy. Anya was actually short for Anastassia which was the name of her mother, Anastassia Kovalsky. Anya's birth family was Russian on her mother's side, the only side she had ever met. Her father had been a one night stand of her mother's. All she knew about him was that he was Puerto Rican and went by Marcos. And that was enough for her family, hardcore Russians to see her as dirty and Anya, or who they knew as Evelina, as an ugly mix breed. And yes, they called her that. For the few years after her mother died, and before she was rescued by Tony, she had lived with this so-called family. A family that would lock her up, ridicule her, order her around. She kind of felt like a cinderella except it was her real family treating her like dirt, not her step family and no fairy godmother ever came, unless you count Tony but I am pretty sure his masculinity complex would throw a shit fit if you call him a fairy godmother.

When her mother was alive, she had taught Anya to skate. Anya had been skating since she came out of womb it seemed like and while some parents get their little girls into figure skating and then shove them around the country, flaunting them, Anya's mother wasn't like that. Anya always had time for friends and school as well. It worked. After her death and Anya went to live with.... them... figure skating became her only escape. She finally understood what her mother had been telling her for so many years about how ice skating, just gliding smoothly with no interference was the closest feeling to flying that any human was going to get. Anya always had thought too logically about it. Surely swimming was closer because of the weightlessness feeling but no, that just made it closer to feeling of being in space. The feel of flying, moving swiftly threw air, all worldly troubles left on the surface, that feeling belonged to skating. And she hadn't understood that truly, until she needed to feel free while living with her extended family. Skating is like breathing to Anastassia Giovanni, also known as Evelina Kovalsky, because she couldn't live with out it. She would not be able to live without the release that skating brought her. Some people painted, others did sports, some punch walls and some go insane, Anya? Anya skates her troubles away.

Lately, the only thing that was bothering her was being in a new city where the average girl seemed to be shallow with an eating disorder after stepping out of a magazine. But they had a nice rink so she knew she would be fine, plus if she needed to, she could just hang out at the house with Tony. He may technically and lawfully be her adoptive father but the two were very pal-like when hanging out which surprising because she was more artistic and he was more athletic but she had to admit, after living with him over a year with all whooting and whooping when his team gets a touchdown and going to watch him play baseball with the guys, sports mania is catching and now she's started getting into it as well. It was a group thing. When she skated, it made her feel wholly herself and it made her feel peaceful and just happy with where she was in the world. But hanging with the guys, the guys being a group of FBI agents, cops and/or fireman, while watching the hockey game, yelling and cheering at a television screen made her feel like part of the team, part of a friendship, or maybe it was that it made it feel like family, a family she never had until Tony. She had had her mother but they were very isolated because her mother's family surrounded them still. Tony and his pals were these open, vibrant, crazy ass people, good people. Ones that put their life on the line everyday in order to try a help others. Seriously, there was no one in the world Anya had come to respect more in the past year and a half than the agents, policemen, and firemen of this world. Did she honestly believe every cop was a good guy? of course not, she wasn't an idiot, there was corruption, always have been but for the most part, the people joining the force, just wanted to help.

And that was something Anya could get behind. Over the past year, whether it be good or bad, Anya had become rather judgmental of lawbreakers. She understood people could pushed to it but that didn't mean they should. She respected those pushed who then willingly confessed and were willing to accept the punishment, depending on the crime they committed at least. But all in all, Anya was very judgmental towards those who commit a crime, probably what happens when you live with an FBI agent for a year and a half. All she knew was that it was criminals, mobsters from her family who ended up tying her up and trying to sell her as a toy while it was Tony and the FBI who saved her from them. It was the force which provided her with family and friends that her family of criminals would never give her. Can you really blame her all that much for having such a grudge? In all respects it was understandable. Could she be a bit too judgmental? Most likely. It was strange, she was a liberal in so many aspects but when it comes to crime she's so gun-ho, it's like Reagan took over her body. She is very conservative with crime and punishment and then liberal on everything else. Most of the time she found the court system too soft. Child molesters should not be able to get out of prison in four years with good behavior, that's just wrong. And everyone knows it.

Anya yawned slightly as she walked her way home, coffee in hand from Mellows. She was just sort of lost in her thoughts as she turned the corner to her street. As she was making her way towards the Giovanni home she looked up to see a semi-familiar face. It was the woman Tony knew, girl from his past apparently. Sarai, that was her name. Now Anya usually didn't like most of Tony's girls, but Sarai seemed nice not that she and Tony were together or anything but still, compared to his usual taste, Sarai definitely seemed a step above the cut. "hey anya." Anya smiled at the girl as they came up to one another on the street. "Hi Sarai." She said warmly, trying to be friendly. She gestured up at the house, assuming Sarai was around to see Tony, probably about the kiss which yes, he told Anya about. He regretted it because he knew he hurt the girl, ugh Tony and his trust issues, maybe that's why most of the girls he dated were bitches. "Tony's not actually around, he's at work still."

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'high art, local news' by the new pornographers
WORD COUNT;; 1231
CLOTHES;; Anya and Tony
NOTES;; late, sorry, my mind just collapsed into my skull
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[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai could understand anya's passion for figure skating. after all it was a beautiful, graceful sport. but sarai understood more so than just because the sport was glamorous. skating was to anya what being a doctor was to sarai. it was her own personal getaway. her safety zone. it was a place where she was the most comfortable and truly felt like herself. sarai could definitely relate to that. the hospital was where sarai shown the brightest. it was where her intelligence wasn't something that was frowned upon. it was a place where she could correct someone and it wasn't a bad thing to do so to someone else's wrong answer because she was saving a patient's life. a place where she could talk openly with the people she was taking care of as opposed to outside those sliding glass doors where that confidence and that shine fell away and left behind this lonely, self conscious shell of a person. the hospital was sarai's safe haven. her saving grace. it was where she could let her guard down and truly be herself. one wouldn't expect that having a safe place all to yourself would be all that difficult to find. just a little place that could make a person comfortable and help them relax and such. for sarai that was pretty much impossible. if it had been up to her she would have found a place that was completely secluded. some place that was dead quiet, just like she was a majority of the time. the hospital wasn't her comfort zone because it was quiet, quite the opposite in fact. it was her comfort zone for many reasons she just couldn't name. it was everything sarai shouldn't like. loud, boisterous, full of people and bodies to bump into. it was so out of her comfort zone that it had become it. strange as that may sound.

-----now standing out here in front of tony's house. this was absolutely out of her comfort zone now. true that she hadn't really given the house a chance, but could you blame her? after what had happened only a short while ago? what had happened when sarai had given an innocent hug, happy to be nothing other than friends with tony and push her true feelings aside and then to have him kiss her? what tony didn't realize was that in that one tiny kiss he'd brought to the forefront every one of sarai's feelings that she'd been pushing to the back of her mind since they'd been teenagers about six years ago. sarai had dreamed of nothing more than her friendship with tony and the famous "what could have been" since the day that she'd realized tony was gone and wasn't coming back. despite that knowledge she'd still let herself feel things for him that were impossible to feel. she still let herself fall in love with him. not to say she couldn't have stopped it. sarai had no control over her emotions. she couldn't control how she'd loved him then. she couldn't control that she still loved him now. and she definitely couldn't control the total and complete heartbreak she'd suffered at his hands here on this sidewalk only a few days ago. sarai still admired him and no matter what she could no deny how she continued to feel about him. least in her head she couldn't but out loud where the whole world could hear, that man was as good as dead to her. he'd built her up in one glorious moment just to tear her down. even if it hadn't been intentionally, sarai's mind led her to feel as though it had been. that was the uncanny little trick that sarai's mind had over her. her mind could twist any word, any reaction even, and make it as though a person was intentionally trying to hurt her. because deep down in sarai's mind, she knew she deserved nothing less.

-----she smiled a small smile as anya approached. after all anya probably knew. assuming this, sarai was extremely awkward about this impromtpu meeting. more awkward that she was just on a daily basis. because when you thought of sarai montgomery, the first descriptive word that every came to mind was indeed awkward. "it's nice to see you again anya." she said kindly, her gaze straying from the gorgeous young woman back the the house and the scene that had been haunting her for days. "oh. um. no. i'm not here to see tony. i was wallking my little sister back home and was on my way back. i-i didn't intend to stop. her gaze shot to the ground, staring at her shoes once again. it was a normal habit for sarai to look at her shoes. it was a habit she'd adopted after one too many verbal lashings from her mother. she rarely looked anyone in the eyes after that. on the rare occasions when she did look into someone else's eyes...well let's just say it never lasted all that long. "actually you should probably know i guess. i won't be stopping by anymore. after what happened..." she trailed off, snubbing the toe of her shoe on the concrete. "i'm sure he's told you...but after what happened...i don't think our little agreement of friendship is going to be able to happen. i just...can't." sarai looked up at anya for a moment before she realized she was rambling and really should leave. there was no reason to bother tony's...ahem...daughter in all of this right?

-----suddenly the awkward meter seemed to be going off the charts, at least as far as sarai was concerned. she knew she shouldn't be here and she knew that she probably shouldn't be telling tony's daughter that she couldn't be friends with her adoptive father anymore. that was just strange and cowardly. oh god this was all screwed up. "i'm sorry. i really shouldn't have told you that. i'll, um, i'll leave. i didn't intend to stop anyways and i'm sure you've got plenty you need to do. so...um, i'll see you around?" sarai didn't really know how to put it. all she knew was that this was probably the last place she was welcomed.

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status • finished
words • 1307
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • shattered - o.a.r.
notes • it's crap and i apologize. family troubles have my mind fried.

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[Anastassia Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Anastassia Giovanni
In a good girl new world, teaming with you, filled to the roof,
To make high art, mad love, nightly news,
Skip the reviews, they don't want to be known, don't want it read,
It's just something that's floating in somebody's head

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You see, Anya honestly didn't know ALL too much about her new 'father.' Antonino Cason Giovanni was just a private person. Anya was as well, I mean she was a little more open but most of the time, when things got a little too intense for her, she would pull out her cynicism and the walls went up. Same with Tony. They both knew what the other had been through. They both knew how certain things felt so they really didn't need to talk to each other about things. Don't get me wrong, the two were very close. But seeing as they got all their emotional talking or bonding or whatever, out of the way after he had save her life and they were locked in the safe house together and when he asked her if she would like him to adopt her, despite such a small age difference, in order to keep her protected and out of foster care, that's when they dealt with the emotional part of their relationship usually. Anya and Tony's relationship worked on a couple factors. The ability to compartmentalize. That was a big important one. The shared strict judgment against certain law breakers and how they should be penalized. And of course, how much they joke around with each other. Mess with each other just to annoy the other. More people would call what Tony and Anya have as brotherly and sisterly. But they probably didn't see Tony ever show one of Anya's dates his gun collection.

Back to the point, because of this lack of personal feelings being exchanged in the Federal agent's home, was it likely that after he had run into the woman... oh god, the woman of his life it felt like, was it likely he had sat Anya down and explained to her the thousands of time he had taken a hit from his oldest brother and run to her? Had he explained to Anya that Sarai had been the only one he ever really felt like seeing back then? How back then, he wasn't the guy with friends? Oh yeah, that's something else. Tony, when he was in his early to mid teenage years, was a bit of a loner because of everything going on in his life. Sarai was really the only one. But now? The entire force was his friend. Sunday, for football, he'd have six to fifteen guys over watching the game. He had dated multiple women, he had a life in new york. Yeah it only consisted of people he worked with, even the women. He seemed to have a thing for criminal defense lawyers. At least for one night at a time, if you get what I mean. Yuck right? Only girl he ever got serious with was actually kind of nice. Anya didn't like her very much though. She had been a crime scene photographer but whatever. Anya didn't like her because she was convinced Tony taking her in was a horrible idea. She was also manipulative but Tony couldn't see that. Seriously, man could seriously get his head stuck way up his ass.

So yeah again, I digress. When Tony kissed Sarai and then apologized for it, he hadn't rushed inside to tell Anya about it. He hadn't come to find her at the rink and gone, "hey! I fucked up..." or anything of the sort. When Anya had arrived home at the end of her work out, she had come into see Tony changing his bandage on his arm. She asked what was up and he just shrugged and said everything was good. Anya hadn't believed him but that was because, everything was never good. In fact, it was hardly ever decent. Anya didn't tell him this but she heard him, those days where a case on the job had just drained him and not ended well, the days were life has literally just beaten the crap out of you? She heard him come in and cry at moments. And Tony never cries. And he wouldn't have let himself if he knew she could hear. He was all about being the strong man type you know? But Anya wasn't going to push him, just like he didn't push her to talk about her mother's murder or what she was being traded for. It was sort of like a silent agreement on their parts.

Anya looked at the gorgeous woman of Tony's past with a smile as she told her it was nice to see her again. "You too." She replied politely. "oh. um. no. i'm not here to see tony. i was wallking my little sister back home and was on my way back. i-i didn't intend to stop." Anya couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the nervousness that seemed to be creeping into Sarai's demeanor. Geez, what had happened? "actually you should probably know i guess. i won't be stopping by anymore. after what happened... i'm sure he's told you...but after what happened...i don't think our little agreement of friendship is going to be able to happen. i just...can't." Okay now, Anya was lost. Really? What was going on? Why did they need a friendship agreement. Anya gave an awkward chuckle, "Heh yeah umm... no. Not really. Man's a stone wall type of feelings sharer." Anya replied with a nod and small smile. "I have no clue what you're talking about.... seriously, I-..." She paused, still nodding, not sure what to say. "Tony fucked up right? Always does."

"I'm sorry. i really shouldn't have told you that. i'll, um, i'll leave. i didn't intend to stop anyways and i'm sure you've got plenty you need to do. so...um, i'll see you around?" Anya furrowed her brow and shook her head, "No no, nonsense. Tony's not here, he probably owes you a drink at least." Anya began gesturing the pretty Israeli towards the carpenters styled home. Through some pretty powerful powers of persuasion, the young girl did eventually get the slightly older one to agree to come inside. Entering the house, Anya placed her bag on the table in the hall. The house's interior was true to form, lots of wood. It wasn't a highly floral decorated house or anything like that but it was warm and friendly. More of a guys den. You could definitely tell football was watched in the living room frequently. Anya smiled over to Sarai and was about to ask her if she'd like anything to drink when a buzz came from her pocket as an old friend from New York called, "Sorry, I'll be right back, I do have to take this though, sorry. Soda's are in the fridge right through there and if you have to pee, it's upstairs to the left. I'll be right back, sorry." Anya said, apologizing again, not wanting to be rude as she made her way out to the back yard, leaving Sarai alone in the large-ish home.

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'high art, local news' by the new pornographers
WORD COUNT;; 1217
CLOTHES;; Anya and Tony
NOTES;; done! yay
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai didn't know about tony's exploits growing up after the two of them had so abruptly parted ways. she didn't know about the various women or surrounding himself with guys from the fbi. she just didn't. because sarai and tony were not as close as they once was. that particular fact damn near made sarai want to cry every time she thought about it, but she would hold herself back. it was ridiculous to cry over a lost friendship six someodd years ago right? it was stupid to miss the greatest thing that had ever happened in her life yes? it was crazy to compare what they had back then to the pitiful excuse of a friendship they had now, wasn't it? to sarai it was pretty damn crazy to be living in the past that way that she did. she shouldn't. that was the bottom line. she had to get over whatever in the hell all of this used to be and just move on with her life. and she was in the process of doing that. sarai began hanging out with people from work, at least she was trying. she was officially dating someone, which she hadn't done...ever. looking back on those hollow, empty six years sarai was pretty much ashamed of the way that she'd lived. she'd called it being antisocial or not having anyone else to relate to or even having trust issues, but none of that was true. she'd spent those whole six years waiting, her nose buried in book after book, but waiting for tony to come back. she didn't do this consciously. when she pushed someone new away it wasn't because she didn't like them. it was for fear that if she moved on, or made any attempt to, that tony would come back and she'd be tossed into this enigma once again. she wanted him to come back for all of those years and it had taken him actually coming back into her life to really set her free of this curse of her unconscious.

-----sarai hadn't dated. not even come close. sure she'd wanted it, even said it out loud to herself, but her mind never would let her get so far. she'd talked to a few guys but after a while they just found her cold and unresponsive. little did they know just how hard sarai was trying to talk to them, trying to move on. it had been an impossible task for her. eventually she'd given up. her mother had whisked her off to every possible beach imaginable and slapped her into bikini after bikini and sarai had just given up hope that she could possibly find someone with a life like this. she'd talked herself out of it so completely that people didn't socialize with her. no one spoke to her partly because that was the order from lucille, making sarai out to be an intolerable model, but also because the girl jsut wasn't sociable. she tried to smile on occasion, but why smile when you had no reason to? she tried to make other people happy and look how that had turned out for her. so no. sarai had stopped trying to please people after a while and had just done what they were told. that is until the day of her eighteenth birthday when sarai stood up to her mother and got out of the modeling business. one might think that after a feat like that, after standing up to her equivalent of satan, that sarai would have a little bit more confidence, that maybe she would stand a little taller and smile once every blue moon, but she didn't. she only smiled for ainsley and that was after about a year of being back home. she was like a blank slate. a blank slate with a million burdens to bare.

-----sarai wanted to hope that it could all be behind her some day. that she could forgive and forget and just move on with her life. it was yet to be behind her, but sarai was just a modicum closer to that goal of moving on. before sarai knew it, anya was coercing her to go inside the house. she tried to tell her that she didn't drink but then figured, well the girl probably meant a soda right? she'd never been inside the house but she'd had enough bad memories from the outside to never want to venture in. this wasn't what she wanted. she hadn't even wanted to stop in front of the house. if there was any way to get to her father's house other than to go down this road...well damnit sarai would have gone that way instead. she hadn't thought that she would stop. she hadn't wanted to stop. she certainly hadn't wanted to go inside nor did she want to be left alone when anya rushed off to answer some important phone call. sarai watched the girl dash outside to the backyard in horror as she left her behind to stand awkwardly in the living room. "shit." sarai whispered under her breath. she hardly cussed, in fact she made a point not to, but sarai was thrown into the one situation of many that she wasn't sure she could handle. she certainly couldn't handle this alone. it had been hard enough to look at the house after what had transpired on that sidewalk not but a few days ago. that was where tony had kissed her, built up her dreams, then regretted it so completely that sarai felt lower than she ever had before. now it wasn't hard to make sarai feel bad, because it pretty much happened daily, but to make her feel so low that she hated herself and felt the need to move out of the country? that was beyond what she'd ever felt before. tony had actually accomplished what lucille never could. and the worst part was, sarai wasn't even sure if he knew how badly he'd hurt her.

-----suddenly it was as if reality came back into focus. she could slowly start hearing herself once again, and she was slowly becoming aware of herself. she was hyperventilating. damn it she needed to pull herself together. where did anya say the bathroom was? upstairs? on the left or on the right? sarai turned and hurried up the stairs, checking room after room for the bathroom, leaving doors open in her hurried rush to find it. finally she stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind her. she clutched the counter top, looking at herself in the mirror as she calmed herself down. it took her a solid five or more minutes before she stopped shaking and her breathing resembled something normal. it was then that she built up enough courage to leave the bathroom. she'd practiced the words in her head. thank you so much for your hospitality anya but i really must be going. yes that's what she would say. she would be polite, but insist as much as she had to before she was out that front door and headed home. with nervous hands sarai opened the bathroom, turned off the lights and exited, heading back down the hall in a more determined matter. something caught her eye as she passed one of the rooms, a picture of a very familiar, and haunting face. she couldn't help herself and before sarai knew it she had wandered into a room that she could only assume belonged to tony. her head screamed at her in two different ways. one part of her told her that she shouldn't be here, that she should just leave and never look back. the other was determined to see what parts of his life that she had missed out on and unfortunately this part was stronger.

-----sarai nervously scooped up the picture, her thumb gently grazing tony's face for a moment before she shook herself back into reality and set the picture down. this wasn't where she belonged. she wasn't supposed to be here. once again something caught her eye. the blue foam of that unmistakable finger sticking out from tony's closet. she had to see it. she had to see if it was the same on. tip toeing across the room, sarai silently opened up the closet door, gingerly tugging at the foam finger. she remembered the day at that baseball game like it was yesterday. tony had been talking for so long about getting out to see one of the baseball games. he hadn't shut up about it in fact. so for his birthday sarai had scrounged up all of her savings and bought them two tickets. they'd gone to the game, bought some food and tony a foam finger and had gone to sit down. not even five minutes into the game had a foul ball come sailing in their direction. tony and the guy sitting next to him had reached for it, sarai, mindless of the game had been admiring the foam finger, they'd lunged and tony's soda went flying. tony's neighbor caught the ball and sarai's lap and the foam finger had caught majority of the soda. she had to know if that was the same foam finger. she tugged but something was holding it back, tugged again, her hand reaching above the finger to brace whatever it was holding it down. the next thing she knew the foam finger flew at her, along with whatever was holding it down. sarai flew back, foam finger in her hand, as a box of something fell into her lap and toppled to the floor, spilling it's contents.

-----sarai was so surprised by what she saw that she hadn't even looked to see if it was the same foam finger from her memories. all she could see was a sea of white envelopes, her name jotted down on every one. now sarai really shook. what was all of this? setting the foam finger aside, sarai gathered up all of the letters and pushed the box aside. she leafed through them. some just had her name scribbled on them while others were postmarked to her old home address, all of those had "return to sender" written on them in a script sarai could easily recognize. her grip tightened on the letters and her jaw locked. her father had done it again. a date caught her eye on one of the postmarked letters, her birthday. her eighteenth birthday to be precise. sarai couldn't stop herself as she slid her finger under the lip of the envelope and tugged it open. hand shaking more than before she tried to read the letter, taking a deep breath and finally setting her hands on her lap as she read the penciled handwriting. it was a letter from tony to sarai. he had remembered her birthday. tears welled up in her eyes as she set the letter down and began opening others. by the time she'd read through three letters, tears were fervently streaming down her face. only the sound of a door opening and closing had shocked sarai into reality. she quickly gathered the letters into a bunch and carefully stuffed them back into the back that held them. then she quickly rose, put the foam finger back and tried to set the box of letters back on top of it. something kept getting in her way and making the box tip back in her direction so sarai gave up after three attempts and clutched the box in her hands. NOW WHAT?! she hurried to the door, maybe she could get out unnoticed? but was forced to turn back the moment she'd stuck her head out the door as she saw tony coming up the stairs, his eyes showing exhaustion, focusing on the floor as he meandered up the stairs.

-----sHIT! now sarai wanted to scream it. she couldn't just dash out of his room! she couldn't dive out the window either. so sarai hid in the only place she could think of, the closet. she sat herself down on the floor, the box of letters in her lap, and had just pulled the door closed when tony opened his door. through the slight opening, sarai could see him loosening the tie from around his neck and pulling his arms from his suit jacket. oh no. slowly but surely sarai was becoming more and more trapped in this closet. and it didn't look as though she was getting out unnoticed.

--------------------------------------------------------

status • finished
words • 2360!!!! holy crap!!!!
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • -- - --
notes • omgomgomg!! this is such win!

[/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Antonino Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Antonino Giovanni
Carry me to heaven’s arms, Light the way and let me go
Dear Agony, Just let go of me, Suffer slowly
Is this the way it’s got to be?

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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
Work was work. There were the parts of the job he loved, the parts of the job he hated and the parts of the job that just exhausted him to no end. But it would be a lie to say he wasn't glad to be back after being off a week because of being shot in the arm. Back as in back to the field. He was dying behind a desk alone. "It was good to have to have ya back Rook," said Jim, an older man about 40 who was the head of the the team Tony was on. Jim had taken it upon himself to nickname Tony 'Rook' since he was the rookie of the team. It was strange being referred to as a rookie again. Especially since he had helped imprison a load of bad asses in New York the day he saved Anya. Jim had been with him when he was shot during a drug bust. Tony had been shot in the arm but still managed a perfect shot to the dealer's ankle after the dealer had opened fire. Tony may be the rookie, but he had always had an amazing shot. Always. As a kid, before things turned sour when his family learnt of his federal ambitions he acquired at thirteen, he had been sort of the golden boy. Everyone in his family had adored him as a little kid. Tony wasn't sure whether the memories were good ones or not. He had enjoyed his childhood, but he shouldn't have. The people who raised him were killers. They only liked him because at eight he was a better shot with a pistol than some of their trained adults. Kid was a natural with a gun. But he enjoyed the time before he became family enemy number one. And he felt guilty for it.

Tony smiled as he passed Jim, pulling he bag higher up on his shoulder. "Yeah yeah, you're only happy because I can take the bullet for you again." Jim laughed, "that too! See ya Kid." Tony smiled as he made his way down the halls of the Bureau and turned past the cubicles before hitting the down button for the elevator. As he waited, all he could think about was the day he was shot in the arm. Not because of the pain, not because of the circumstances in which the bullet was fired, but because of what had followed. God, he couldn't get Sarai out of his head. She was like a fucking drug he was trying to quit and the strange thing was that he had. He had quit her. After he left, after he ran away, he had gotten over her. Or at least he thought he had. He had dated. He had moved on with his life. He had been with multiple other women, only one seriously but still. He had been. His day hadn't been consumed with her. But ever since she walked into that room in the ER with a clipboard and pen in her hand that dropped to the floor in the shock of the moment, seeing eachother again. She was all he thought about. At least when he wasn't working. He was pretty good at keeping it in check for the job but that night changed Valkyrie for him. Sarai was here. She was... she was amazing as she had ever been. He was really happy she was pursuing her dreams in the medical field. He respected that immensely. He remembered the smell of her hair when she was extracting the bullet from his arm. And yeah that sentence may sound weird but seeing as he had been in the ER so many times in his life as a patient and she had been working in the ER on patients, it wasn't quite as strange. It was just her being physically close to him once again.

Tony looked up, almost startled by the ding of the elevator as it opened up to him. He took a deep breath and stepped inside before making his way down to the parking garage where he got into his car and began the trip down to Valkyrie. He knew a fast route. He would be there in an hour and a half tops. Yay for commuting huh? Whatever, the job was the job. Plus he never minded long car rides. Kind of enjoyed them actually. Valuable alone time. He spent the trip focusing on the road, thinking about a new case which paper work was filling his briefcase as he zoomed towards Valkyrie. It would be nice to get home and out of his suit. And before he knew it he was pulling into the drive way of his carpenter's styled home. He pulled up and grabbed his briefcase before he stepped out of the truck and shut the door, beeping the car locks shut as he jogged up the front steps and made his way inside. He dropped his keys onto the table in the hall and set down his briefcase before heading straight upstairs and straight into his room.

Upon entering he loosened the tie around his neck as he shut the door and tossed the suit jacket ontop of his bed. He took a deep breath as he pulled the tie off and began unbuttoning his shirt after he too off his gun and holster. He pulled the shirt off and tossed it next to the jacket, glancing into the mirror to look at the freshest of multiple scars on his body. He touched it slightly on his upper arm thinking once again of the hospital and seeing Sarai. And then he heard movement. family was what immediately came to mind, and remember to him family meant danger. He quickly and quietly stepped over to the bed and grabbed his gun, hearing something from the closet. The door was about half shut as he pointed his gun down and made the way over. He pushed the door open and immediately was rushed with relief and confusion as he saw Sarai. "Sarai?!" He asked, obviously lost. He lowered his gun even more, not that he had actually pointed it to her. What the hell was going on? "What are you doing here? How'd you ge-" His questions stopped as he saw the letters scattered among themselves on the floor. He froze slightly, paler. He had written her those letters. He had tried to send them to her, but they got returned. After awhile he stopped trying. But he kept writing. They had made him feel closer to her somehow.

He stared down at them for a few moments before glancing up at her and then down at the gun pointed towards his bedroom floor. And then remembered... his shirt. He walked back over to the bed and tossed the gun down, pulling his shirt back over his arms, "What are you doing here Sarai?" He asked. He had been an ass to her recently, not purposefully but he had been. He knew that. He never should have kissed her but that didn't mean he was overtly happy about her going through his things. His private things. He couldn't help but wonder how far she had read. Or how much.... some of the letters, after so many had been returned. Some weren't meant for her to read. But that was a lie. It was just, they said some of the things he was always too scared to say to her face.

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'dear agony' breaking benjamin
WORD COUNT;; 1268
CLOTHES;; Tony
NOTES;; YAy!! love them
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai couldn't breathe. she really had no idea what in the hell to do. she was at a loss. there was no where to hide, no good places at least. no where to run without being seen. she wasn't supposed to be here. that was all that ran through her head. you, hey you, yeah you, you shouldn't be here. over and over again. she'd probably thought it over a thousand times before tony had even made it down the hall and into his own bedroom. the one that was currently her ramshackle hide-y hole. if she wasn't claustrophobic already than damnit she was halfway there by now. she didn't know why she'd left the closet door open a crack. was she just begging to be found? she must have been. god sarai couldn't stop her mind from reeling. there was so much going through her head, and nothing that she had the strength to put a mental stopper to. sarai wanted nothing more than to go back in time this very second. she wanted to have walked ainsley home and gone right back to her own. no stopping. no chatting up tony's adoptive daughter who just a few days ago sarai had assumed was someone tony was bedding. ew. sarai had to force herself still as she shuddered. how could she have thought that? anya was gorgeous, of course, and sarai really didn't have tony pegged anymore so maybe she had been right to assume. it wasn't as if they'd embraced or anything. they'd simply left the same house at the same time. oh who was she kidding. sarai had figured it was true from the moment she'd saw them and tripped on the sidewalk, careening to the cement below. every fiber of her being had told sarai that tony had moved on. why wouldn't he? just because she never had didn't mean the same for tony. just because she held him in such high regard that she hadn't dated for six years didn't mean that he had thought of her the same. sarai was a freak. she already knew that much. why she'd ever thought that tony would be like her, or even ever want her, was just stupid and idiotic and out of the question.

-----but she had. oh god had she wanted tony to have wanted her. she wanted him to feel the same ache in his chest that she felt every time she laid eyes on him again. she wanted him to have wanted her but it wasn't possible. she'd known that since he kissed her and apologized for it. no, he hadn't just apologized. sarai could understand an apology because tony had just swooped in a kissed her. she could understand a person's need to apologize for such rash actions and felt the need to assure the other person that it wasn't in their usual nature to just maim someone. oh to be maimed by him again. that kiss had been everything she'd dreamed it would be for six some-odd years. it had been exactly as she'd pictured it, up until the moment sarai had seen the regret on his face. it had shone like a bright beacon in the dead of night. he hadn't wanted to kiss her, he'd never wanted her, and she'd been an idiot for six years thinking that maybe, just maybe, he had wanted it too. the regret on his face had said it all. they were just friends. all those years ago when sarai had harbored the strongest feelings she'd ever felt for someone else, tony had thought of her only as a friend. sarai must have imagined the spark between them. she must have dreamt it up and turned everything around to make herself assume that he'd felt the same. there hadn't been any yearning in his eyes before he'd run away. there hadn't been any spark of desire between the two of them. and sarai had been saving herself for all of the wrong reasons. because how could a reason be right when all she had done was imagine it?

-----but she had seen that foam finger. damnit she had seen that foam finger and she'd thought that maybe she hadn't been just a blip in tony's life the way she'd said she'd been for the past few days. since that kiss sarai had told herself that she'd dreamed up everything she'd ever thought was between them. she wanted something so badly that she'd conjured it up. how much of a fool had she been? she knew why she hadn't dated and had secluded herself. in the back of her mind, something that hadn't even registered to her out loud, sarai had been saving herself for him. she had been saving herself in the hopes that tony would want her someday. honestly what kind of crazy person did that? what kind of deranged person skipped out on life and possible happiness for one guy who had never in actuality told her that she was anything other than a friend? sarai was slowly coming to the conclusion that she was certifiable. lock her up now and throw away the key because she was freaking insane. maybe she should just admit herself. hell admitting to herself all of these things probably would have saved her all of this turmoil to begin with. she had considered it up until the moment she'd laid eyes on that coke-stained foam finger. sarai hadn't believed that tony would keep it after all of this time but she kept herself from thinking it was anything remotely important. so he'd kept a foam finger. it didn't mean anything other than the fact that he'd had fun and had a souvenir from the place. nothing else was to come of that...right? if it hadn't been for the letters that toppled onto her head and onto the floor, sarai would have told herself that the foam finger meant nothing.

-----then why had tony written her? why had he specifically remembered her birthday and many other important dates in these letters? she hadn't read any more than three...but he'd tried to keep contact with her. that story about him having thought that she hadn't wanted to speak to him again...had only been partly true. he hadn't waited for a phone call. he had still taken the time to write to her for what appeared to be years. she felt the tears welling up in her eyes and forced a hand over her mouth to keep quiet just as she caught sight of tony walking in from the crack in the closet door. the tears stopped in that instant as she briefly saw him loosen and take off his tie. oh. heavenly. god. he wasn't about to do what sarai thought he was doing...was he? the ruffled sound of fabric told her that indeed he was. he was taking off his clothes and she was in. his. closet. her mind was so preoccupied with what she was now coming to the conclusion of that she hadn't stopped herself when she sniffled. then all the sounds stopped and sarai froze. oh no. oh please no. please say that tony had left the room and hadn't heard her, something she knew to be completely false because she would have seen him walk out of the room. just then the closet door flew open and sarai came face to face with tony, half naked, and pointing a gun at her. she screamed. what rational person wouldn't scream when they stared down the barrel of a gun? sarai was just glad that she hadn't surprised him so much that he'd pulled the trigger. "DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!" she screamed accusingly, her feet pushing her body further back into the closet and away from that horrid gun.

-----sarai saw tony's face pale as his gaze fell to the letters and she scrambled to her knees, grabbing the letters and swiftly putting them back inside the box. she looked up to find tony was gone, back to the bed and pulling a shirt back on. oh thank heavens. she wasn't sure how she was supposed to even find her tongue if she had to stare at his...gorgeous bare chest. damnit! she stood, her knees shaking as she straightened. "i'm sorry. really i am. i hadn't meant to even stop. anya saw me walking back from my father's house and she..well she dragged me inside and left me in the living room to take a call. i just went to the bathroom i swear. i was about to leave and then i saw the foam finger. i-i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to...oh god." she scrambled for words, fighting back the nervous nausea that she felt. she still clutched the box of letters with out realizing it. "i saw the foam finger and i just acted without thinking. i just wanted to see if it was the same one from the ball game that we went to for your birthday. i tried to look at it and a box..." she looked down at her hands and saw the box, still spilling over with letters and she blushed a vivid red, "uh, this box, it just fell on me. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. here." she said extending her hands. she didn't know what else to do. she was fighting tears and she didn't even know why anymore. was it because of what he'd written? was it because she'd been caught in this unforgivable act and was so completely ashamed at herself that she couldn't even look tony in the eyes? sarai didn't even know the reason anymore.

--------------------------------------------------------

status • finished
words • 1924
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • -- - --
notes • her mind is reeling right now, haha. sorry if it's a little hard to follow, the narration is resemblance to how she's feeling xD

[/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Antonino Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Antonino Giovanni
Carry me to heaven’s arms, Light the way and let me go
Dear Agony, Just let go of me, Suffer slowly
Is this the way it’s got to be?

[/i][/size][/b][/font]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]
While Anya ignorantly chatted on the phone in the backyard of the carpenter styled home, she had no clue the trouble brewing upstairs and above her head. Because through the kitchen and into the hall, up the stairs and through to Tony's bedroom stood Tony, Sarai and what might as well have been pandora's box. Those letters... they were his. Other than the first few he had written, none of them had meant to be read by Sarai. He had tried to write her but they all returned unopened so he stopped sending them and began writing them with no reserve. They would talk about everything, how much he missed her. How much he regretted not going for it. How much he wished she was in New York with him, how he wished they could have just run away together but how he would never have let such a thing happen because he just wanted her safe and happy. Despite what his recent actions imply or how he had hurt her, Tony did want what was best for her. The problem was, he thought he was the one who got to decide what was or wasn't. He thought it was best for her to not be a part of his life, not intimately at least. He thought it was best for her for him to ignore his more romantically inclined emotions for her. He thought it was best that their closeness in the past to be forgotten. So he kept his mouth shut and he wrote the real feelings into the letters while letting her think something else. It wasn't the right choice on his end but it was well intentioned.

What Tony should have realized was that Sarai was a big girl and she could take care of herself. Because now, all he was doing was hurting her. It would be hard for them to be together, but so far, it was proving harder to keep them apart. He knew how she felt about him. He might not know the complete extent due to him not knowing much about what happened after he left with her. But he knew how she had felt beforehand, and he knew how she had kissed him back just so many days ago. God that kiss!! how stupid could he be? How could he do such a thing? Yeah, his feelings took over control for a moment but the thing was he couldn't handle that he had kissed her. Not when things were like this. Yeah it was better now than it had been way back in high school but not by all that much. Things would always be bad. He had become an FBI agent. How many women actually date FBI agents? A crapload. How many get their hearts broken or killed or kidnapped? All of them. Why do you think there's so many? The agent can't keep one during the trial stages of dating. Jim, the older guy on his team had been married for over 20 years now. But he got married to her BEFORE he became an agent. They had already gone through the while dating scene. That was where the danger was. He could date or hook up with girls but the one girl he had gotten serious with in New York, got in the way of his job. And Sarai? He couldn't risk anything.

Apparently though, he could risk something because here he was with a gun in his hand as she yelled at him. "DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!" She shrieked at him, obviously a bit scared. Tony rolled his eyes slightly, "I wasn't going to shoot, besides, I'm a FBI agent with a mob boss for my brother, what did you expect while lurking in my closet?" He replied as he turned to her, now with a mostly unbuttoned shirt back on. He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at the girl. So maybe he had been a bit harsh right there but come on... think! He has family members in this city that wanted him dead as well as just regular bad guys who might like to get their hands around his neck for helping to put either themselves or one of their buddies into federal prison. But as he looked at her, he couldn't help but let out a slightly frustrated sigh and feel a bit guilty. He shook his head slightly before looking her in the eyes and apologizing, "I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to scare you or anything." He began before nodding after a small pause, "I'm a good shot, I wouldn't have hurt you." He added. And he was a good shot, a damn good one. If there was one natural talent he had ever had, that was it. He was a fabulous shot. One of the other reasons people called him a hot shot. But mostly it was only because he was a smart ass with ambition.

He had to look away from her as she began to speak, he busied himself with futsing around, folding the clothes on his bed. "i'm sorry. really i am. i hadn't meant to even stop. anya saw me walking back from my father's house and she..well she dragged me inside and left me in the living room to take a call. i just went to the bathroom i swear. i was about to leave and then i saw the foam finger. i-i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to...oh god." Tony listened to her long and nervous story. He nodded slightly, "Yeah, Anya can be like that." he replied softly, keeping in control. Not going to lie, he wasn't exactly happy. He was a fairly private guy. Hearing her apologize so upset, it made him feel guilty. Like he should just hug her, admit he loved her, tell her it was all okay and just be with her. Or like he should drop it, take his letters and have her go, pretend it never happened. But another part of him was actually angry. This was his home. This was his room. These were his letters. Her dad hadn't wanted her to have them and it was probably a good idea and these were his thought. His memories and she didn't need to know. She had no right to them. His space. His sanctuary.

Tony watched her grip the box as she spoke again, "i saw the foam finger and i just acted without thinking. i just wanted to see if it was the same one from the ball game that we went to for your birthday. i tried to look at it and a box..." Tony nodded. "Yeah its the same one." He said slightly blankly. He crossed back across the room, walking behind Sarai into the closet and picking up the foam finger. He grimaced at it slightly before reaching up and putting it back up onto the shelf. "Don't even know why I still have that stupid thing." He exhaled and let his hands drop slightly to his side before reaching up and pulling on the back of his neck as if he had a kink. "It was a good day though... and I didn't have many unless I was with you." He added slightly quieter. He shrugged before coming back into the main bedroom. He looked down at the box as she tried to hand it to him, obviously regretful. Which she should be, his temper cut in. He clenched his jaw slightly as he looked at it. "Naw..." He began, shaking his head, his voice not harsh or cold but you could tell a bit of anger twinged around the edges, "No, you know, they are addressed to you. Sure they're stored away in my closet in my room in my house but you go ahead. Have at em." He replied quickly before walking over to he dresser, distracting himself by taking off his watch.

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'dear agony' breaking benjamin
WORD COUNT;; 1380
CLOTHES;; Tony
NOTES;; lol I love them. he's got such a mix of emotions right now
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai was used to feeling like the odd man out. she was used to feeling secluded and she was used to feeling like an outsider in a sea of in-crowders. she was used to it. she was used to always feeling down about herself, she was used to being looked at funny, hell she was even used to being referred to as the untouchable ice queen at work. all of it she was just used to. all of it were things she could handle. but the one thing that sarai wasn't equipped to handle was the feelings of anger that she got from tony. her every memory of him as a boy had been nothing but good ones. fond, fond memories where all they did was smile and laugh and stay out til the stars shown brighter than the street lamps. she surrounded herself with the good memories, the laughter, and the late nights and for the longest time those memories had been the only thing to help her through. the time and the memories that sarai had with tony were the only pieces of time she could remember without judgment. he'd never criticized her, never tore her down, never looked at her as anything more or less than the person that stood before him. that's just how it had always been. sarai couldn't rely on memories of her family for that. sarai's family had been nothing but drama and hate for as long as she could remember. during the worst years, when sarai was stuck being dragged around from beach to beach with her mother, it was memories of tony that had saved her from herself and her mother's hateful words. her father hadn't spoken to her, her mother was no source of comfort, her sister didn't know she existed, so she turned to her fondest of memories to pull her through. tony had been in every one.

-----it made standing here and seeing all this anger all the more unbearable for sarai to watch. she knew she shouldn't have snuck into tony's room and gone through his things. that hadn't even been what she'd intended to do. it wasn't as if she'd talked anya into letting her in so she could get a peek. she was dragged! she was left alone in a strange house! she was freaking out and needed to find an escape! sarai didn't like making excuses but the way he looked at her, the accusation that she saw in his eyes, made her feel like she had to. this wasn't what she had wanted at all. sarai would have been satisfied to have let the kiss be the end of it. after all how much worse could things get after that? sarai hadn't thought things could get worse yet here she stood watching it happen all over again. god what had happened to them? six years had changed them so completely that they'd gone from building each other up as children to tearing each other down as adults. it was amazing the effect six years had. sarai couldn't help but get a little defensive as tony rolled his eyes at her. what the hell else did he expect when he pointed a deadly weapon in her direction. sure he was used to that kind of thing and he was equipped to handle that, but sarai was not. she curled in on herself slightly, arms hugging tightly around her body as he sighed. his apology didn't sound much like one but sarai hadn't even expected one. she didn't deserve an apology. she was the one that snuck in and surprised him. sarai cocked an eyebrow as she heard him talk about him being a good shot, her gaze locking on his. "doesn't make the fact that you pointed a lethal weapon in my face any easier to take." great, just great sarai. the one time you get up the courage for a snarky remark and it's quite possibly the worst timing ever. congrats.

-----still sarai went into a long rambling mess about how she was sorry. she really was. none of this had been her intention and she was ashamed of it. this wasn't like her at all to snoop around someone's house, looking at their property. if it hadn't been for the postmark on that letter then sarai would have stuffed the letters back into the box and been on her way, regardless of the fact that they had her name written all over them. "she's very sweet..." sarai whispered, her words trailing off into nothing. she just stood there as silence swept over the room, making her fidget all the more. just when she thought things couldn't get any more uncomfortable. oh but she was wrong, boy did she have a way of being wrong. she watched tony as he crossed the room, passing her by and slipping into the closet. she turned as he picked it up, watching him set it back on the shelf. the following words, god they ate her up inside so much that sarai had to clutch the box tighter for fear of dropping it. stupid...was it stupid? was that really what he thought of the memories that had kept her sane for so damn long? in that moment sarai realized that they really were on two completely different pages. she treasured those days with him while they had just been something stupid to him, just a way to pass the time. sarai hadn't even heard the next words out of his mouth, she just held the box out to him, asking him to take it, her body shaking as she tried to fight back tears. she jumped slightly at tony's harsh tone as he told her to keep the box, as if she even could now. "no," she said as sternly as she could manage, which at this point was anything but stern. "this is yours and i had no right." her voice shook so terribly she felt as though she might crumple on the floor right in front of him, but sarai willed her legs to stay strong, if only until she got out of this god forsaken place. "it's your property and it was wrong of me to pry."

-----sarai walked past him, tears brimming in her eyes and threatening to spill over. they blurred her vision but she still managed to find his bed and set the box down. she turned and headed for the door, shoulders shaking, tears finally spilling over. she still felt the need to explain herself, even if it only made the situation worse. sarai couldn't stop herself as she turned around to face him once again. "it was the postmark.." she started off, bringing the back of her hand to rest against her lips for a moment before she went on. "i wouldn't have opened it if it hadn't been for the postmark. i would have put them back in the box and left and you would have never known i was here." god if only that had been the way it had turned out. she took a moment before she went on, this was something she never talked about, but tony deserved to know why. "you remembered my birthday..." she said as tears continued to fall, swiping them away only to make room for yet another. "i didn't think that anyone had remembered. my father had been too busy being mad at me, my sister wasn't old enough to know i even existed, and my mother was too busy trying to whore me out to photographers..." she couldn't even bring herself to look at tony, she just twisted her fingers together, her eyes watching as they intertwined. "that was the worst night of my life...but you remembered...i-i'm sorry for sneaking in here. i'm sorry for everything."

-----with that sarai disappeared from the doorway, quickly making her way down the hallway. her ears rang, she could hardly see where she was going, nor could she hear herself over the tears and the shake of her voice. she had to get out of there. she couldn't stand to see that accusation and anger in his eyes any longer. anger and accusation that was directed at her, memories that had been nothing but a pointless blip in time. it was all too much to bear.

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status • finished
words • 1710
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • gravity - sarah bareilles
notes • these two need to stop being miserable and start being happy again! dunno if he'd go after her, that's up to you, or anya could stop her, either way the balls in your court xD.

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[Antonino Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Antonino Giovanni
Carry me to heaven’s arms, Light the way and let me go
Dear Agony, Just let go of me, Suffer slowly
Is this the way it’s got to be?

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The sad part of it all was that Tony needed her. He didn't even know how much so, but he did. Always had. Think about it, even when he had thought he had been over her completely he still wrote the letters, he still addressed them to her and that had to mean something right? But what if his current emotions were wrong? I mean, they were based almost completely on how close the two were once upon a teenage year. He didn't know her now, they didn't know each other now... They had changed and so had the world so how could he really risk her life and his independence for the chance of something that both terrified and intrigued him? It wouldn't be logical. It wouldn't be intelligent. He may not have been the most compassionate when he apologized for the gun but he had meant it, sort of. He couldn't truly regret the action because it was his home and it was someone trespassing after all. "doesn't make the fact that you pointed a lethal weapon in my face any easier to take." He sighed but didn't attempt to apologize again. He felt bad she was scared but seriously, who sneaks into an FBI Agent's closet and doesn't expect him to pull out a gun? He watched her for a moment, not quite sure what to say so of course, he just didn't say anything at all which probably won't help the situation.

Tony really just wasn't the compassionate type. In his line of work it was mostly a masculinity game in order to get respect and while some may call it "sexist" others realize that the compartmentalizing and laidback, forced emotionlessness that associates with the concept of masculinity was necessary for the job. It requires the ability to face heartbreak and some of the worst experiences crooks had to offer and just shrug it off when you go home at the end of the day. "no, this is yours and i had no right." Tony watched her as she seemed to fight for the words. He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. It would be a lie to say he felt guilty for being harsh. I mean, sort of. He did feel bad for being harsh but his heart still felt he had the right to be. He felt like something he held close to his heart and kept completely to himself had just been ripped up. Its not that he had written one recently. But those letters were his and were never meant for anyone to read, well except for the first five or so. "it's your property and it was wrong of me to pry." Tony nodded, starting to calm down a bit. "Yeah..." He began, taking the box from her. He walked over and just set it down on the dresser. He rested his hands on the wood and took a deep silent breath before turning around and leaning against it, looking back at her as she walked towards the door. So that was it? Wow, this was doubtful to help their current situation.

But then she stopped and turned to him.He stood up slightly straighter to show a bit of attentiveness as she began. "it was the postmark.." The Postmark? What did the postmark have to do with anything? "i wouldn't have opened it if it hadn't been for the postmark. i would have put them back in the box and left and you would have never known i was here." Tony scoffed slightly, "Yeah well, if only I guess." He said plainly, his voice less harsh than before. "Then again, I probably would notice that someone had been here." He looked down at the ground for a moment before regaining eye content. "you remembered my birthday..." Her birthday? He remembered every birthday of hers, he always had why was that so important? He and her would always do something big on her birthday and his, especially since in his family, his birthday hadn't been acknowledged since he was twelve but Sarai was always there for his so He had always been there for hers. He could not have forgotten her birthday had he wanted to. It was drilled into his head. April 26th, every time, every year. Even when separated by continents. He would remember. Hell, he had easier time remembering Sarai's birthday than even Anya's. Then again, he had known Sarai longer right?

Sarai would wipe a tear away and then continue, "i didn't think that anyone had remembered. my father had been too busy being mad at me, my sister wasn't old enough to know i even existed, and my mother was too busy trying to whore me out to photographers..." "What?" Tony asked accusingly and concerned stepping forward. Remember, he really didn't know anything that had happened in those six years apart. "that was the worst night of my life...but you remembered...i-i'm sorry for sneaking in here. i'm sorry for everything." Tony shook his head slightly. "What do you mean 'whore' you out? What happened? Did anyone touch you?" woah, down boy. Tony, no matter how much he changes will always be protective of the people he cares about. And no matter how much changes, Sarai will always be someone he cares about. ALWAYS. He stood there for a moment as she apologized again and just walked out upset. It took Tony a moment before his head kicked into gear and he was able to move again. "Hey, Wait!" He called after her. He turned around and reached into the box of letters grabbing out the first five addressed to Sarai. The four that were meant to reach her, before shutting the box again.

Running out of his room, Tony turned down the hallway and jogged after Sarai reaching her at the top of the stairs. He gently reached forward and grabbed her arm pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry. " He said quietly, "I'm sorry for everything" He added, hugging her for just a moment longer before pulling away. He let his hands drop from her shoulders as he reached into his back pocket and handed her the letters. He took a deep breath. "The only reason I got mad was because most of those weren't meant to be read by anyone, not even you. I only signed them to because it... it made it feel like more of a release, pretending I was talking to you and all." He sighed and shook his head, "But these five I actually tried to send, they just kept getting sent back to me so I figured why bother? But you should have them. I gave them to you six years ago, they just never reached their destination, but these five are yours."

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'dear agony' breaking benjamin
WORD COUNT;; 1165
CLOTHES;; Tony
NOTES;;finally done, sorry its way late
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[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai understood what it was that tony had to go through for his work. she saw it every day in the hospital. she knew that he had to shut himself away in order to function in a situation. if he cared too much, if he let his emotions get too involved, then he was a walking dead man. sarai understood that, heck if she had the chance to actually tell him she would encourage him to. sarai should have adopted a similar lifestyle. caring was the basis for medicine. it was the reason why people stumbled over cures. they cared about someone so much that when they were ill they did anything to save that person. but caring too much...that would get a person in trouble. it was what was getting sarai into trouble now. if she was a little more closed off to the sheer raw emotions around her, maybe she wouldn't get so attached and get hurt so much. applying that to her life was even harder to do. sarai just had so much passion about the people she cared about, present company included. it was nearly impossible to keep that bottled up. sarai lived her life with passion, her work with passion, everything she'd ever done she put her everything into. it was what made her so vulnerable and what made her who she was. it was why she didn't get caught up in the stupid things in life and lived her life almost like a saint. it wasn't so she could look down on people or think herself superior to them, it was because it was her choice and she just cared too damn much.

-----regardless of whether she should have or not cared too much, sarai still did. she couldn't stop herself. she loved with her heart, her whole heart, and nothing would stop her. it was why after six years of nothing, no phone call, to contact, nothing, that sarai still was in love with tony. because her heart simply wouldn't let him go. of course she knew now, having seen him and spoken with him and kissed him and being turned away, that he childhood dreams of them together was slim to none. if only she could see inside of his head. if only she could see that he did reciprocate her feelings and she wasn't just some loon who'd held on for far too long. if only. from her perspective it seemed as if tony had every intention of letting her leave. good. the sooner she could get out of here and never look back the better. sarai was faced with the harsh reality that her childhood friend and love was different now, as was she, and there just wasn't any going back. oh how heartbreaking one little reality check could be. she didn't look up as she talked about the postmark. she couldn't stand to see the look in his eye when she gave him her one reason for why she'd snooped through his things. no, snooped wasn't the right word. snooping implied intent and sarai hadn't had any intent of looking through his things. if they hadn't fallen on her head than sarai never would have even seen them! well there was no use in even attempting to place the blame. it was her fault, it would always be her fault, and there was nothing she could do about it.

-----there was one thing about sarai that was completely certain, and had been even when she was a child. the flight reflex. it had been the most prominent inside her house when she'd been little. any time that she could hear her mother as she was coming into one of her rages sarai would always high tail it to her bedroom or a closet and hide away until the coast was clear and she could get outside to see tony. but as she'd grown up and had been towed around the country, sarai had never had anywhere else to go. she would always panic and her eyes would go wide and she would shrink back into her chair but there was never anywhere that she could run to. that had to have attributed to the change in her when she'd gotten home. even her father had outwardly spoken about how jumpy she was. now when faced with a bad situation sarai always ran. she always had to get away. so it was natural that all of the hard times that she'd been faced, especially the recent ones with tony, had given rise to her running from him. she didn't want to. it was just her way of dealing with something. she heard tony speak but she couldn't stop the reflex to run. she just had to get away from this awful situation. she was just about to step off the top stair when she felt a hand around her arm, the momentum change pushing her into his arms. sarai couldn't help herself as she clung to him, her arms wrapped around him as she buried her face in his neck. why couldn't things just be easier? why couldn't they just go back to the way they used to be? "i just want to go back." she said into the nape of his neck, tears streaming further down her face. "i just want to go back to when everything was right with us."

-----she took a step back as tony let her go, scrubbing her hands over her face once again. god she had to look terrible right now. there was no doubt in her mind that her eyes were wide, her cheeks were flushed, and her nose was bright red. sarai wasn't exactly a pretty crier which was a curse seeing as how the girl always wound up crying. "i know. i know" she said eying the envelopes he held out to her. she wasn't sure that she wanted to take them now. but slowly her hands reached out and she took them, hugging them tightly to her chest. "i wouldn't have seen them if they hadn't fallen on me. i just...i really didn't mean it. the last thing i ever want to do is make you made at me." she stopped her rambling to catch her breath, closing her eyes and forcing herself to breathe. "your the best friend i ever had tony. i-i would never deliberately do something that would jeopardize that." she stepped forward once again, wrapping her arms around his neck in the hopes that he'd return the hug. it seemed to be the only comfort he could give her nowadays. "you were always that and so much more." she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut.

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status • finished
words • 1359
tagged • tarai !
credits • gabz!
clothes • park wear.
listening to • hands in the sky - straylight run
notes • corner turned? -crosses fingers-

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[Antonino Giovanni]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Antonino Giovanni
Carry me to heaven’s arms, Light the way and let me go
Dear Agony, Just let go of me, Suffer slowly
Is this the way it’s got to be?

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------------ OKAY, OKAY, THIS WAS ENOUGH. TONY WAS JUST sick of all the hurt. It was stupid. Here in front of him was Sarai Montgomery, THE Sarai Montgomery. The same Sarai Montgomery that used to stay up late with him and watch the stars. The same sweet girl that he used to go to school for. This was her, slightly more grown up, slightly more damaged, but still just as perfect as ever for him. Why couldn't they go back to the way things were? I'll tell you why? Tony was being an ass. and he knew it. Why in god's name had he kissed her? Stupid Stupid Stupid. He hadn't been so awkward with her before he left had he? You know what, he blames the job... yeah.... sure... I guess. Okay okay, so maybe he was just confused because he had thought himself over her and moved on and then he saw her again. Plus, while he knows now it was not her fault, part of him was still hurt by never hearing from her and yes, logically he knows it was not her at all, but her father. Perhaps he was just shocked the man hated him so much as to hurt his own daughter so much in order to keep him away. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving. Perhaps he felt guilty he had not been here when things went back for her. Maybe he felt guilty about just not being there with her all those years, good times and bad.

------------ THROUGH GOOD AND BAD, THAT WAS THE TEST of friendship right? Growing up, Tony hadn't had another friend that suited that test. Only Sarai. God, growing up huh? He felt so old and yet he was still only twenty two, almost twenty three but to a lot of people that was still a kid. To many, he was still a kid. But no one thought of him as a kid, except for a couple seniors at the Bureau. No stranger who meets him tend to think of him as a kid. Probably because he did his growing up too early. And yet, I bet a lot of older folks would look at him and tell him what it really means to grow up and that's owning up to your actions and emotions. They would tell him to accept how he feels about Sarai, and do something about it because time is fleeting. There's never going to be enough to live the way you should have so relax and live your life. They would tell him that he's got the surviving part down and now he should focus on the living life part. But that lesson would have to wait for another day because despite his gut instinct, his brain was still overpowering his actions. Right now, surviving is just about all the living he could handle.

------------ TONY HELD HER CLOSE FOR THAT MOMENT OF REGRET and that moment of just wanting to feel close to her again. "i just want to go back to when everything was right with us." Tony could feeling her mouth move as she spoke against his neck and while he heard what she was saying, it just made him smile softly at the feeling. He nodded to her sentiment a they stood at the top of the stairs. As they took a step back and she wiped her face with her hands, he couldn't help but admire how natural she was. He respected her for being just so... real. She always felt things whole heartedly and was always strong. Tony was only strong if he learned not to feel at full pressure. She was beautiful you know. Sarai. I mean, physically she was gorgeous, even with her eyes slightly red from tears and flushed cheeks, she still looked incredible but to be as beautiful as her there was more to it. She was just... she was... unexplainable. She was just... Sarai, and that was beautiful. "i wouldn't have seen them if they hadn't fallen on me. i just...i really didn't mean it. the last thing i ever want to do is make you mad at me." Tony shook his head, "No, no. I get it. I was just...." He paused trying to think of the right word to describe what he had felt without making her feel worse. Like his privacy was invaded.... hm? probably not. Like his heart was being poked at.... no, no, that's worse. "... I was surprised, that's all."

------------ AND THAT'S TRUE, HE HAD BEEN SURPRISED, HE HAD been very surprised, which was probably why he had pulled his gun out. He was also surprised because like he had previously mentioned, those letters were never meant to be read by her. They were as raw and honest as he had the capacity to be. "your the best friend i ever had tony. i-i would never deliberately do something that would jeopardize that." Tony smiled just before she stepped in and hugged him, surprising him once again. He reached around her and hugged her back as she continued. "you were always that and so much more." Yeah, you too. Was all he wanted to say and all he couldn't bring himself to. He swallowed hard before gently stepping back and grinning, "Okay, okay, so why shouldn't things get semi normal again?" He asked. He backed away, putting up a finger as he spoke to emphasize, "So we start the reunion over. You know?" He smiled and ran back into his bedroom for a moment before exiting and faking surprise at the sight of her, "Oh my god, Sarai! How have you bee--" Tony stopped after taking a few steps forward and shook his head, "Oh god no, now I sound like a very gay man, fun loving and hot gay man, but still, yeah no," He added. Tony nodded and headed back to his room, "Yeah we've got to start again, again."

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'dear agony' breaking benjamin
CLOTHES;; Tony
NOTES;; way late, sorry, my Tony muse has been failing lately, but he makes me giggle.
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[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2009

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-----sarai was completely unaware of the inner monologue going on inside of his head, but oh to be able to read his thoughts. wouldn't that just make life easier? to not have to hear the hidden meaning in his words and to just hear his feelings and how he truly felt about her. sure that would open up a fresh wound or two but to finally know! after all that time to know that what she'd felt wasn't just as one sided as she believed it to be. because that was the way that sarai saw it. one sided. she made interpretations about what he felt by what she'd seen, heard, and been told and that would never lead her to the conclusion that he a) had feelings before he'd run off or b) still had those feelings now. add two and two together and sarai simply had to come up with the idea that her feelings were just that, her feelings, and that he didn't reciprocate them. sad as that feeling was, sarai was pretty much ready to accept it. she couldn't pine after someone who didn't care about her right? least not in that sense. she understood that he saw her as a friend. hell he'd told her that much time and time again, mostly at the most inopportune times like after kissing her. oh that kiss. it was like everything she'd ever wanted from her childhood to her present culminating into one single action. as cheesy as it sounded it was like the stars aligning for the first time in her life. for that single, solitary moment everything had felt right. everything was as it could be, and from what she guessed that would be the biggest sense of satisfaction that her feelings for tony would probably ever have. how depressing.

-----but she simply couldn't do it. to wish and pray and hope for the day that tony would realize what he felt and find her. it just wouldn't happen. sarai had spent six lonely years waiting just to see him again and look at how fabulously that had gone over. hell the moment they'd first laid eyes on each other after being away for so long tony had been cool, calm, and collected. he'd said hello as if he'd met her for the first time or just seen her yesterday, as if it meant nothing in the world. sarai on the other hand, who clearly felt every agonizing moment, had been a wreck. she'd dropped her clipboard as well has tony's file that she'd yet to read, and she's been a stuttering, unprofessional mess. she'd even gone so far as to flee the hospital when things got rough, something that she hadn't done in quite a long time. it was if tony had shifted the balance in sarai's head, screwing with her equilibrium and making everything spin. up was down, left was right, and the "ice queen" everyone had come to tolerate had now become a blubbering, emotional wreck. it was a sad, sad story of a girl who really just hadn't needed to come to terms with what had happened long ago and was now faced with having to hurry through it. but if tony didn't feel for her the kind of deep emotions she felt for him, it was preposterous to stand here pining for him, sobbing at every turn. sarai really though she was better than that. after the whole deal with her mother, sarai had been fine. she'd come home, cried a little, but she'd gotten over it. she'd come to the realization that her mother was a horrible, horrible person and that she would never change. sarai had gotten that kind of closure from her the minute her mother tried to pawn her off to a greasy, disgusting photographer as a "thank you" for doing the shoot. who the hell did that?!

-----sarai had never gotten that kind of closure with tony. that had to be the reason why she just couldn't let it all go. she just couldn't grasp the fact that there was nothing between them, nothing like she'd imagined, and she simply needed to move on. she needed to, sarai understood that, but it was as if she needed something so definite as a romantic shove off in order to get it through her head, and she couldn't bear the thought of that. it was true though, she was agonizingly real. sarai felt absolutely everything even though she tried not to, in her job that could either help her or hinder her. feeling anything made work both difficult and a blessing. losing a patient, especially some of the children she'd grown to adore, was absolutely heart wrenching and would really do a number on sarai. those were the down moments, the times when she wasn't sure just how equipped she was for this job, but then there were the brilliant turn arounds. the sick child who was supposed to die and turned around at the last minute. she couldn't put to words how wonderful it felt to stand in that lobby and watch the wheelchair come out of peds, a frail but healing child heading toward the front door with a new lease on life. there was no words. television got it close in episodes of grey's anatomy and house when they actually focused on the patients rather than the personal dramas of the doctors. that moment where the music reached a climax, the patient hugged her doctor and said the cutest little thank you before being wheeled to the door to go home. that was close, but nothing like how attached you got in real life. it was nothing like the sense of satisfaction you got seeing a success story right before your eyes. that was why she did what she did, that was why sarai felt as much as she did. it was practically her reason for being.

-----tony was different. he didn't live life with emotions, it seemed he did better when he lived his life devoid of emotions. despite living in the totally opposite manner, sarai could understand that. most doctors refused to let themselves feel anything. they'd be better off if they could simply not know the name of a patient and just stand in the operating room, working on patient after patient like an assembly line worker. sarai didn't understand them but she understood tony. if you spent your entire work day looking down the barrel of a gun, with that kind of life or death mentality, you were bound to not let yourself feel anything. you wielded a force of death. emotions would make you hesitate and could get one of your partners killed, there was no second guessing yourself, no hoping that the person shooting back at you would turn out to grow a conscience and turn himself it. it was just a matter of instinct and survival. she got that, probably better than anyone else seeing as how she knew him so well and working in a field completely opposite him. sarai understood him like no one else could, that was fact not opinion, and she was fine with that. let her be the shoulder, let her be the crutch almost, but she would always understand his need for doing something...as long as it was work related. take in to account the matter of the heart and sarai was completely lost. but at least she could be there for him in some way or another. "it was more than surprised but okay, i get it." she said meekly, emphasizing her words with a sniffle. "you have a right to be mad." it was true, he did. she invaded his privacy when she shouldn't have, and he should be pissed, but she wasn't going to overlook an opportunity to get past it.

-----she was confused by his smile as he'd pulled away from her hug. that smile only meant trouble, and sarai knew it. "semi normal sounds heavenly" she said with a small smile that only grew bigger as he mentioned a bit of a do over. GOD YES! she wanted to scream but managed to control herself. she laughed as he turned and darted back to his room, straightening as he came back out and spoke. she saw that smile and melted, even through the laughter which had undoubtedly started again. "you don't sound gay!" she said through fits of laughter. as he turned around once again, sarai had to fight to keep herself from falling over. it was so incredibly good to see this side of him, no matter how fake it came across as being. like old times. for the first time in a long time it felt like old times. "hey wait!" she said as he turned around again, jogging over to his door. "come on you were on a roll, don't stop now." her voice minimally shook with what was left of the laughter, but that smile, the smile that was pretty much reserved only for tony, it was back with a vengeance.

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status • finished
words • 1768
tagged • tarai !
clothes • park wear.
listening to • live like we're dying - kris allen
notes • so cute!

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[Antonino Giovanni]

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Antonino Giovanni
Carry me to heaven’s arms, Light the way and let me go
Dear Agony, Just let go of me, Suffer slowly
Is this the way it’s got to be?

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------------ THERE WAS THIS MOMENT WHEN HE WAS A KID, WHILE HE WAS spending time with Sarai and ignoring the world. They were teenagers. Things were complicated, of course. He had been outside of the school when he saw some bullies going after some kid. Seriously, these were kids who, at the time were his age and in high school and they were really giving another kid, who was a far younger elementary schooler, a hard time. They were doing the stupid, "keep the lunch box away" and tossing it around to each other as the younger boy tried desperately to get it back, jumping for it each time it soared over his head. And each time, he missed. The kid in the red jacket. Tony watched for a moment before he just got annoyed with the assholes. But really, the real reason he went over was when the older kids decided the game would be more interesting if the the young boy fell to the muddy ground each time and started to shove him hard as they moved past him. The soon-to-be police academy and future federal agent in him could not keep it down anymore. He went right over to them and caught the lunch box out of the air. He handed it to the kid, who, dirty, wet, cold and bruised, took it and ran down the street. Tony didn't even say anything to the other boys, just sort of scoffed and shook his head before he turned his back to walk away. The bullies were angry he ruined his fun and attached him from behind. Basically they got in a sucker punch or two but really Tony, having the family he had, didn't have to much issue when it came to getting them to fall to the ground, even when there was a few them against one. He did get a black eye with a cut on his cheekbone from it though. And since he was definitely not in the mood to go home, he went to Sarai.

------------ HE WENT TO SARAI BECAUSE HE WOULD HATE TO EXPLAIN THE EYE to his family. They would probably give him another. Honestly, the moment effected him. How could those older kids be such bastards to a little kid who did nothing to them? how could they find enjoyment in that little boy as he bleed through mud and rainwater with his eyes red from holding back crying, desperate to seem like the bigger man. Tony wished he had a way to let the kid know, that in that moment, he had been. It was just, at that moment, Tony had been so sick of it. He was really feeling the pressure on his shoulders, pressure he put there just because he was determined to save the world. But it was hard when he had just seen more proof that it's not just his family out there that are the bullies, but that they were everywhere. It wasn't even just them and then, there was so much just bad in the world and he couldn't fix it, so why try? What was the point? and with so much darkness out there was it even worth it? Did the world deserve to be saved? And if he were really to try, he was just going to end up here, with a black eye and Sarai asking what happened as she held ice to it. And then, as Sarai stood slightly above him, holding the pack to his eye, he knew that was not that bad of a place to be. She was there. Without knowing it, in that moment, Sarai convinced him not to give up. No words were needed, she didn't even have to know what sort of place he was in in his head and she still did and said everything that he needed. She took him away from everything.

------------ THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER THING THAT COULD TAKE HIM away and just make him have fun and that was baseball. He started playing in the back alleys with friends, he wasn't on a team until high school. Tony was just the sports type. Say what you will about the cut throat side of sports in a corporate age where over paid athletes expect special treatment and think they are entitled to indecent behavior, but there is still something so unifying about sports in it's purest form. Just a team of people working together, pushing themselves further in order to rise above themselves and just live in that moment. There was a pride to it, even in losing, knowing that you pushed yourself and had fun while you did it, working as a team, even if you lose you lose together. Sports may bring about a lot of bad in those immature but talented stars who let it go to their head, but a good player, and I mean, a good one as in the one that appreciates what sports are about, they help unify people and bring them together for something that demonstrates another aspect of human potential. So yeah, he was a sports man, but for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. He did do it to prove he was better than others, instead he played sports to improve and make himself a better person. Plus, nothing bonds people like just having a fun day with the only drama being who wins at scrimmage.

------------ JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT HELP HIM SEE EXACTLY why the world's still worth saving. Just like Sarai and others that prove that there are still good people out there. "semi normal sounds heavenly" He smiled, "Good," He began, "because it's been long enough without my best friend." He added laughing slightly, not that he didn't mean it because it did, and it had been too long. After the quick "restart" and he came back out of his room again, he could see her, "See, there's the smile." He said warmly. He laughed slightly before walking back over. He glanced at the ground before back at her and nodded, "It's good to see you again Sarai." He said honestly. He reached around and hugged her once again, this time being a bit shorter though, before he looked around and glanced at the clock. He sighed, "but I do actually have to go." He looked at the pretty girl in front of him and smiled, "Surprisingly enough, you see, the FBI actually has inter-department baseball games and my team's decided I need practice" which was ironic since he was probably the best play on the force. "But I'll see you soon okay, and really keep those letters, just think of them as mail that get delayed a bit.... oh and ignore the return to sender stamps" He added as he walked her to the front door, opening it for her. "Those were just a mistake." He said, referring to how they were marked return to sender by her father and not her.

---

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; Sarai<3
CREDITS;; format to me, inspired by everyone, graphics to me
LYRICS;; 'dear agony' breaking benjamin
CLOTHES;; Tony
NOTES;; soooo I hope the memory in the beginning was cool, if it's not I'll change it, but aww I love them so much
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[Sarai Montgomery]

SARAI JORDANA MONTGOMERY
VALK STREETS, GIOVANNI RESIDENCE, SEPTEMBER 2007

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-----there was a reason why sarai had wanted no other friend but the one she saw standing right before her. there was a reason why no one compared to tony, because no one seemed to get her the way that he did. no one understood her better than she did herself. really, when had anyone else known what she was thinking even before she did so they could reassure her or say exactly what she needed to hear in that moment? no one ever had but that was partly sarai's fault. after tony, she'd never given anyone the chance to kind of step into his place. how could she? find a fill in for tony? there was no way that it was possible, so she'd never given anyone the chance. instead of going out and finding new friends after tony had disappeared, sarai just stuck to herself. she sat in her room, reading, all day and all night. she preoccupied herself and she basically learned how to preoccupy herself. she became her own friend in the hopes that no one would ever hurt her again the was the tony's absence had. though maybe if she'd had friends none of this would have happened. think about it. with a few friends on her side, sarai could have stood up to her mother and gotten out of her little modeling spree. she would have gotten up the nerve to tell that woman no and would have kept herself out of a lot of trouble. with friends she wouldn't have stayed home all day, every day, just reading. though sarai loved to read, that didn't mean that she wanted to waste her whole childhood away with it. if she'd had friends than maybe she would have gone out and enjoyed her time in high school

-----now sarai didn't regret the life she had. quite the opposite, she'd been satisfied with it. she hadn't minded staying at home and reading and doing nothing other than reading throughout her years in high school. she didn't mind learning all that she could and preparing herself for college like she had. but sarai also had nothing to compare it to. she didn't mind the life she'd had because she didn't know what else was out there. parties, social lives, music, hanging out with friends, sarai didn't know a bit about that because she'd never experienced it. if she had then sarai probably would have indeed regretted a life of sitting around and doing nothing. but she hadn't. it was like comparing fast food to a five star meal. it was hard to realize just how dull and boring a chicken tender was when you'd never even smelled filet mignon. she'd lived her dull, chicken tender life since tony had left. it was a good life. very little spark besides the things that she read, but it was her life. but with tony back, it was as if she was finally moving on to something better. she hadn't quite reached filet mignon, but damn if she wasn't closer than she'd ever been before.

-----sarai felt as though she had a chance to live now. it was as if she wasn't at all ready for any of this to have happened before but now was the right time. sure sarai had been a mature child, but she was even more mature now and able to handle what was thrown at her slightly better than she would have been before. she was after all the same little girl who ran away from fausto after he threatened her. she was still the same person who waited to hear something, anything from tony only to let the past, that neither of them could control in the first place, get between them and threaten their friendship. sarai couldn't stand to let that happen and she was so glad that tony felt the same way. after all he wouldn't have gone through such measures to start over not once, or twice, but three times, just so they could say they reconnected on good terms. that was all she wanted. sarai couldn't go back in time and she certainly couldn't change what had happened, but her father had taken enough time from her. she couldn't let him continue to take the time that she had with tony. to be this light, this carefree around him, brought back the many memories she had of the two of them as children. they hadn't a care in the world. they were simply the best of friends who knew everything there was to know about each other. not to mention that seeing that gorgeous half-cocked smile of his was like seeing colors for the first time in six years.

-----"it certainly has been too long." she whispered, watching his antics as he raced around trying a second time to restart their little meeting. "are you kidding? you're the only one guaranteed to make me smile." she said as he walked back over to her, nodding as he spoke. god how true those words were. "right back at you." she said as he hugged her once again, managing to wrap her arms around him tightly before they both stepped away. "go? oh alright." she said smiling in response to tony's own smile. it had certainly been a long time since that had happened. "oh well you can't get all out of shape. you're too good for them to let you waste away like that." she gave his arm a little squeeze just pretending as if he were out of shape, you could tell simply by her expression that she was poking fun. what couldn't be seen was the slight bit of thrill she got from squeezing his arm. jesus you're just like a high school girl. pull it together. she said to herself, mentally kicking herself for the slip. "you couldn't pay me to get rid of them. i swear." she walked to the door, stopping for a minute as it swung open. "thank you." she said, her voice slightly muted. "and...tell anya i said thank you too." sarai smirked. somehow she had the feeling that anya had this all planned. she gave tony's hand a squeeze before she turned and jogged down the walkway, her fingers raking through her hair as she started home.

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status • finished
words • 1300
tagged • tarai !
clothes • park wear.
listening to • soulmate - natasha bedingfield.
notes • these two are so much freakin' win. it's absolutely amazing.

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