WHO SAID IT WAS EASY?

[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
THIS CAME LONG BEFORE THOSE WHO SUFFER MORE
I'M TOO AWAKE FOR THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WHATS
with my disgrace i lost the human race
- - - - -

"Well then somebody clearly missed the memo then! I'm not a kid anymore! You don't fucking control me so deal with it!" Alex opened her bedroom door tentatively with a creak as the floorboards trembled beneath her. Meanwhile her older cousin was stomping up the staircase leading up to the second floor of their house, a look of fury on her face. "Aunty Mel?" Alex whispered as Nina passed. Nina didn't even bother answering to this aside from a brief half-smile before slamming her own bedroom door. Downstairs, Alex could make out her aunt stomping around the kitchen, opening and slamming cupboards simply for the sake of making noise. Honestly, considering this was a fight between a daughter and a mother, they were both acting extremely immature. Alex wasn't complaining however; it did make good entertainment although she certainly wasn't enjoying all of the tension in the house right now. It was hard enough that she was still recovering from 'that' lost week but the screaming and yelling really didn't help. In fact if Alex wasn't careful, she often found herself hiding in her wardrobe crying. Not that anyone else knew that thank god. The smart thing to do would be to let the rest of the family know so that they could stop the constant reminders and keep their voices down but Alex was too proud to admit that she was still hurting, and hurting badly.

Taking a step backward as Alex’s aunt’s angry mutterings carried up the stairs and into her ears, the former brunette closed her bedroom door and flopped onto her bed. Lying on her back, Alex scrunched her nose up and stared at the ceiling. She'd been doing a lot of ceiling-watching lately since there wasn't much else to do once she'd finished her homework. Which she'd completed ages ago. That was one of the few bonus sides to getting no sleep anymore. She had plenty of time do homework so she was bound to get an excellent report in that area even if she failed to pay attention in actual classes. She was still acing all of the tests so far and hadn't handed any assignments in late so that had to count for something. Still, Alex didn't like the reason for this. It had been several weeks since the nightmare ordeal and she was still far from recovering, both mentally and physically. The bruise on her left arm was still quite purple which was a tad concerning but it didn't hurt too much anymore. Her head injuries however, were not so good. She still had some scars that were clearly visible underneath the many headscarves she tied around her head. Well at least if she was going to be scarred, she could be scarred in style.

Speaking of style, Alex certainly wasn't living up to that last sentence this afternoon. She'd had quite a crappy night's sleep last night and was feeling slightly dead so today all she wore was her old sweatpants, a black long sleeve top and a Rebel Yell hoodie. All in all she looked pretty daggy right now. Not to mention her dyed-black hair had been hurriedly straightened this morning but not brushed so it looked quite messy. Rolling back off the bed, Alex slumped over to the large mirror on the other side of her room and cringed. Sure, she had a damn good reason to look like crap but this was ridiculous. Alex's eyes wandered over her messy hair, the faint sight of the scars above her right ear, her daggy clothes, the heavy bags under her eyes and the dull look in her eyes. "Good. Lord." she muttered under her breath, turning around so she wouldn't have to look at herself any longer. That was a bit of a shock actually. She hadn't looked in a mirror much lately except to make sure her injuries were hidden. When it came to her actual appearance she couldn't really be bothered. Well that was obvious. As Alex glanced back into the mirror, she thought of what Amber would say if she saw Alex right now. She'd probably crack some silly joke to try and cheer Alex up and then tell her to shower.

Another thought shut that previous thought up straight away though. Of course, Amber wouldn't make that kind of comment right now since they still weren't talking. It pained Alex to see her former best friend either completely ignoring her or making snide comments her way. Sure, it was partly Alex's fault for pulling away but she couldn't help it. She just didn't feel very sociable after being freaking kidnapped by her dad and abused quite harshly. Could you blame her? Amber did deserve an explanation though but up until now Alex hadn't felt ready to talk about it at all. But you know what? After last night's usual nightmare had been more realistic and scary than the others, Alex was sick of it. She was sick of the nightmares, sick of the loneliness and sick of the tears. At this, Alex's eyes darted around the room until she spotted her converses lying beside the door. Not even caring how she looked right now, Alex slid her shoes on, flung the door open and rushed down the stairs. "I'm going over to Ambers. Be back soon!" she called out to her aunt who was still banging around in the kitchen. Moments later she was pacing down the sidewalk of Prince Phillip Drive toward the sophomore's estate. By the time she arrived on the font doorstep she was almost out breath, sudden spontaneity giving her a rush of exhilaration. Suddenly feeling worried, Alex pushed the doorbell and bit her lip, pulling the hood of her jumper over her head and toying with the strings as she waited for the door to open.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; malinda house / late afternoon, saturday
CREDITS; format inspired by v-siders. lyrics by sum 41. banner by JOECAT at caution.
OUTFIT; tada (:
NOTES; ahh i've missed amblex. can't wait for them to be bffs again <3

- - - - -

[Amber Malinda]

even amber malinda had to admit that she had been pretty m.i.a. lately. it may have had something to do with the fact that three of her relatives were moving away, despite the fact that they had been in valkyrie, california for not that long. apparently it was too much for them and they missed home. it's not like amber could just ask for the actual reasons, considering how she'd have to ask her aunt and uncle, since brianna and samantha weren't willingly leaving. she didn't really care that much to ask about something that was not her business, especially when she only talked to the people once in her life. scott told her why and was different but when was he not? brianna and sam were going to be forced to leave the people they loved - well, sam would. brianna was too stubborn to admit that she had given her heart to someone. nonetheless, everyone could see the pain in her every action. things were finally falling into place for her, and then brianna would just have to leave. as for sam, she tried to hide her pain so it wouldn't be a burden on others, but it wasn't working out so well for her. scott was just a booger who was tired of valkyrie. simple as that. how did this affect amber? seeing as she was never the kind of person that had a busy social life, she was asked to help out with the packing and everything else. it's sort of difficult to say no when you have two cousins who are on the verge of tears, and one who probably would humiliate you somehow if you said no to him.

not like it got in the way of her life, since as said before, her social life wasn't bouncing off the walls. actually, it may have gotten worse. though the thoughts were pushed to the back of her mind, the images of sleepovers with alex, laughing with alex, and doing the silliest things with alex were still wandering around back there. alex suresh would soon become a memory at this rate, but then again, maybe not soon enough. without alex, starbuck trips were merely starbuck trips. sleepovers consisted of amber and maybe a teddy bear if she was in the mood. school included friends -thank goodness she had hayden-, but it was so obvious that something, or should i say, someone was missing, and that was something that amber denied to herself. everytime alex popped in her head, she would get angry and depressed. how could she just leave her, worrying her friend. didn't she care at all? when alex wouldn't answer the phone, amber was suspicious. when she didn't have any contact with alex, she started freaking out. then the girl comes back and doesn't say a single word? hell no. that's not how it works with her, bitch.

now, however, seeing as her cousins were soon to be gone and everything was going to be settled, amber decided that she would get her life in control. she was going to be happier and she would do what she wanted to do, without hesitating. she was going to go for her dreams. she was going to put the past behind her. alex suresh, who? i don't know, but don't ask amber, because she doesn't know an alex suresh either. she was going to figure out her college plans. she was going to start motivating herself. she was going to do all these things that she shouldn't have done earlier, instead of wasting her time doing crap that didn't make her cherish her life. amber wasn't going to live forever, but she was going to make the most of what she had and not take or give a shit from everyone. no, her plans didn't include becoming a bitch, but if it was necessary, then it would be there. let's just say that she got most of her anger out in her last, erm, discussion with a certain someone amber totally doesn't know anymore. she may have also had some help from her trusty pillow, who was always there when she needed to scream and punch. a pillow that wouldn't leave her and make her worry, and come back, and not say a word. and if it didn't say a word, that would be okay, because he pillow tended to be silent.

it was official. she was going crazy.

her plan would be put in action starting tomorrow, considering how she had wasted most of her saturday at home watching tv and all the computer. so yes, she was in her pajamas; no need to be in jeans unless she was going somewhere. that just meant more laundry for people to do, and at the risk of that person being her, she was going to limit it to the most she could without becoming a smelly girl. so here she was, flipping through channels, not saying a word. laughing at parts, frowning at others. weak emotions ran through her, since it was only the television, but she was so desperate to find something to watch that she may have settled for the cake boss on tlc. all of a sudden, she heard the doorbell rang, and let out a big, dramatic groan. "coming!" she shouted, as if the person could actually hear her. slowly, she made her way to the door and opened it. her eyes widened as she saw who it was. amber basically just stood there, one arm on the door, her eyes staring and blinking at alex suresh, as if she was trying to make sure this was all for real. she looked clueless, confused, and didn't say a word.


alex, who?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES • STATE TESTING IS OVER, BBY :] and omg, i had so much muse stored up.
LET'S FLAUNT IT • minus the boots, since she's not going anywhereee.
TAGGED • amblex ! omg. i miss them.
SETTING • late saturday afternoon at the malinda estate.
CREDITS • lyrics to ke$ha; format & banner by me.

[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
THIS CAME LONG BEFORE THOSE WHO SUFFER MORE
I'M TOO AWAKE FOR THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WHATS
with my disgrace i lost the human race
- - - - -

Now that Alex was actually standing on her ex-best friend's doorstep, she felt kind of stupid. It was all fine and good to walk up the house but to actually go as far as ringing the doorbell? Sure she'd walked past the Malinda Estate several times recently and hovered but she'd never gotten as far as the front door and now she was ringing the doorbell? What the hell was wrong with her? Alex pulled at the drawstrings of her hoodie and tipped her head back in frustration. She was such an idiot. What was she going to say when Amber came to the door? "Hey how's it going?" Right. That was just begging for a door slammed in her face. No thanks. Why hadn't she been thinking about this on the walk here? Stupid, stupid Alex. She stared at the door worriedly, trying frantically to think of what to say when the door opened. Maybe Amber wouldn't be there though. Or she wouldn't even want to see Alex and she wouldn't have to worry about anything. She could just walk back home and cry herself to sleep and pretend like things hadn't just been about to finally take a turn for the better.

Seriously, Amber probably had no idea how much she'd changed Alex's life in just a few months. She'd helped Alex completely forget her old crappy home life back in Georgia and they'd become best friends ridiculously fast. Bonding during the school shooting probably helped. Didn't they say that people who went through a traumatic event together became closer either? Or maybe it was that those kind of relationships and friendships never lasted. That would explain a lot. Still, after that traumatic event, the two of them had basically been inseparable. It was insane. Even back in Georgia Alex hadn't been as close to any of her friends like she was with Amber and she'd grown up with those friends! If you had told Alex a month or so ago that right now she'd be basically completely friendless and standing on Amber's doorstep with no clue what to say, she probably would have laughed in your face, hugged Amber and told you that would be the day the world exploded or something dramatic. And yet here she was. Life could be so damn cruel sometimes. If there really was some all-knowing, ever-powerful God up there, he sure had it in for Alex. If he was aiming for her to crash and burn he'd certainly done his job well. He'd be expecting a pay rise from whoever is higher than God any day now. But Alex doubted that.

Coming from a small town in Georgia, in Southern America, people often expected Alex to be some little frigid, super intense Christian and she supposed that back when she used to live in Hinesville, she was fairly Christian. She went to church with her mother and brothers every Sunday while her father usually lay on the couch with a hangover. She had a bible in her room and it was one of the first things she'd grabbed when she finally ran away. It was one of the very few reminders of that house that she'd kept with her even today. She'd believed in God and Jesus and all of that jazz. She'd been happy to think that there was someone 'up there' looking out for everyone in some way. Notice the past tense? That was all down the toilet now. After waking up in that strange hospital a few weeks ago and having the memories of her dad flushing back into her mind, she'd been adamant that if there was a God, he wouldn't let an innocent girl like her be treated that way. She'd done nothing wrong and that was her reward? To be abused by her father, to be completely alienated from everyone, to have a mind full of nightmares? What kind of reward was that? What happened to karma and good things happening to good people? Why was her dad probably already back in Hinesville sitting on his couch drunk as usual, acting as though nothing had happened? After mulling these thoughts over for hours on end, Alex made a decision that clearly there couldn't be a God. And that was when she'd thrown her bible in the bin. Unfortunately that hadn't changed anything else. Her life was still a mess. She was still alone.

Alone. Alex was so sick of being alone. Sure, she was partly to blame since she had been the one to ostracize herself from Amber and Hayden in the beginning but part of her had hoped that they'd somehow understand and let her deal with her own shit herself until she was ready. Instead they'd been offended and did a complete 180 on her, leaving her to deal with everything alone and without a choice in the matter. But it was easier than having to explain what had happened and reliving the ordeal right? That's what Alex kept telling herself these past few weeks but lately that excuse just wasn't cutting it. Maybe that was why she'd spontaneously showed up on Amber's doorstep without a plan, just knowing that she needed to see her. Alex heard footsteps approaching the door and tried to ignore the sickening pain in her stomach as she bit her lip, her hands clutching onto the drawstrings of her hoodie and tugging on them anxiously as the door swung open to reveal Amber. Oh. Alex had kind of been hoping someone else could answer and give her a few extra seconds to figure out what to say but this was it. She only had a few seconds before Amber would probably slam the door in her face. Taking a deep breath, Alex released the drawstrings and clasped her hands together, looking at Amber. "I'm sorry." she said simply and honestly. Instantly she felt tears beginning to prick up in her eyes and held her breath as she waited for the inevitable slamming of the door.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; malinda house / late afternoon, saturday
CREDITS; format inspired by v-siders. lyrics by sum 41. banner by JOECAT at caution.
OUTFIT; tada (:
NOTES; a bit messy but eep here we go! i love reunions xD

- - - - -

[Amber Malinda]

what in the world was going on? amber malinda had just decided that she was going to forget the past. forget alex suresh and all the frustration that girl brought. she just decided it. just a second ago. then the frustration that she vowed to forget just shows up at her door? what. the. hell. blah. that's all she just wanted to say. blah. blah the world. blah her bad luck. blah everything. couldn't amber just get her way once? come on. as much as she complained though, amber knew that this was a sign; and if you digged deep enough, it was actually a positive sign. as much as she dramatically sighed in her head and blahed the world, amber truthfully knew that this was a good thing. alex suresh had shown up at her doorstep the second she made plans to forget her old best friend for good. um, hello? this obviously meant something. it was exactly what she wanted in her heart; something to stop her from doing what she had originally planned to do. it must have meant that she had to do more thinking before making any rash decisions. knowing amber, she'd probably go back and think about things, and then regret it when it was too late to do anything. she had many regrets in her life, but she'd always tried to forget about them; just like she was trying to do right now. maybe it was a time to change her habits.

yet, will so much going through her mind each second, amber remained speechless. she simply stared at alex; her lips would part a bit when she had figured out something to say, but then they'd close when she changed her mind. what was she suppose to say anyways? things were a bit awkward for them. actually, that was a understatement. they had been so distant ever since alex had just left without any warning. maybe if amber had just walked up to alex the day she came back and said hello... if she had done that, would things be better? would it seem like nothing had happened and everything had been in the past? amber may have overreacted, but it didn't feel right to just go up to alex and act like nothing had happened, when she had been freaking out. plus, it wasn't completely her fault anyways. it's not like alex had gone up to amber and been all, "hey, what's up my homie?". no, she just went off in her own lonely direction. without a word. without an explanation and or an apology. that hurt. it gave amber the impression that she didn't care about her. that she had just left her alone, and then came back and said she was sick. what. too sick to pick up the damn phone? too sick to text back? too sick to respond to all her ims and emails. wow. if anyone hadn't known how strong their friendship was, amber would easily pass as a creeper.

although it seemed like hours had passed, it had honestly only been a few seconds. amber couldn't help it though. she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. what there even was to say. things were so distant between alex and amber. jokes wouldn't be good for this moment, because her mind was too blank to even think of any cheesy jokes that were so bad that they were funny. or to come up with some witty comment or insult. fortunately, however, amber learned that she wouldn't have to be the one to start the conversation, when she heard alex say, "i'm sorry." the moment she heard that, her heart stopped for a second, as if to say, "oh my gosh." and "thank GOD." at the same time. her eyes widened at the two words, then immediately after, her eyebrows raised. this made no sense. amber hadn't been expecting an apology. but seriously, did alex suresh think that an, "i'm sorry", would solve everything? that a da,m sorry would make amber forget about everything that she had gone through, and how frustrating her life had been when she was worrying about her friend? that a fucking sorry was all it took to make amber her friend again and forget everything? was alex suresh seriously serious?

fortunately for her, it worked. alex had an advantage of being an old best friend, but even a larger advantage, because deep inside, amber wanted her back as a friend. with a sigh, amber malinda said, "i'm sorry, too." her eyes looked at the ground, not wanting alex to see the guilty expression on her face. it was sort of embarrassing to say the least. "i just ... like .. when you disappeared. i just... sorry." did she make any sense? probably not, but that was the most that anyone was going to get out of alex right now. there was too much in her head. she was going to go insane, and was so sure of. even though she had never planned on apologizing, she would rather be an acquaintance than an enemy of her best friend, and that was enough to make her swallow her pride. she wasn't going to let herself regret this and act stupid. not gonna lie though, amber wanted to know what was going on. she wanted to know why alex had acted so strange, but honestly, if it meant that there would be no problems, she would just wait until alex told her on her own. that is, of course, if today fixed all that happened in the past; which was still unclear as of now. maybe if amber had just swallowed her pride earlier, they could have been at a sleepover, laughing like nothing had happened before. "um. do. you. want to. like. come inside....?" her head needed to clear and stop being confused now, because amber wasn't sure if she could stand hearing herself speak in such choppy sentences.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES • I HAD A POST AND I LOST IT. SO MAD. SOSO MAD. done tho. sorry for crappiness. should have saved the original post or something. le sigh.
LET'S FLAUNT IT • minus the boots, since she's not going anywhereee.
TAGGED • amblex ! omg. i miss them.
SETTING • late saturday afternoon at the malinda estate.
CREDITS • lyrics to ke$ha; format & banner by me.

[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
THIS CAME LONG BEFORE THOSE WHO SUFFER MORE
I'M TOO AWAKE FOR THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WHATS
with my disgrace i lost the human race
- - - - -

Now that Amber was actually standing in front of Alex, Alex felt kind of...well terrified as hell pretty much summed it up. She felt slightly nautious too which made her face even paler than it already was due to the lack of sleep lately. She really didn't know what to expect from Amber at all. Anger? Frustration? Hurt? Just plain confused? No, those words couldn't even cover it at all. After the way Alex dealt with everything when she came back, Amber should be down right furious with her. Alex hadn't even given a vague explanation as to what was going on. She hadn't even told her when her father first arrived in Valkyrie. If only Alex had done just that. Maybe Amber would have let her stay over for a few nights and her dad wouldn't have had the opportunity to kidnap his own daughter. That way the whole past few weeks might have been completely different and Alex wouldn't have become entirely isolated and friendless. She wouldn't look like a big emo mess and maybe she might even be able to sleep without waking up every night due to those stupid nightmares.

So many what-ifs but there was no way to take any of it back. What was done was done. Instead of doing any of this, Alex chose, although not entirely intentionally, to shut down and shut out her friends. Instead, she went home every night after school and remained very paranoid that her dad was constantly out to get her. Which she'd actually been right about, funnily enough. Not that anything about her situation was funny. It was funny as in that was the one thing she didn't want to be right about' kind of funny. Which wasn't very humorous at all. Now she was extremely overtired, no longer a brunette thanks to her drastic, impulsive decision to dye it to distract everyone including herself, and she was standing on the front door step of Amber's house, staring at Amber like a complete idiot, waiting for the bomb to go off, waiting for that big explosion. Waiting for anything to take away from this incredibly awkward silence. God Alex hated awkward silences and it seemed even worse when it was with Amber. A few weeks ago an awkward silence was not even comprehendable with Amber. Heck, any kind of silence was simply non existant. They were too close and had too much to say for any of that. Now she was half-speechless. Alex had been like that for a while though so she was almost used to the feeling of having no clue what to say. If only she'd ignored that feeling the day she returned and just spilled everything to Amber. Again with the what-ifs! What if this, what if that. Alex couldn't help it. There were so many things she could have done to fix this situation but she clearly lacked the courage. Until now.

The problem now was how Amber was going to react to this sudden decision Alex had made that had brought her right here. As soon as Alex blurted out her short apology, she immediately regretted it. Well not the apologising because she did mean that, but the fact that 'I'm sorry' was all she'd said. Really, ages of no contact with Amber whatsoever apart from awkward glances in the hallways, all she could say was that? Really? God, Alex. Way to embarrass yourself. No wonder Amber probably loathed her. Alex watched Amber through slightly blurry eyes and quickly ducked her head to blink away those stupid tears that had appeared out of no where. She was able to notice Amber's eyes widening in shock. Or surprise. Or horror. Alex really had no clue what was going through her mind but she doubted that those two words were going to fix anything. She hadn't even explained what she was sorry about. What was she sorry about? Sorry for disappearing for about a week with no warning? Well that wasn't exactly her fault. She couldn't help it if her dad decided to kidnap her in her sleep and she hadn't been carrying her cell phone on her pyjamas when this happened. Sorry for not telling Amber what had happened when she finally returned? Well that she was sorrry for. But honestly, she hadn't been ready to relive the whole ordeal and she still wasn't sure if she was but a few weeks ago, no way. She hadn't even spoken for three days when she finally made it home. But she could have been a little easier on Hayden and Amber and given them some explanation that was actually plausible, instead of claiming to be 'sick'. Even she wouldn't have fallen for that.

So basically Alex was feeling kind of stupid right now, as well as slightly scared of Amber's response and severely hopeful that Amber would give her a chance to finally explain. Thankfully, a few moments later, Amber spoke. Alex snapped her head up to look at Amber who was looking at the ground. Apparently they were taking turns here. Alex hated the awkwardness here so. damn. much. But it was such a relief to hear Amber speak those words. Suddenly everything just seemed like it was going to be okay. Somehow, even if not today, things were going to be good and Amber and Alex were going to recover from this. Alex bit her lip as Amber spitted out a few more words, unable to conceal the happiness she could feel running through her body right now. Amber was talking to her. Nicely. As a friend, or as someone who used to be a friend and who was now ready to hopefully repair the friendship. "um. do. you. want to. like. come inside....?" At those words, Alex sighed and smiled at Amber. "Uh yeah. That'd be great." she said softly, letting Amber walk her up to her bedroom. The walk up there was silent and slightly awkward as Alex breathed in and out, trying to collect her thoughts and figure out what the heck she was going to say.

When she arrived in the bedroom however, she stopped thinking and started remembering. It felt like forever ago since Alex had been in this room. So many good memories, loud music, hyper dance moves and just all round epic sleepovers. God Alex had missed that. Standing just inside Amber's room, Alex looked around and suddenly she felt awkward again. "So, um. You probably..I...I guess I have some...." Alex started several sentences and then stopped, frustrated. Pushing her hood off her head and into her shoulders, Alex took a breath and started again. "Look. I know I've been pretty M.I.A lately and..Well I dunno. I guess I'm here to explain everything?" she said, her last sentence coming out more as a question than she intended. She looked at Amber. "It might be a bit of a long story though." she said, attempting to put a light tone in her voice although it didn't come out quite right. She still sounded depressed. Great. This was off to a great start.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; malinda house / late afternoon, saturday
CREDITS; format inspired by v-siders. lyrics by sum 41. banner by JOECAT at caution.
OUTFIT; tada (:
NOTES; haha awkward amblex feels so unnatural xD

- - - - -

[Amber Malinda]

considering how the awkwardness was starting to engulf the two. amber needed to regain her composure and to stop acting like a girl that's new to the school. then again, even when she was the new girl at the school, amber wasn't shy. no doubt she had been a bit terrified, but she made sure no one saw her fear of being somewhere so unknown to her, especially when this unknown place was so ... different. yes, she loved how california was so sunny and although the weather wasn't always perfect, it was always decent. the thing about that was, the weather was the least of her problems when starting a new life in such a new place. she was going to a new school, in a state on the other side of the nation, knew practically no one, and was going to meet relatives she hadn't even known she had. no doubt it was nerve wracking beyond belief, but what did she do? amber stayed calm and didn't let anyone in on her moments of freaking out, and things had turned out well. she had met new people, and she had met alex suresh on a ... interesting day, and even with everything going on, a tragedy occurring, amber and alex had hit it off like it had just been another regular day. so if she had gone through all of that in the past already, why was simply talking to a former best friend so difficult? it didn't make any sense whatsoever. if anything, this should have been the easiest thing out of all that she had gone through. life didn't make sense at all. if amber had managed to get through those other times, she should be able to get her head on straight for a simple conversation.

“um. do. you. want to. like. come inside....?"" good job! that's a start. it wouldn't get her too far, but let's just take baby steps for now. seeing as they had yet to rip each others' hair off, it was probably safe to invite alex into her home. shame. she had to invite alex in. before it was a known fact that alex was always welcomed in the malinda home. amber would just open the door, and they'd be running up the stairs to giggle and laugh about the stupidest things. simple pleasures for simple minds. but now... now things were so different. repairing their friendship wasn't something that was on amber's to do list, but now that alex was here, she'd probably have to squeeze it into her agenda, especially since they'd gotten this far without yelling and screaming. the thing is, fixing it might take more work than she wanted to deal with. they'd have to get comfortable with each other again, and seeing how things have been, that may not be easy. not only that, but they'd have to gain each other's trust again. oh lord. amber was not ready for that. she had other things to worry about, but she was willing to put in the effort anyways, which was why she led alex up to her room - a place that held many memories of their friendship. let's home they could make a new one, and hopefully this one wouldn't be the first bad memory.

the walk up to amber's room was not a long one, yet amber tried to cram as many thoughts into those few seconds as she could. what were they going to do when they got up there? what were they going to talk about? were they just going to sit there, being bored, until someone decided to talk? amber was already stumbling over words with alex, which was strange for her already, and even more strange since it was alex that she was talking to. how long with alex be here? how would amber get her out of her room when things got awkward? she'd have to come up with some sort of excuse or stupid reason for alex to leave, and it would probably be pretty obvious that she was trying to get rid of her. gah. things were so difficult. why couldn't she just... sleep? just chill for a second and think about nothing. dream about whatever the hell her brain wanted her to dream about. dreams would probably be better than what was going on currently. amber just kept on thinking about how things used to be, even though she knew very well that dwelling in the past wasn't a good idea. but how could she stop herself? things were so much easier back then. even if amber had took the time to try to plan out what they were going to do with alex came over, they probably would have ditched the plans. they would have come up with something to do. the instant alex walked through the door, they would have been in another world and they wouldn't have to think about what they were going to do. they would just do it. they would do whatever came to mind. if it was so simple back then, why was she having a hard time just thinking about what she was going to say? time to wing it.

when the two finally arrived in amber's room, which wasn't very long after, amber tried to prevent herself from freaking out. just wing it. that shouldn't be too difficult. amber simply listened as alex began to speak, hoping that it would give her something to go off of. seeing alex made her a bit relieved, since she knew that she wasn't the only one have troubles with this whole situation. "look. i know i've been pretty m.i.a. lately and..well I dunno. i guess I'm here to explain everything?" well. that would give her loads to say. she could have commented on something about alex 'being sick' but she decided otherwise. "it might be a bit of a long story though." that was alright. she was all ears. "i've got a lot of time and... well, no life. let's hear it!" much better. maybe she'd warm up to alex by the time she left. maybe things would go back to normal and they'd act like nothing happened!

if the situation didn't seem so serious, amber would have snorted or scoffed at the thought of everything going back to the way it used to be.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES • ahhhhh! starting to get a teeny bit more excited. xD
LET'S FLAUNT IT • minus the boots, since she's not going anywhereee.
TAGGED • amblex ! omg. i miss them.
SETTING • late saturday afternoon at the malinda estate.
CREDITS • lyrics to ke$ha; format & banner by me.

[Alexandra Suresh]

ALEX SURESH,

- - - - -
THIS CAME LONG BEFORE THOSE WHO SUFFER MORE
I'M TOO AWAKE FOR THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WHATS
with my disgrace i lost the human race
- - - - -

Amber Malinda's bedroom held a lot of amazing memories for Alex. It was definitely way cooler than Alex's room and surprisingly it was a fair bit neater too. Than again Alex had practically been living in her bedroom for the past month or so and therefore it had become a bit of a pigsty. The whole floor was pretty much littered with clothes and random pieces of crap. Mostly clothes though which was unusual. Alex had never had a lot of clothes, or a lot of anything actually. Back in Hinesville with her alcoholic father, she'd never had enough money to buy anything other than the weekly groceries on a Saturday morning with Jackson while her mother rushed off to work. It had been a nice ritual when Alex was younger and got to run down the small isles of the local store, searching for the right loaf of bread and jams and occasionally riding in the trolley when Jackson let her. Alex had never noticed how much her situation was different to others until she got to high school and realised that the other girls somehow managed to have more clothes than her. Sure she'd known her family was a bit different and a little less off but high school only enlightened that. And don't even get me started on once she moved to Valkyrie. Valkyrie was like a whole new world. Sure, she'd come to Valkyrie when she was younger for the summer holidays but Alex had always spent most of the time at the beach and didn't really take in the different lifestyle. As soon as she'd officially moved in once she ran away from Hinesville, the first thing her aunt and Nina did was whisk her off to the mall to buy a whole new wardrobe for herself. And new everything actually. It was like she was given a chance to start afresh and put the past behind her. Not like that had worked though since her dad found her anyway, dragging several years of bad memories along with him.

Still, standing in Amber's bedroom, Alex could almost close her eyes and pretend that the whole drama in the past month had never happened. She could open her eyes and it would just be her and Amber hanging out on a Saturday like they used to do all the time. Simple. Easy. None of the awkwardness that sat in the room right now, taking up every inch of space. But that wasn't going to happen because the awkwardness was there and it was unavoidable and would be unmovable for a while unless Alex began speaking in proper articulate sentences. After stumbling over her first few words, Alex bit her lip and tried to think of where she was going with this exactly. "i've got a lot of time and... well, no life. let's hear it!" At that, Alex couldn't help but give a small smile. "Well I'll go from the very beginning then I guess." Alex said as she moved over and slowly eased herself onto Amber's bed, indicating for Amber to sit down with her. As she sat down she closed her eyes, her fringe falling into her eyes as she did so, to collect her thoughts. "First off, you know how I disappeared? I know you probably, um, already know this but I-I wasn't sick. Not in the illness sense at least. In fact I wasn't even at home or in the state for most of it." Alex gave a dry laugh. "Soooo...It all kind of goes back to why I came to Valkyrie in the first place. But uh, I'll try to give you a short version of this. I don't want to bore you." Alex paused again, glancing at Amber for a second before letting her eyes concentrate on the doona pattern on Amber's bed. This was the first time she was actually telling someone everything that had happened and even eye contact was just too difficult now. As she let her memories flood through her brain again, Alex began talking again, determined to explain her side of the story.

"So this is all because of my dad. He's an alcoholic and he's abusive. He hit my brothers all the time when we were younger but he didn't hit me until Jack and Tim left home. It was just me and Dad 'cause Mum was working all the time and one day he got out of control and hit me. So I came here because I knew Tim was here. I didn't tell Mum because I knew she'd make me come home. Instead I went to VA and met you and Hayden and... I forgot about Dad and life back there." Alex paused again. She seemed to be doing a lot of pausing but she was pretty proud of herself so far. No breakdowns and uncontrollable crying yet. Key word being yet. Licking her lips, Alex continued, her eyes glued to the bed still. "But then Dad found me... He came a few weeks ago. Just showed up on the doorstep demanding I came back to Georgia with him. And I refused because I live here now. So he stayed with us, trying to wear me down every day. That's why I started acting funny around you guys." Alex glanced up at Amber briefly. "I was just constantly scared that I'd come home and he'd be drunk on Uncle Frank's couch. He was sober for most of the time though. And then one night..." Now there was a small lump in Alex's throat. Great. "..one night when we were all sleeping, he came into my room, picked me up and kidnapped me - well I don't know if your own dad can kidnap you but he threw me into his car and drove off. I woke up at seven o'clock on the highway, way out of Valkyrie. He refused to stop except for gas a few times. I tried to make him pull over but he was drunk and he just lashed out." Swallowing the lump in her throat, Alex pulled back her hoodie slightly and revealed a faint bruise next to her lower jawline. "That one's faded more now I think." she murmured, tilting her face slightly to show Amber. She didn't want to scare her but Amber needed to know. Amber needed to know why Alex had pushed her away.

"So that's where I was for the first few days. We drove basically non stop. But then Dad stopped for gas somewhere in Texas and I spotted a pay phone... so when he was paying for gas, I got out and called Tim. And then Dad came out and saw me and he cracked it. At me." Alex ducked her head down as her voice cracked too. "He shoved me against the phone box and I hit my head and got knocked out. Then the scumbag panicked and drove off." The young junior half whispered the last bit, trying not to cry while was ridiculously hard. Even now she felt a tear slip down her cheek and paused for a moment. "Did you wonder why I always wear hats and headbands now? Uh well, more than I used to?" Alex slowly pushed back her hoodie until it was completely off. After fumbling for a moment, she found the dark scar on the back of her head, still clearly visible under her hair. She turned around and showed Amber, fighting back tears. "A random couple found me a few minutes after and drove me to a hospital and then I was transferred to the Valkyrie hospital for a bit until they thought I was fine. Well physically at least. So I went back to school and- when I saw you and Hayden demanding to know what had happened, I- I realised I couldn't go through it all over again when I could barely comprehend it myself. And you, uh, well you know the rest." As Alex's words came out in broken sentences and she gave a shuddering sight, attempting to compose herself as she finally looked up at Amber properly.

"So that's basically it. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier but I just couldn't. I couldn't relive it when I was awake when I'm already getting enough nightmares. But I um, I just needed you to know. I realised I couldn't keep doing this. And I'm sorry if I screwed everything up forever." Alex bit her lip hard as more tears spilt over her cheeks and she wiped at them furiously, trying not to look pathetic in front of Amber as she waited for the brunette to say something. Anything. Anything to indicate that there might be hope for their friendship.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; amber malinda !
TIME/PLACE; malinda house / late afternoon, saturday
CREDITS; format inspired by v-siders. lyrics by sum 41. banner by JOECAT at caution.
OUTFIT; tada (:
NOTES; gaaack ridiculously long but i figured alex should explain it all.

- - - - -

[Amber Malinda]

what was she supposed to suspect? alex and amber were on bad terms, yet here they both were. together. in the same room. instead of insulting each other, they were...apologizing? that made absolutely no sense. a simple sorry wasn't gong to last long, but it could become the base for something more. something that would lead to an actual solution to their problems, because as sincere as their apology may have been, let's be real; it consisted of only a few words, and things were still incredibly awkward with the two. amber still wasn't sure what was going on with her mind, and why she was allowing alex, someone who caused her so much pain and frustration, to come up to her room as if nothing had happened. what in the world were they going to do? have a last minute sleepover? yeah, right. because they were totally best friends again. it would totally be normal for them to laugh about the craziest things and do whatever they wanted without being looked at oddly. with these sort of thoughts running through her mind, amber was so sure that she had to get alex suresh out of here. not to be rude, but she'd rather do that then let things get even more awkward and weird between them. however, she still wanted that friend. that bond that they once had, even if it may be broken and then halfway taped up, amber was attached to it. she didn't want to let it go.

it's not like you could really blame her. although alex and amber may have not gone through a lot together, since they were the kind of friends that clicked right away versus the ones that needed time for their friendship to grow, they did go through something together. yes, they had so many memories of laughing and hanging out with each other, but how about the day they met? the school shooting; a tragedy that brought them together, despite the grade difference. they were different, but so similar at the same time, which was a perfect combination. alex's guitar had attracted amber's attention, and that was all it took. a tragedy had brought them together, but now that their friendship was broken, would they need another one to bring them together again? was it worth it? amber wanted to say yes, but something held her back. there was always something that disagreed with another part of her mind. she wanted alex to go, yet she wanted her to stay. amber wasn't sure if their friendship was worth working for, yet at the same time she was so sure. amber was aware of the fact that she was an incredibly indecisive girl, and of course, she hated it. it just made things more difficult then they had to be, and it just made her more frustrated, which didn't contribute to anything beneficial at times like these. couldn't her brain just give her the answer one day? just give her a solution without second guessing, and preferably for something that mattered instead of what she should get for lunch. then again, amber would take what she could get.

when alex had started speaking, amber mentally prepared herself for basically anything but nothing. she wanted to be ready for whatever alex had to say, but she didn't know what to expect. amber was determined to be a good listener, almost like she was a little kindergarten student. "....I know you probably, um, already know this but I-I wasn't sick." amber couldn't help but smirk as she heard that. of course, she knew alex was sick. people didn't just disappear with absolutely no contact whatsoever just because they were sick. they would have given some sort of notice, if they cared. that was most likely what amber had been so worried, and then so pissed off when she saw that alex had come back and looked perfectly fine. okay, maybe not perfect, but she didn't look like she had been stranded on a island or living in a sewer, so that qualified as 'fine'. she may have gone with a new look, hair wise, but that didn't mean anything to amber. all she had felt was anger, but hey - she was finally going to find out the truth. it was about time anyways. "But uh, I'll try to give you a short version of this. I don't want to bore you." as if she had something better to do. "like i said earlier, no life. i would have been bored anyways, so don't worry about me." her words came out reassuringly, which shocked amber a bit, considering how she didn't realize she was in a comforting, reassuring mood. it didn't really matter anyways, since in the end, amber just assumed her instincts were to say that just because she was so curious as to what happened. whether she was concerned or just nosy was unknown, but one thing was for sure; amber's mood lifted just a teeny bit knowing that alex still trusted her enough to tell her what had been going on with her during her disappearance.

holy crap. those were the first words that popped in amber's head when she heard alex say that her father was alcoholic and abusive. already she had felt bad for being so cruel to her previous best friend, because she was so sure that alex's father had something to do with how distant she had been. in that moment, especially that pause, amber couldn't help but feel like a terrible friend. "that's why I started acting funny around you guys." explanation number one. "..one night when we were all sleeping, he came into my room, picked me up and kidnapped me -" explanation number two. it hurt amber knowing that she had been such a shitty best friend. how could she have acted so stupid? she hadn't known the whole story. she hadn't know why alex had 'ditched' her, yet she falsely assumed that it was nothing of much importance. this was karma. she deserved to feel shitty. and when alex showed amber the bruise, what could she do? what could she do except stay there, mouth wide open, in shock. "he shoved me against the phone box and I hit my head and got knocked out. Then the scumbag panicked and drove off." no. this had to be some kind of joke. alex had to shout, "just kidding!" and then amber would get fucking pissed at her and they'd be on bad terms again. this couldn't be the truth. no. no. no. seeing alex struggle to stop tears only made amber have to do the same. she couldn't do anything though. she felt so paralyzed. what the hell was she supposed to do? as alex showed amber the worst scar, and finished, amber couldn't help but let her eyes water. this was reality. this was what happened. and she hadn't known, yet she had been so bad to her.

as alex finished off, amber simply tried to keep her composure. breathe. she had no clue what to do, but she couldn't think, so amber simply followed her instincts. amber basically just grabbed alex and hugged her tightly. she had no words, but she needed to hug her. she needed to reassure her that everything would be alright, but she couldn't. when amber finally found her words, she spoke, never letting go of alex, not caring if she was suffocating her or not. "don't you dare feel sorry. you have no reason to be sorry. you had no control over what happened; it was all bad luck. i'm the one who needs to apologize." amber still was unsure as of why she had tears, but figured that she'd understand when she gained some more control over herself. with that in her mind, she continued. "i... i'm sorry. i know i said that already, but... sorry doesn't even mean anything. i'm beyond sorry. i don't even... i was such a shitty friend. i was supposed to take you back. i was supposed to be there for you, even if i didn't know what was going on. and yet. i just... i just acted like a bitch." amber sighed for a split second and let go of alex to look her in the eye as she said, "i can't really go back and change everything i did wrong, but i can tell you now that i love you, i'm sorry, and that i'll always be there for you from now on." she paused before hugging alex once again. "don't ever let me be such a crappy friend ever again." she muttered.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOTES • so i thought that i was going to struggle with this post, but i had such an abundant amount of amber muse that i wasn't even aware of. xD
LET'S FLAUNT IT • minus the boots, since she's not going anywhereee.
TAGGED • amblex ! omg. i miss them.
SETTING • late saturday afternoon at the malinda estate.
CREDITS • lyrics to ke$ha; format & banner by me.