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Post by Sarai Montgomery on Aug 11, 2010 19:55:52 GMT -6
 VALKYRIE HOSPITAL, EMERGENCY ROOM, DECEMBER 2007[/font][/center] -----no matter what she saw at this minute, sarai couldn't help thinking this was all a dream. none of this was possible. she'd been thinking for far too long that tony's feelings were something from her imagination and hearing those words spoke right in front of her could only solidify the fact that this was indeed all a dream. it was impossible. it was her subconscious coming to life right before her eyes. sarai had to stop and wonder though, if you pinched her, would she wake up and have this all be a dream? sarai could have very well stopped and given herself a little pinch but the fact of the matter was that if this was a dream it was one of the best she could possible think up. it was everything she'd wanted to hear and more which was why she so fervently considered it to be a figment of her imagination. how else could tony possibly know all the right things to say, all the things she'd wanted to hear, etc. of course she wouldn't have dreamt of this happening in the hospital, but it was still just about everything she could dream of. she didn't want to pinch herself. that one little harmless tweak would make everything disappear right before her eyes. she would see those eyes, the ones that had both amazed and haunted her for those tony-less six years of her past, disappear from her sight. his words would ring hollow and this whole thing would never happen. why? because she was dreaming! sarai was pretty damn sure that if she pinched herself now she'd wake up in a hospital bed, woken from a drug-induced delusion. call her crazy but sarai liked this delusion. everything about it felt real from the way her heart fluttered to the way he smelled. wait...smelled? she couldn't possibly dream up a smell could she?
-----sarai was so willing to think it was a dream because over the years she had always told herself that even if he had been in valkyrie, there was nothing there between the two of them. that it was all in her head. though she felt the world for him and most likely always would, she'd trained herself not to believe whatever her head wanted her to think. it was like being crazy. sarai liked to imagine things that she wished would poof into existence. like tony feeling something for her all those years back for instance. or tony feeling something now and telling her he loved her. there was no way tony would actually say those kind of things to her. tony didn't like to talk about his emotions. he didn't like to put his cards on the table because it showed a kind of vulnerability that he wasn't allowed to show. see, she knew him. it wasn't so much that he didn't think he could show his emotions more so the fact that he simply chose not to show them. and yet...his words still resonated in her ears. his shirt felt rumbled against her own scrubs and she could feel his grip on her tighten as she said aloud the words she'd always wanted to say to him. holy crap...this was real. this was no dream. she wasn't going to wake up and be disappointed because it was all in her head. she could feel him, smell him, taste him if she wanted to but the fact of the matter was that this wasn't a dream. this, for once, wasn't something she'd imagined. tony was actually here. he was actually standing in front of her. he was actually showing true emotion. this wasn't all in her head! she couldn't help but smile as he hugged her back, her own grip tightening slightly in response.
-----she reluctantly let her arms loosen as tony pulled away, expecting it to kind of stop there. after all, tony wasn't the type to outwardly display his feelings, especially in public and the hospital lobby was about as public as one could get at valkyrie hospital. but it didn't end there. no way. instead tony hefted her off the ground and spun her around. sarai couldn't help but to laugh. it had to be the happiest she'd ever been and she didn't even care that everyone else was looking. after a moment her feet found ground, wobbling slightly but she recovered like a pro. god it was only her first day back. it was funny how all of the other interns were trying to knock her off her feet, telling her she wasn't cut out for it and giving her the worst possible treatment, the other staff didn't think she was ready to come back and frowned at her for showing up after getting shot, and yet it was tony who was able to knock the wind out of her and sent her head on a whirlwind. who would have thought. well sarai had always known that if that fated day ever came when tony told her what her was feeling that she would...well she would probably pass out and fall flat on her face. a little wobble was to be expected but it was a whole lot better than what she'd always expected herself to do. the room was spinning but it wasn't because of tony. just everything about this moment made everything around her want to fade away. everything but tony. she always knew that she would feel this way for him and that he had to power to knock her on her ass with one crooked smile but this? this was a lot for her first day back. but she would hear it a million times over if this was how he really felt about her. if this wasn't, as she still figured, a dream.
-----she looked up at him. complete and utter shock on her face, but the good breathless kind, smiling at him as he brushed hair away from her face. there was a moment of silence, one that probably felt longer than it actually was, but it felt like an eternity of just looking into his eyes. she couldn't pull away. her eyes fell to his lips as tony finally spoke. if she hadn't been looking at his lips she would have sworn that her ears had been mistaken. she would have sworn that she'd imagined hearing the words marry me coming out of his mouth. but she'd seen it. she'd heard it. and the resonating gasping and squealing from all angles lead her to the conclusion that this was one time she wasn't imagining a thing. "oh my god." she whispered, blinking in surprise. she heard cheering from around the hospital, from those who couldn't read lips or whatever. probably from interns who thought she'd be the happy little housewife when she got married and would give up on being a doctor or something. she cleared her throat and took tony's hand. "i need to say something, not here." she said as she lead him out the very same emergency exit doors that she'd been shot in front of only a few weeks ago. she heard the whispering turn into full fledged voices as they left the hospital and walked off to the side of the building. "tony i..." she tried to start, her throat all of a sudden becoming insanely dry. "i don't know that i can." she finally managed to say, her eyes tearing up. "riley saw us, that day that i woke up and you were there. he ended things because he could see...well something i thought i'd been imagining." she took his hand again, hoping that he wouldn't pull away in anger. she knew this had to be real now, it couldn't be imagined, because in her wildest dreams she never would have told him no. "i feel so guilty. it wouldn't be right to just say yes to you after that. i...i don't mean it as a no, i would never say no to you, but i...oh god i think i need time." her head fell, pretty much in shame, her eyes avoiding him as a tear fell and splashed on the pavement inches away from her sneaker. "i'm so sorry."
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status • finished
words • 1635
tagged • tarai !
clothes •top + pants
listening to • -- - --.
notes • --.
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Post by Antonino Giovanni on Aug 21, 2010 17:49:59 GMT -6
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------ Discovering what Tony wanted to do his life has never been easy. During the winters and falls spent in L.A. with his father when Tony was a kid growing up, he was trained. Mostly with the gun. Boy was a little natural. And he loved it. At seven, when asked what he wanted to do on his birthday, his response was he wanted to go to the shooting range. By ten he was almost a dead shot. Also during his childhood times in L.A. he met a girl. Childhood friendships, puppy love, whatever you want to call it. Can you guess who? I'll give you a hint, he had just proposed to her on impule. When they met and as they grew older he only ever saw her as sister. It wasn't until he hit about 15-16 he started to feel for her, feelings which he denied strongly. But that's getting ahead of the story because really it was when he was twelve years old when the whole direction of his life changed. It was the moment where what he wanted in life changed, how his family treated him, changed. Up until that point, Tony was the beloved baby in the family, the youngest of the Giovanni siblings, the cute one, the agreeable one, the one with amazing talent with a gun which seemed great for them at the time. But when he was twelve, the Irish mafia set a trap. They kidnapped him. Pretty risky move on their end, stealing the son of the Alberto, head of the Italian Mafia but they did and were holding him for ransom. While his family devised a plan, the FBI were executing one, having tracked an Irish member who had slipped up and they got to him first.
------ So young Tony was rescued by the FBI. Tony didn't give them more than his nickname, or why the Irish chose him. He was a good trained little mafia kid, so they didn't know who to give him back to until people came forward to claim him. They held him there and being just a twelve year old kid, they didn't treat him like a criminal or even really a victim. Tony spent those 72 hours eating pizza, playing video games and killing the guys in poker in a holding house. It was fun, he learned about their jobs and honestly, it appealed to him. Up until that point, Tony hadn't been against his families work since he had never known anything else but he had never felt any particular excitement or passion for it. The more time he spent with these agents the more he enjoyed his time there, he missed his family but he was finally starting to understand what the Mafia was in relation to the rest of the world. He loved the strong sense of family but he loved the strong fraternity and feeling of a team against the evil that the FBI had too. After a few days, he was released to his family. The FBI then realized who the boy must be but since it, like always, they didn't have the evidence, they couldn't pin his dad and he had to be released. When saying good bye, the agents gave him a little fbi badge, a pat on the head and a warm send off filled with words that reminded him, he chose who he became, not his family. That little FBI badge became his favorite possession. Things seemed to have gone back to normal for the family but they started to notice that when playing cops and robbers, tony ALWAYS wanted to be the cop. They noticed his favorite movies becoming more and more FBI or police force oriented.
------ And ever sense, there was nothing that came in between him and his goal of being an FBI Agent and he had won out. There he was. Using his skills for good, not evil and yet he still was never completely happy. He had never wanted anything more in life than to be an FBI agent until he saw Sarai again, looking so fricking cute in her scrubs as she dropped her clip board. Sure, he had had a bullet in his arm at the moment he saw her but that didn't hinder his feelings at that moment. The only thing that hindered him that night was his fears of his job and family, although I guess the bullet was in a way a reminder of that to him that night. Tony shocked himself as the words fell from his lips. Tony was always a think before you speak kind of guy but at that moment, he hadn't had any control of his mouth and he was glad for it. Or.. maybe... Perhaps it depends on her answer. Of course she would be nuts to say yes after he gave her such a runaround right? He looked at her as he could see the surprise in her eyes as well. Tony couldn't even see or hear anyone else in the crowded hospital room. "i need to say something, not here." Tony nodded, not good. He followed her outside of the hospital and watched as her, noting she looked a bit sad. "i don't know that i can. riley saw us, that day that i woke up and you were there. he ended things because he could see...well something i thought i'd been imagining." Tony furrowed his brow slightly as he looked down at the ground for a moment. Just trying to listen. "i feel so guilty. it wouldn't be right to just say yes to you after that. i...i don't mean it as a no, i would never say no to you, but i...oh god i think i need time."
------ It stung but Tony still didn't regret asking her. He nodded slightly as she apologized before taking a deep breath through his nostrils and looking her in the eyes. He smiled and laughed slightly nervous. "Riley guilt, huh?" Tony asked rhetorically as he had already gotten the answer. And that's what made the sting burn. He sighed, "You know, I can understand you saying no for so many reasons Sarai, I've been flakey. I've pushed you away for not only these past few months in Valkyrie but ever since we were kids. I've never exactly been reliable when it came to you and I wish I could take all that waste back but I can't." He reached forwards and gently put his hand on her cheek as he looked at her, "I fell in love once while I was in New York. She was great, smart, sexy, independent, career driven..." He paused, she had also been a heartbreaker who betrayed him for her job but whatever. "But it never once, not once did it feel like this.... and if you can tell me it felt like this even for a moment with Riley, I'll understand but if didn't? Then what should it matter?"
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STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; tarai!!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'change your mind' the killers
CLOTHES;; a few weeks later
NOTES;; SOOOO late, muse for him was being a bitch
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Post by Sarai Montgomery on Aug 23, 2010 10:48:25 GMT -6
VALKYRIE HOSPITAL, EMERGENCY ROOM, DECEMBER 2007 [/font][/center] -----today was turning out to be an all-around weird day. after all how often did a person get proposals from long time friends she thought never had feelings for her? how often did it come only a few weeks after being shot? yeah, this was turning out to be rather weird but then again in the scheme of things it really did seem to fit in her life. sarai had never had anything really normal ever happen to her. from a child she was always shy. she was quiet to the point that most people who met her wondered if she was mute up until the rare occasion that sarai would say something. as a toddler she was capable of saying words, she simply chose not to. some kids are eager to do so, to impress mommy or daddy with their ability to try to mimic the things they've said, to show that they can socialize along with the rest of them, but sarai never felt the need. more than that, her parents had never really asked it of her. lucille wasn't exactly mother of the year material. after marrying and getting pregnant with sarai her only concern had been how to weasel lev's money away from him. she had no care in the world about her own daughter and any social development she should be having. lev of course had hired a nanny because he knew lucille was lacking in the parenting department, and the nanny had done her best to interact with sarai but lucille would once again always get in the way. she treated the nanny like a personal slave and would get her to do chores and anything else she wanted on top of caring for baby sarai. so in all reality there was a long span of time when people just didn't care if sarai said anything. that was what she'd come to learn as a child. that you really didn't have to speak up unless you were in dire need of something and even then, if you didn't really need to say anything, well that was better.
-----it effected her as a child. for the longest time she didn't have any friends because she didn't tend to talk when other kids came up to her. even the more shy kids of the bunch would find her weird. she was just so quiet. she would sit off by herself on the playground or just sit in the corner with a coloring book at day care. if there were group activities sarai tended to shy away from them and when she was asked to get involved it felt more like being forced and she would reluctantly get involved. but for some reason that had all changed when she met tony. she didn't understand it to say the least. to say that she was unconsciously aware that this boy would somehow change her life was a stretch. but that was exactly what he did. it wasn't until after she'd met tony that parts of herself, the pieces she'd been hiding, started to rise to the surface. she was still quiet of course, she was still shy too, but around tony she would interact. she would answer him, ask him questions, and above all else, she would get involved. she liked playing when tony was involved and after she'd really gotten a taste of socializing, she'd taken a shaky step or two toward socializing when he wasn't around. tony had been like her platform. he'd brought her up to a level where she could interact with people and she wasn't as afraid to socialize. it had changed her for the better and even fixed pieces of her that people would dare say were broken. by the time sarai was a teenager, it was almost like she was similar to everyone else. she had a few friends, but none that she really held in as high regard as tony. she could talk to other people even if she still wasn't the type to be the one striking up a conversation. she had been alone for the longest time and tony had been the one to push her into the light. she could only hope that somehow as a child, sarai had something similar to the profound effect tony had on her.
-----he was almost like a drug that she was hooked on. he was her interacting drug. because the day that he'd left and she'd really realized he wasn't coming back, sarai had reverted right back to that quiet, super introverted girl she'd been before she'd met him. she stuck to her schoolbooks and nothing else. during recess, lunch, or even before school you would find her in the library or in a classroom just reading, because she didn't want to talk to, or have to talk to, other students. teachers would try to get her out there, not allowing her in the building or kicking her out of their classrooms before school started or at times when she should be out, but sarai always found some other place to be. if anything she'd hide away in the bathroom, but that was the most uncomfortable of the options she'd had. it had felt like there was a piece missing. tony hadn't just been her friend. he had been similar to a brother to her, but the bond felt a whole lot closer than that. it had felt like something deeper, something right that she just couldn't put her finger on, and when he was gone nothing else seemed to make sense. she was an odd enough child that way, but then lucille really kicked it into high gear. she'd gotten pregnant with ainsley shortly after tony had disappeared and after the pregnancy had bartered her newborn daughter and a divorce for her share of money to fund her dreams of fashion. sarai didn't know what to think of her father after that. it was like he'd bought his own daughter and yet at the same time had freed them all, all but sarai. because she'd been cute and because she'd been a minor, lucille had picked herself up a little slave girl. sarai didn't complain, she never talked back, and she would do what she was told, all for free. and that was exactly what lucille did to her. it was only when her mother had tried to whore her out that she'd realized just how little her mother cared and just how much she wanted to go home.
-----her life had always been weird, or at least out of the ordinary for someone as extraordinarily ordinary as sarai herself. so of course a proposal shortly after getting shot for taunting a child molester fit right into sarai's little box of weirdness. she hadn't expected to feel so guilty the moment he had proposed. in fact every time she'd dreamed of a similar scenario, sarai could never keep herself from saying yes and just throwing herself into tony's arms. so why on earth wasn't that happening? why wasn't she saying yes? there was no one in the world better suited for making her happy than tony. there was no one else she could ever possibly see herself standing beside for the rest of her life. and yet this overwhelming guilt could not let the word yes come out of her mouth. "not really" sarai said under her breath quickly as tony spoke about the guilt belonging to riley. still she let him continue to speak. she couldn't help but shake her head. she'd never seen tony as someone who flaked out. she'd always seen it as her mind playing tricks on her into thinking that he could possibly have any romantic feelings toward her. it couldn't be pushing her away when it was her mind playing tricks on her. but then again, apparently this wasn't all in her head. he had felt something all along. why else would he be proposing. she felt the warmth of his hand against her cool cheek and sighed, leaning into his touch slightly. still she didn't miss a single word he said. "i don't feel guilty because of riley." she said after tony finished. she really felt the need to explain. "i felt guilty because i tried for something i knew could never exist with him. i've always loved you tony and the day you left...it was like you took a piece of me, no it felt like you took more than half of me, with you. i'd felt like that for the past six years. with no break. it didn't dull for a second."
-----she bit her lip for a moment as she tried to find the right words to say. "when you came back, it was like i had gotten that piece of me back and even at that same time, i thought it was impossible for you to love me. i thought it was all in my head, something i'd been dreaming up. after that kiss, when you did push me away...i thought my best bet would be to try and move on from something my gut was telling me was what i needed all along. so when riley asked i said yes. because he was a friend, because i knew him, and because i knew i at least needed to try to feel something for someone else. but it didn't work." she swallowed hard as her glance shot to the ground for a moment. "the guilt i feel isn't because riley...caught us, or whatever someone would call it. the guilt i feel is because i feel like i lead him on knowing that i could never feel for him what i feel for you now. what i've always felt for you. so to answer your question, no, it never for a moment felt like anything i've ever had with you. it's just something i have to come to terms with, and forgive myself for, before i can say yes to you. it would be unfair to you for me to say yes when i feel like this." she took a step toward him, placing her hand on his cheek as well before she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his in a light, barely there kiss that still sent sparks through her veins. "when i can forgive myself for...leading him along...then i swear to you, i. will. marry. you. because it's all i've ever wanted. and i hope you can understand that. i hope you can forgive me..." she said with a shaky voice. she really didn't want to cry again, but damn it it felt like she was on the verge of doing so.
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status • finished
words • 2069
tagged • tarai !
clothes •top + pants
listening to • -- - --.
notes • --.
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