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Post by Ksenia Sakahrov on May 25, 2010 17:14:04 GMT -6
 -----------------------------------------------------------NOVEMBER, 2007. LATE EVENING. TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL + CASINO.[/size] -----------------------------------------------------------[/color][/center] - - - IT WAS ODD, [/b] american culture. even after several years of living in the united states, ksenia sakahrov was having a time adjusting. something about the countless varities threw her off guard. back home in serbia, everyone had acted pretty well the same. the same customs were accepted, the same acitivies were considered normal. but here in america? everyone was all over the place. now, don't get me wrong, that's a wonderful thing and it should be more common overseas, but it was still a culture-shock. the utter openness of everyone was astounding. when, and how, had the states become so diverse? just think about it. her family had moved to keizer, oregan. okay, it's a small-town and the people there do small-town things. they're snobby elitists who never think outside of their own little bubble. but then you cross to somewhere like venice beach, california, and any snobby elitist within five miles is laughed all the way back into their bottle. the hippies and non-conformists are stationed there, where anything and everything goes - but life is much too short to waste it looking down on people. they are like cliques in high school, only entire towns. but then you get to the cities, the really big cities. new york city. you will find a bit of everyone there, with their own little bubble to be in. and the bubbles don't bother each other. everyone knows not to go bothering the other bubbles. it was the sheer number of bubbles that surprised her, that's all. she quickly caught on this bubble system, and knew not to mess with it. she accepted it, adapted to it quickly. but, at the end of the day, she still didn't really understand it. the entire country of serbia had been home to a single bubble, maybe two. everyone just acted the same, spoke the same. the countless summers she spent back in moscow, it was the same. people spoke the same, dressed the same, even looked the same. but it all worked. it wasn't the odd, borderline disturbing, line of order you see in those futuristic, science-fiction films. people all followed the same current in the river, and were perfectly happy about it. save for the juvenile actions of the school-bound children. but language barriers do nothing - all over the world, kids will be kids. emerging into adulthood, however, there is no more of the high school fears. you can go up to anyone and politely ask a question, you'll get an equally polite answer back. none of the ignoring you by pretending to be on your cell phone. that's what she loved so much about eastern europe - everyone is suffering in the bitter cold together, so might as well get along. the united states of america? well, that's something else entirely. the people here were perfectly friendly, happy human beings. you just don't go looking beneath the surface, because that's when it begins to get ugly. as soon as you become familiar with one bubble, you best not go off finding another one. snobby people in suits talk to other snobby people in suits. they won't always answer your question is you're wearing jeans and a t-shirt on a monday morning downtown. it was just such an weird combination - this level of diversity and accepted freedoms, and then the judgement and accusations that go along with the diversity. she still did not understand it. to this day, after more than two years of living in america, ksenia found it confusing. and that, my friend, was what was odd about american culture in general. she had found it easier to just follow along. no one ever knew how she struggled to fit in with the american norm; no one ever would. it was better to simply duck your head and not ask any questions. living in keizer had taught her that. if you don't want to be accused and judged, you don't open your mouth. for a town so small, the level of animosity was outrageous. screw up once and everyone turns on your without a second glance. she knew, first hand, how that went. her best friend, one caroline sutton, knew exactly how it went. it happened to her, and ksenia had gone right along with it. so much for struggling with the american way, right? it hadn't been all the difficult to shun her other half. you just stop taking their phone calls and text messages, shoot venomous stares whenever you pass-by. it got easier as the days went on, she wasn't going to lie. within a couple of months, ksenia had found herself merely missing the ghost of carly. she still saw her day-to-day at school, but it was different. like they had never been friends in the first place. she easily fell into the place of their local high school's queen bee, and she never looked back. things got so easy once the entire town decided that the sutton family was a family of lepers. people didn't question her, ksenia, at all. as long as she continued to play along, nothing would have to change for her, either. y'know, just follow along. isn't that always been the cowards way out? today, she would have to say so. that had been last year, a distant, fading memory. things had changed since then. for the first time since moving to america, ksenia was struggling. she had told herself while on the plane over to valkyrie that things were doing to be different now. while things had been easy in keizer, it would be a lie to say she had been happy. she had been happiest when carly was her friend, when they could laugh about nothing and it would all be okay. the problem with being the solo queen bee, you have no one else to share your insecurities with. she had silently promised herself history wasn't going to repeat itself. valkyrie, california was a different town than keizer. from what she had heard, it was structured along similar lines, but you never know. if you go striding in with a history no one knows about, anything could happen. she wanted to be happy here, like she had been in serbia. so she had to clean up whatever ties were following her. word was the students of valkyrie academy had fled to las vegas for the long weekend. interesting. fun trips never happened in keizer. see? already a difference. before she had even registered at her new school, ksenia had ducked out from her parents' home and bought a grey hound ticket to sin city. she didn't have a particular interest in the city itself, to be honest. trips were only enjoyable if you had people to enjoy them with. at the moment, the only people ksenia even knew were her parents. they told her that her cousins would be coming to valkyrie soon, don't worry. well, that's nice. she'd never met them, either. judging from the photos? not the nicest of people. but she still got on the bus, with a single reason in mind. it had taken perhaps five minutes of asking around to know that carly was making a scene for herself in valkyrie. apparently she worked at some bar, had more friends than she could imagine, and was getting along fine without her past. i guess it would be bad that ksenia wanted to ruin all that. but she had still promised herself, things would be different. she couldn't go living in valkyrie without at least talking to her. it took even less time of asking people to know where the valkyrie students were staying - the treasure island hotel and casino. good choice. the late-night wind cold on her pale face, the russian girl hugged her cardigan closer around her torso. unable to find an open room here, she had booked a two-night hotel somewhere down the strip. hanging around the lobby for more than an hour made her seem creepy, so she had taken to standing right at the front doors of the glossy hotel. this place was incredible, even she had to admit. her blue eyes looking up at the towering structure, she bit down on her lip. it was getting late, and her ex-friend was still no where to be found. she wasn't considered creepy enough not to be able to buy off the front-desk lady, so ksenia knew that she wasn't in her room. from what people had told her, carly was hitting valkyrie hard and fast. pretty well everyone knew who she was, and what she did. apparently she offered a good time, and was often seen having one. it was almost enough to not want to do this. almost. breathing a light sigh, ksenia swayed in the spot, continuing to stare up at the hotel. beginning to ponder the thought of going back to her room, carly was probably crashing somewhere else, she heard the car door slam. turning to look over her shoulder, she saw her ex-best friend for the first time in months. a neutral expression on her face, ksenia half-turned her body. "carly?"[/font][/size][/blockquote] ----------------------------------------------------------- STATUS, complete.
TAGGED, carly, yo.
LENGTH, 1570 words.
ATTIRE, clicketh.
NOTES, yay! sorry it's kind of messy xD
CREDITS, format and graphics to me.
lyrics to the fray - "fall away"
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Post by Caroline Sutton on May 25, 2010 18:40:10 GMT -6
 CAROLINE ISABELLE SUTTONVIVA LAS VEGAS, TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL AND CASINO, NOVEMBER 2007[/font][/center] -----what was it about tonight. the entire time in vegas carly had been happy. she'd been overjoyed really. she had not only gotten a chance to get vegas out of her system but she'd come to the realization that though one would think this place was for her, in all reality it wasn't really. this place, vegas, would be more of a dead end than a starting point. in this place her spark would fizzle out and she would become just another one of the feeble masses, hungry for some kind of escape or desperate for someone to swoop in and make all of their dreams come true. seeing as how the beginning of her life as sucked so royally, carly didn't want to look forward to that fizzle being the end of her life. where was the happiness? where was the romance, the intrigue, or the hope? where was the drive to make something of yourself instead of pouring drink after drink for snobby underaged, over priviledged children year after year after year. vegas may have looked like the ultimate of getaways, and it was, but it was never a place that carly could see herself inhabiting. short of the strip there was really nothing else to vegas. what sane person would start a decent business in a town with such a bad reputation? the only thing that survived in vegas was sin, gambling, and crime. anything else was out the window with the rest of your hopes and dreams. at least that was the way she saw it. bring her here for a party or a weekend getaway. she could have more fun than you could ever shake a stick at. but ask her to live here and she would turn you down so fast it would make your head spin. vegas was the world's vacation spot. it was the place where you could let it all go and pray that you don't later have to face the consequences. but there was no hope for anyone who really wanted to live here.
-----besides, this place had already killed her good mood. she had worked so hard to build it up as well. carly had driven into vegas on a bit of bad luck. she'd come in full steam in brett's convertible fresh off of talking their way out of a ticket and jail time for a driver without a liscence sitting in the front seat. she'd gotten past that with a fabulous carefree night with regan. god what a night that had been. she's let herself go on the dancefloor, let her past sink away, let her problems crumble to the floor, and let her inhibitions fly. she had been burden free for the first time in probably seventeen years. lest we forget that carly had grown up in the shadow of her grandfather's failures. though the suttons had overcome the loss of the family's wealth and the scandal that came with it, all of that past hung over their heads up until the moment they'd driven away from keizer. even then the financial burdens had never really gone away. the family still had to fight tooth and nail for every last penny just to keep the family together and intact. on top of all of that had been carly's mistakes. her pregnancy, her attempted coverup which had done nothing but made it worse, losing all of her friends and anyone outside of her family whom she'd thought meant something to her. no matter how much you wanted to get rid of it, the past always stayed with you. but something about her first night here had changed all that. not only was she in a town where no one gave a shit about what she did, who she was with, or any of that, but she was here with the one person she'd gotten truly close to who shared the same philosophy. regan didn't care about her past. he simply enjoyed her company and made it worthwhile. she should have hung out with him during her entire stint in vegas, though that really wouldn't have helped the dating rumors, but she'd figured one night, and one morning, was plenty of time for them to hog of one another.
-----but all of that effortlessness she'd feel disappeared by the end of tonight, her last night in vegas. she didn't mind leaving. that was almost a high note considering the epiphany she'd had about how useless for sustaining valuable life this city had become. but she definitely wouldn't have missed leaving vegas on a high. that had been her intention as she'd gone out with a crowd of girls that she hadn't been hugely acquainted with. that was fine. these girls didn't really know her, they didn't really care, they just heard that she was one of the people who knew how to play it up in vegas and that with her they were sure to have a good time. way to make her feel like a party planner or entertainer. up until an hour or so before they'd had to leave, carly had run smack dab into her past. her past lover to be specific. the past boyfriend who had knocked her up and pawned her off as a lying, cheating, worthless slut! her last months in keizer had been miserable thanks to that son of a bitch! she'd faced off with him, wonderful. seeing him did nothing but bring back horrible memories of her past and had killed the happy vibe she'd been feeling throughout vegas. what had been a break from reality was now swimming with her own brand of harsh reality and carly wanted nothing more than for her taxi to take her back to her hotel so she could recuperate. but apparently her misery didn't end there. carly, fresh from a panic attack in the back of the taxi, thanked her driver and handed him the money to pay for the trip, a little extra as a thank you for not freaking out about her freak out. she stepped out of the cab, grabbed her purse, and shut the door. she wanted nothing else than to just get away, and who of all the fucking people in the world did she lay her eyes on only moments after getting away from her first encounter with her past? ksenia sakahrov. "oh my god." carly said bitterly as she heard ksenia say her name. "what? are the two of you in kahoots trying to make me miserable? or wait, you two got married and feel like rubbing your wonderful fantasy in my face." carly walked up to the hotel, as if she was walking up to ksenia and brushed right past her, headed for the entrance. "save it please. i've had enough miserable encounters for one day."
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status • finished
words • 1343
tagged • ksenly ?
clothes • clicketh !
listening to • take it off - kesha.
notes • --.
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Post by Ksenia Sakahrov on May 26, 2010 13:22:13 GMT -6
-----------------------------------------------------------NOVEMBER, 2007. LATE EVENING. TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL + CASINO. [/size] -----------------------------------------------------------[/color][/center] - - - SHE KNEW, WALKING [/b][/font] into this situation, things were going to be awkward. why wouldn't they be? ksenia had, basically, ditched her best friend over some ridiculous rumour her ex-boyfriend had started. okay, no one could deny that carly had been pregnant. during the months of her pregnancy, it was difficult to ignore. it was the rumours spread around that school that turned her away. cain had called her everything from a slut and back again. naturally, it spread through the entire town, let alone school, like wildfire. like carly and herself, ksenia, people held on to every word the archer boy said. he had been caroline sutton's crowned king, her one and only - the guy every girl wished to hell she could have. together, their local high school had been theirs for the taking. it was just the way things had been. so, once the king of the castle himself began to say ugly things about someone, everyone followed along. it wouldn't have mattered if it were carly or anyone else. words meant everything in keizer. she didn't want to believe it, not really. as far as ksenia had known, carly had been nothing but faithful. and, at the end of the day, an accidental pregnancy is just that: an accident. now, she saw it as a mistake that could easily be fixed. but things are quite different today than they had been. even if, deep down, she hadn't believed those words, reaching out to carly would have meant joining her in the hood of social leprosy. that shallow fear alone was enough to drive her away. after all of that, she certainly wouldn't want to have to be seeing herself. but, really, she was going to have to swallow those fears and just do it. sucking the poison out of the past involved just that: dealing with the past. she wasn't going to deny it, not even close. if anything, ksenia wanted to apologize multiple times over. would it do any good? no, probably not. her old friend would have rolled her eyes. the new carly sutton would surely throw it right back in her face. without an apology in hand, what exactly was she doing there? well, to be honest, she didn't really know. words would falter her the second she actually spoke with carly. while sure that this was what had to be done, the way she was going about it was probably questionable. but, think about it? what would you do? any e-mails would be deleted; phone calls would be ignored; doors would be slammed in her face. she'd do the same thing. being there, that was the first stepping stone. okay, she had done that. waiting outside some ritzy hotel for almost an hour gauranteed she wasn't going anywhere. so, now what? please, enlighten me. as the minutes crawled by, any attempted conversation was deemed worthless. each line was worse than the last. begging for an apology. pretending nothing happened and just saying hello. being a bitch. it got more and more pathetic the longer she stood there. a contemplative frown crossing her face, the russian female dug her hands into the pockets of her jeans. she fumbled around for her cell phone, anything to do with her hands. maybe this is why people smoked. when they were stressed, it was something to occupy themselves. good. now they just need to invent non-nasty cigarettes, and ksenia could happily join the smoking community. they seemed nice. absentmindedly checking her empty message inbox, ksenia breathed another sigh. it was always the worst, just waiting in the calm before the storm. was there going to be a storm? most likely. she didn't know how much carly had changed since keizer; from the sounds of it, she had. then again, ksenia had changed as well. who knew if they would even mesh well anymore. ninety percent of the reason why most people ever liked her was because she was quiet and followed along with the crowd. but, at the same time, she offered a good time. wasn't that all people looked for in others these days? she didn't even want to think about going to school on monday. valkyrie sounded that it functioned along the same lines as keizer. ksenia, however, didn't really function that way anymore. she was firm in promising herself she was going to be different this time. if she was, imagine what carly had told herself. new town, new start. if ksenia had gone through nine months as a leper, she would be different, too. and from what she had heard, carly 2.0 was more...well, she was more carly. expressive? completely wrong word. rebellious? probably. if you fit into your scene well enough, your confidence swells. you can risk being louder and more abrasive. it's a good thing. awaiting that? not so much. the attempted opening lines were still getting more pathetic. the longer she stood there, the sadder they got. pressing on the 'end' button to turn her phone off, she watched as life died from it. blue eyes continuing to look at the blank screen, they only looked up at an all-too familiar voice. "oh my god." quickly shoving her phone back into her pocket, ksenia simply looked at carly. she looked different. same face, same everything. but something was different. tone of voice? definitely. "listen..." trailing off, she didn't get another word in as her ex-friend harshly brushed past her. "what? are the two of you in kahoots trying to make me miserable? or wait, you two got married and feel like rubbing your wonderful fantasy in my face." furrowing her eyebrows together, she quickly followed carly into the lobby. "what are you -" quickening her pace, she grabbed carly's wrist, pulling her back lightly. "what are you talking about? i'm not in...'kahoots' with anyone. i didn't want to wait until monday." confusing highlighting her soft voice, ksenia let go of her counterpart's wrist, backing up a few feet. "save it please. i've had enough miserable encounters for one day." definitely a brash new version of one caroline sutton. taking a few seconds, surprised by her words, she bit down on her lip. should have been expecting that. "well, might as well get all of the misery out in one day. i don't deserve it, but you need to give me five minutes of your life." her words unintentionally gaining venom, the apologetic frustration was obvious on her face. "five minutes. then you can slap me or whatever it is you do now."[/size][/blockquote] ----------------------------------------------------------- STATUS, complete.
TAGGED, carly, yo.
LENGTH, 1120 words.
ATTIRE, clicketh.
NOTES, woo.
CREDITS, format and graphics to me.
lyrics to the fray - "fall away"
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Post by Caroline Sutton on May 26, 2010 14:04:53 GMT -6
 CAROLINE ISABELLE SUTTONVIVA LAS VEGAS, TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL AND CASINO, NOVEMBER 2007[/font][/center] -----she may have looked the same from the outside, but as far as anyone from that podunk shit hole was concerned, carly sutton might as well have just died. she was not the same as the kind-hearted, easy-going head cheer leader with all the aspirations in the world. that person was long gone. why? well look where being kind-hearted had gotten her? carly had seen nothing but the underside of everyone's boot from the moment she'd been slapped with the scarlett letter than she'd been completely innocent of. so she'd made a teenage mistake? so she'd gotten pregnant at fifteen years old. first and foremost, it took two to tango. for years she had been the only one taking the blame and carly was sick of it. she'd let people walk all over her once before because it had been pointless but this was her new life. this was her fresh start. if these backstabbers from her old life wanted to weasel their way into her life yet again they had to know that the doormat they'd been so happy to use and abuse was gone. carly would no longer be trampled on. she didn't have the stomach to be someone's bitch again. bad enough she'd been keizer high school's verbal punching bag two years in a row, she didn't need to continue that here and now. easy going was another thing carly couldn't be anymore. when your whole world revolved around getting away from a terrible past and when your mind was haunted with images and what ifs that came along with that same past, well it was really hard to just let go and be yourself. carly now had trust issues that had never been a necessity before. she couldn't look at a group of girls and see new possible friends. all she saw when she looked at a new person was how long it was going to take them to hurt her and whether or not it was worth it. in the end it never seemed worth it, so carly didn't make friends. at least she tried not to. going through valkyrie with your head down, avoiding attention, didn't go as well as one would hope.
-----then there were the aspirations. god carly had wanted to do so much with her life. she'd had incredible dreams that, yes, had seemed impossible, but she'd wanted them so badly she could taste them on the tip of her tongue sweet like candy. she'd wanted to finish out high school in keizer. yeah so it wasn't the greatest of goals but it was the only life she'd known. she wanted to go to cheer competitions and whoop some serious ass, bringing home the most trophies that the school had seen in ages. she wanted to do well in her classes, all A's in fact, so that she could apply to scholarships and get the hell out of that cow town. she wanted to find a place that was better suited for her parents so that maybe they could move with her and experience a better life. she wanted to travel to alaska during the summer and camp out in the wilderness with wes. she wanted to see los angeles and meet that girl nate couldn't stop talking about. she wanted to join a dance class in college and see if she was cut out for it, then go on to apply for dance companies and get a job doing what she loved. she wanted to train in different techniques so that she was versatile and not just some other one-trick pony. she wanted it all. all of those dreams cut short at fifteen years old. do you know what killing a kid's dreams so young does to a person? it changes them. it changes them so completely that if you were behind them in a line to check out groceries you wouldn't even recognize them. it's like having a full, unopened can of soda and running it over with a ford f150. the top would explode under immense pressure and all that was held inside would come screaming out in one moment, leaving behind only a flat piece of aluminum, the metal fitting the curve of every indent in the concrete from all the weight that had been placed on it.
-----needless to say, carly had faced off with two f150s. the first was behind her, the second was staring her down and she tried to hurry into the hotel and get away. they let anyone into the lobby of these hotels lately. carly didn't want to listen, she didn't want to "see here," all she wanted was to get back to her hotel room, pack, and pray that she could go without seeing another blast from the past before she got back to valkyrie. suddenly she felt that damned frail little hand wrap around her wrist and she froze midstep. carly shot her head backwards, her icy glare on the hand that still continued to grip her. ksenia finally seemed to get the clue and released her, taking a step or two back. that was a good idea because at the moment carly felt one hundred percent viper and zero percent human. she was more likely to lunge at her than listen to her. carly was about to spit back that she wasn't going to be in vegas come monday when it all sank in. on monday carly would be in valkyrie, in school, where ksenia thought she would be running into her...meaning...oh fuck. "i'll tell you what you do deserve." carly said slowly, her eyes dead of emotion as she looked at her ex-best friend. "the darkest, dankest, hottest pit of hell is too good for you." she took a step toward ksenia, a sneer on her face. "no, you don't deserve five minutes. you honestly mean to tell me that running into cain and you on the same miserable day, within the same damn hour was by accident?!" her voice began getting louder and carly had to force herself to remain stoic. "ksenia, i don't give a shit about the vile filth that pours from that stupid mouth of yours. your words haven't meant more than dirt since i was fifteen and pregnant and i watched my best friend turn her back on me."
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status • finished
words • 1274
tagged • ksenly ?
clothes • clicketh !
listening to • take it off - kesha.
notes • --.
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Post by Ksenia Sakahrov on May 26, 2010 19:59:04 GMT -6
-----------------------------------------------------------NOVEMBER, 2007. LATE EVENING. TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL + CASINO. [/size] -----------------------------------------------------------[/color][/center] - - - THINKING BACK ON [/b][/font] it now, those few years living in keizer, oregan, were ugly, ugly years. nothing positive came out of that experience. at first, people had been smarmy and judgemental because a - a new family arrived and b - they had funny accents. small towns like that were only comfortable with the familiar. many of the families in keizer had been there for generations; everyone had grown up with one another. you get married to the same families, have kids, and start all over again. it's surprising there aren't incestual results of loose sex. the moment someone new came through the borders, the shields go up. you all whisper to each other, peering through closed blinds at the strange newcomers. don't even get her started on when a generations-old someone marries an outsider. the new husband or wife is the gossip for months. in the starting weeks of living in keizer, the sakahrov family was surely the talk of the town. an entire family, with no connections to the 'important people'. shock. gasp. woah. once anyone proves they can be as shallow and superficial as the rest of you, then they can finally be accepted. ksenia quickly learned the way to act was similar to how she acted in belgrade - without a genuine personality. her parents, on the other hand, never quite got the hang of it. while as good as any other plastic trophy wife, stana sakahrov mysteriously found herself without an invitation onto the school board. victor sakahrov never even made an effort. but i suppose moderate good russian looks and fat wallets can make people get over it. it was ugly for awhile, then good. all before it got really ugly. she wouldn't even consider those first couple of months the bad ones. as long as people didn't judge her 'weird new kid' parents, she fit in as though she'd lived there all her life. cute, blonde, shallow. that was the recipe for success. as soon as ksenia met and befriended carly sutton, things got that much easier. here she was, with a best friend with significant social standing. in a place like keizer, what else matters? she soon found herself ruling their high school alongside carly. that's when things were good. the ugliness of moving to a completely new place was falling behind her, quickly becoming forgotten. you know, when something is too good to be true, it probably is. have you heard that before? probably. well, next time you hear those words, listen to them - they're correct. in life, it seems nothing can be perfect for long. someone always finds a way to mess it up and make things interesting again. it was good for awhile, i'm not going to lie. but, after awhile, it seemed things were getting even better. life being perfect equals a close d-day. life in keizer got ugly the moment that condom broke, and carly sutton was impregnanted. don't take her for being selfish, things didn't just get ugly for ksenia; life turned upside down for many people. she just never considered them during those months. when cain began to spread those rumors, when carly confirmed she was pregnant - that was just the beginning. people listened to cain's words, so they shunned the entire sutton family. former queen bee caroline was the newest social leper to grace small-town oregan. golden boy cain was the latest celebrity. which left ksenia, carly's best friend and sidekick. she was the person who was nominated to step up, to be the solo queen bee while carly rotted at the back of a classroom. that's all that was important to these people. well, i suppose you could say it was important to ksenia, too. she wanted so badly to be liked, to be accepted. for the first time in a long time, she had been accepted by her peers. even more than that, she was the person who deemed whether someone was socially acceptable or not. once carly was determined as the pariah, that had only increased. like always, the pretty russian girl went along with the crowd. she sneered down at carly the very next day, shutting her down in front of half the school. she was the person who shot her mocking glares in the hallways, who laughed at her during break. it was all too easy for ksenia to settle down into this new role. well, it was until the real feelings set in. as carly's pregnancy continued, things in keizer definitely began to settle down. it wasn't so much as front-page news and the constant topic for gossip. it was always easy to sneer at her. it became routine after a month or two, actually. and, you guessed it, as soon as things settled down, she came down from her so-called high. she watched carly pass her in the hallways, and a pain would shake her heart. solo popularity was as lonely as it was fake. she had aquaintances and a wide social circle, yes, but she didn't have anyone at the end of the day. no one ever called her to complain about their problems; no one offered the same thing in return. ksenia was alone to deal with her insecurities and issues. before, carly was the first person on her speed dial. that's part of why she loved their friendship so much - they could be insecure together. all she really wanted was for things to be like that again. unfortunately, judging from the new and improved carly, that was a slim chance. more like anorexic, non-existent. an ugly sneer crossed her face the moment she lay eyes on ksenia. while expected, it was different to experience it first-hand. people had looked at her like that before, sure; just carly never had. it was easier when she didn't have to face her at all. her tongue caught in her throat, ksenia merely watched as her ex-best friend's eyes drained of any emotion. "the darkest, dankest, hottest pit of hell is too good for you." see, if anyone else had said that, she'd smirk and probably agree with them. it was different hearing from someone who really mattered; it meant they were genuine about it. no, you don't deserve five minutes. you honestly mean to tell me that running into cain and you on the same miserable day, within the same damn hour was by accident?!" her eyebrows furrowing at those words, she pushed a blonde curl over her shoulder. her heart was beating coldly in the pit of her stomach, her mind was curling up behind itself. more than anything, she wanted to leave. but what self-respecting teenage girl lets anyone see those insecurities? she'd become the master of hiding it. "you're probably right," her words were soft as she recoiled her shoulders, hands back in her pockets. "i'm not going to deny anything, here. i deserve to watch american adaptations until i die." a twisted smirk wound its way onto her face, eyes looking a few inches to the right of carly's own. "but anything to do with cain is conicedence. i haven't seen him in months. last i heard, he was in new york slutting around for awhile." lowering her voice in contrast to carly's steadily raising one, ksenia slowly shifted her gaze to stare right at her ex-friend. remaining silent as carly stormed right on her, the russian female didn't move. didn't even blink. fighting to keep her stature casual, she shifted her feet slightly, words struggling to form on her lips. she had known driving into las vegas that it was not going to be an enjoyable trip. her initial hope was that carly was having too good a time to be that pissed at her. wishful thinking, i realize. but we're all entitled to a little childish thinking, aren't we? "then i suppose it's good i don't want words to mean anything to you." she spoke slowly, watching to make sure she didn't set carly's fuse off completely. it was like walking on broken glass. "i don't want things to go back to how they were. i don't want to rub anything in your face. i don't even want your forgiveness. what i want is to be able to wake-up in the morning knowing you don't want to see my head on a stick." she continued in her controlled tone, eyes narrowed slightly as she fought to keep her words civil. carly had always been the one person who could make ksenia forget her maturity promise and just let loose, have fun, say whatever she wanted. "then you can turn your back on me."[/size][/blockquote] ----------------------------------------------------------- STATUS, complete.
TAGGED, carly, yo.
LENGTH, 1490 words.
ATTIRE, clicketh.
NOTES, - - -
CREDITS, format and graphics to me.
lyrics to the fray - "fall away"
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Post by Caroline Sutton on May 26, 2010 22:14:43 GMT -6
CAROLINE ISABELLE SUTTONVIVA LAS VEGAS, TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL AND CASINO, NOVEMBER 2007 [/font][/center] -----there really was no worse feeling in the world than some of the feelings carly had experienced. now a lot of people could go out and say that. there were plenty of people with woe is me stories who wanted nothing more than pity. in carly's case she never wanted pity. after seeing the true colors of an entire town, there was nothing she could possibly want from the people of keizer. they had made their decisions already. they had heard the word of cain and surrendered to his mightiness. they looked at her with hate in their eyes for something that had never involved them in the first place. so how did it all feel? there was nothing like the build up. that was what her freshman and sophomore year must have been, just a build up to her inevitable fall. anyways carly had been at her highest possible moment. she'd had the world at her feet but she didn't bask in it. carly hadn't been the egotistical type to need the attention like oxygen. she hadn't needed to have the acceptance of others though it had made her life a lot easier. it hadn't always been that way though. as a kid in elementary school carly had been the outcast. she'd been the shy, quiet one who couldn't have friends because no parents were ever around to watch a bunch of kids. parents didn't tend to like trusting their children to carly's siblings, even if they were six years older than her. so she'd read books and her only relationship in school had been with the teacher who would sit with her so she didn't feel alone. being an outcast was easy. there were no expectations and people tended to ignore you. but that didn't last all that long. by the time carly had "blossomed" so to speak, middle school had come around and offered something carly couldn't stay away from, cheer leading.
-----once people learned that she could move, could cheer her ass off, and was tiny enough to toss high into the air, carly was like high school gold. though it hadn't been her intention, she'd only been interested in cheer leading for it's imitation to dance, carly just shrugged and let herself be swept up in the popularity storm. now she could have let it all go to her head. she could have gotten conceited and started running around like keizer high school's uber bitch, but that wasn't really her style. even now while she stared down her ex-best friend spouting hurtful words, she didn't feel like herself. but back to the point, carly was a humble queen bee if there ever was one. she was popular simply based on the fact that she was good, not because she'd weaseled her way to the top like some vicious snake. so she'd been kind, she'd been humble, and something about her had attracted cain archer. honestly carly hadn't really expected much to happen with him. she had hoped just like every girl, but she'd remained herself the entire time. there was no giggly, valley girl change to her demeanor every time she got a wink in her direction. no she was the same old carly and that's one thing she was proud of, that throughout everything she had always stayed true to herself. she'd been just as surprised as everyone else when cain had turned what had been a beautiful night into a nightmare for her. when she'd heard the rumor going around that carly had cheated she'd hardly believed it. it wasn't until she'd walked into the cafeteria shortly after that day and cain and verbally lashed out at her calling her a whore and basically dragging her name and reputation through the mud. had anyone really gotten a chance to know her (like she'd thought ksenia had known her) they would have immediately known carly would never be the type to cheat. if anyone had really known her...but that was the thing. they'd only used her for her popularity and once that had dissipated they were happy to move on to the next person and shun her like a disease.
-----but what did carly actually feel? well loneliness that was a sure candidate. there was nothing like the feeling of being stared down and sneered at during every moment of the day. it didn't matter if she was in the halls, where it was usually the worst, or in the classroom where the feelings were a little more subtle. it was a sad fact, but high school kids could be so cruel. when she was at about the three month mark and had barely begun to show was when it was the worst. guys would catcall and volunteer to be the baby daddy next time. girls would sneer at her, some were even bold enough to spit at her. they taped, spray painted, and scratched every cold, heartless thing they could think of into her locker, the bathroom stalls, anywhere. she was sure that her old cell phone number was still etched in the boys bathroom from over two years ago. yeah the harassment had been so bad she'd had to get a new cellphone. she would have gotten rid of it entirely if her condition hadn't required her being able to call someone for help if something went wrong with her. in the classroom she would usually be stuck in the back. when things had to be passed up the kids would either ignore her, refuse to take her paper, or would only grab it if they used another piece of paper to touch it, like touching her paper would make them pregnant too. and all of this didn't get to her? nope, carly remained quiet throughout it all. she cleched her jaw, gritted her teeth, and got through every miserable day because she had to. eventually the game got old. instead of pushing her and trying to make her break the kids just avoided her like the plague. like in juno the kids would part in the halls to let her widely pregnant self through. not out of courtesy, no never out of courtesy, but because no one wanted to touch her. hell hardly anyone dared to look at her.
-----so pardon her for not feeling the need to be extremely kind to one of the banes of her existence. pardon her for not facing down the supposed best friend, who she "would always be able to count on," with just a slight twinge of bitterness. yeah she may have been different but carly still didn't like being cruel. none of this felt natural. and yet it came so easily to her. she scoffed at ksenia's comment about cain. she still didn't believe it. how could they not be working together on this? if it was coincidence, since when did she deserve this much karmic hell? had she not been through enough already? her arms crossed in front of her chest as ksenia began to talk again. fine, she wanted an audience, fine. what the hell ever. "want your head on a stick?" carly laughed. "ksenia you mean nothing to me. you haven't meant a damn thing since the day you turned your back on me. funny too considering how in a town like keizer, i was nice enough to take the shy, self conscious little foreign girl and make her my best friend despite what the rest of the school thought about you. i did that because i hadn't cared what other people thought. i did that because i was strong enough to know myself and know that i didn't need the acceptance of those sons of bitches to make my life complete." she stopped to look at ksenia, shaking her head in disappointment. "i don't want your head on a stick. i don't want anything to do with you. so why don't you stop feeling so self-centered. none of this ever had a damn thing to do with you and yet you'd made it that way the moment everyone turned their back on me. i didn't cheat on you. hell i didn't even cheat on cain." she stopped as she finally blurted out the truth. carly had never said it before. not in keizer, not to her family, to not a single soul. "yeah i didn't cheat on that bastard. he's the father of my child. i had been faithful to him and he turned on me JUST LIKE YOU HAD!" carly closed her eyes for a moment as she regained her composure. "like i said before. i don't give a shit about you. the only reason i would ever turn my back to you, would be so you could see the knife that you put there." with that carly turned away from ksenia and headed for the hotel elevator. she needed to get away from this poisonous environment and fast.
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status • finished
words • 1750
tagged • ksenly ?
clothes • clicketh !
listening to • take it off - kesha.
notes • sorry about the length. i got lost in high school cruelty xD.
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Post by Ksenia Sakahrov on May 28, 2010 0:19:57 GMT -6
-----------------------------------------------------------NOVEMBER, 2007. LATE EVENING. TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL + CASINO. [/size] -----------------------------------------------------------[/color][/center] - - - SEE, THINGS ARE [/b][/font] never quite what you expect them to be. in anything. this is life, after all. it wouldn't be really worth living if everything followed the perfect plan, the schedule you made for it. you can't control life. you can control your life, yourselves, you actions, even how you are perceived by others. but you can't control life. no one can, except their own. and seeing how much of the population functions on their own bit of intelligence, you never know what is going to happen. in any other situation, she would have loved that. see, ksenia sakahrov is the farthest thing from a control-freak. people will do what they want, whether you tell them to or not. might as well let them be happy about it. but that would be any other time. any other being the key points in that statement. walking into this evening, ksenia hadn't known what to expect. it could have gone numerous different ways; it just chose to take the ugliest route out of there. but that's all for another time. the moment she made the decision to re-enter carly's life, she hadn't the vaguest idea how things would roll out. she could theorize, of course, but when does that actually do anybody good? that was the thing about this, she didn't know what was going to happen. no matter how well she claimed to know carly sutton, it wouldn't matter. at the end of the day, things would go along how they chose to go along. chances are, if you know a person better, you can better assume the result. part of her had hoped she knew. back-stabbing bitch or not, ksenia had been best friends with her. with the sort of friendship they had shared, it wasn't superficial. carly had been the only person ksenia had trusted herself to. even her ex-best friend couldn't call what they had fake. well, she could ( and probably would). but that didn't make it true. it was the most real, genuine friendship she'd ever had. the sort that you only get a handful of times in your life; and shouldn't let go of. what had she done? thrown it out the window without a second thought. because of that, they both changed. she wouldn't want to admit it, but what she did was low, wrong, and incredibly selfish. deep down, she knew that. it was telling everyone else that was the difficult thing. but, because of the fuck-faced thing ksenia had done, she didn't recognize the person standing in front of her. she barely spoke to carly during the months of her pregnancy. how the hell was she supposed to know the kind of person carly was becoming? moving away and thriving in a new town didn't help much. ksenia herself had changed once she moved to keizer and blossomed into whatever she had been. even if she had known the carly then, she certainly didn't know the carly now. things were that much darker, that much more difficult to assume. if she hadn't changed, then maybe, just maybe, ksenia might have been able to forecast. now? didn't stand much of a chance. so, perhaps you can understand the bewilderment that her mind registered. somewhere, a small voice was borderline asounded at the completel one-eighty carly seemed to have taken. back in keizer, she had been capable of a little cattiness, but what teenage girl wasn't? however, the venom, the incredibly hurtful venom, that was spewing all over ksenia was something new. it was entirely different to hear things like that from someone you once considered to be your best friend. it was even worse when every word she said was the complete and utter truth. the past several weeks, ksenia had only begun to realize how cruel she had been to carly. who honestly ditches their best friend over one little accident? and for what? so everyone else won't think you're weirder than they probably already do? life is just a tad too short to dwell on bullshit like that. so, really, this venom is well deserved. it was a real confliction - being surprised that such words are being said to you, and knowing that you probably should be hearing worse. the odd moments she heard carly pause, she bit down on her lip, expecting even more. different or not, it didn't take much to understand the new and improved caroline sutton. whether there was a history a mile long or not, it was something that ksenia could easily adapt to. it was what she did, remember? as the words continued, she remained quiet, barely making a sound. a sigh here, a breath there. there was no point in interrupting. carly had rarely said anything to her when she was being a dillusional, cruel bitch. you just learn to the tools of the trade. "want your head on a stick?" even as she spoke, the frustration continuously present, her voice was soft, cowardly. she knew it. she knew all of it. "i know that, i do. i wasn't lying when i said i wasn't denying anything, carly. what i did was stupid, shallow -" she paused for a second, raising her eyebrows in doubt. "and probably a list other colorful things you could think of. but you still took the five minutes i asked for. i don't know who you are now, and i'm not even going to try; all i wanted was for the truth to be there. for you to say it. so now i can disappear from your life knowing you don't want me head on a stick, you want nothing to do with me. glad we're on the same page." she stopped speaking entirely, glad her meaningless rant came to an end, as soon as the words came from carly's mouth - "hell i didn't even cheat on cain." she bit down on her lip again, an odd expression crossing her pale face. again, things were entirely different once they directly revisited the past. everything cain had said, all of those atrocious rumours, had involved carly being the biggest slut in the west. of course people believed them. call the virgin mary a whore, and the people of keizer would have believed it. several times, ksenia opened her mouth to say something, but the words never formed. carly was right, again. she may have approached her tonight in hopes of clearing the air, but it hadn't really done any good. it had probably made everything that much worse. what with carly's word she had run into cain that very evening. yay to keep this new promise, sakahrov. "i never, really, thought you had." bowing her head slightly, speaking in a near whisper, ksenia only looked back up to carly once she had finished yelling. truth? she never had. even when she had made the fuck-faced decision to end their friendship based on what everyone else thought, ksenia had never, truly, believed them. carly sutton - a worthless slut? she had known her then, and that person was the farthest thing from one. curling her fingers inside the pockets of her jeans, ksenia continued her extended silence. what else was there to say? what had there been to say in the beginning? nothing that would have meant anything. if she had been in carly's situation, she would have thrown something at her, thrown her under a bus. surprising she hadn't, judging by the amount of stretch limos out in the parking lot. as she watched carly spin on her heel, heading straight for the elevator, she breathed another slow breath. way to feel better after everything. "for the record, i had wanted to do it." well, it had been true. calling her final words at her ex-friend's quickly departing back, she furrowed her eyebrows, not quite sure what to feel. it just made sense, to put all the cards on the table like that. she had wanted to humiliate carly as badly as cain had, to have her fun with the situation before moving on. well, that's life, right? it never ends how you expect it to. so, she left. spun on her own heel, and departed the infamous hotel with the same unsure feeling in the pit of her stomach.[/size][/blockquote] ----------------------------------------------------------- STATUS, complete.
TAGGED, carly, yo.
LENGTH, 1424 words.
ATTIRE, clicketh.
NOTES, we're on a roll xD good to end?
CREDITS, format and graphics to me.
lyrics to the fray - "fall away"
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