the world without you ,*

[samantha]

it was official. the world hated her. life hated her.

more time. that's what she needed. more time. more time to figure out how she was going to do this. more time to figure out how. winging it was never a good idea with her. she needed to be organized, but her mind was too complicated to even think about thinking. why? she had just moved to valkyrie. she had just moved her. it seemed so recent. she didn't want to move away again. she didn't want to leave the only person who truly understood her. the only person that saw her as more than just another girl in the crowd. why was she leaving the perfect person? she was leaving her other half. she was leaving her happiness and love behind. everything she thought of was repetitive. everything she thought of made no sense. it was all just a bunch of gibberish, and all she wanted to do was cry. this couldn't be happening. this just couldn't be. no. just no. no. no. no. no. not now. someone wake her up from this nightmare. her life was starting to be picture perfect. it couldn't suddenly be taken away from her. no. not this easily. but she had no choice. she had no say in this decision. she was forced to go along with it.


samantha malinda was going insane.

what was going on? sam's parents were so picky; if things didn't look right or they didn't adjust easily enough, they could just do whatever? did they even care about their daughters? samantha wasn't rebellious to really argue with her parents, but she didn't have the energy to do it anymore. she had just been told yesterday that she would be moving back to her old home, for reasons that she didn't hear, due to her quick escape from the dinner table. it was already difficult enough to have a long distance relationship with paolo, her one true love, but she was going to move further? her parents didn't want her in the dorms, and they wouldn't even consider letting her take a trip down to l.a. every now and then. moving any further would be too much of a problem for paolo, and her parents surely wouldn't approve anyways. didn't they understand that she was in love? obviously not - in their minds, she was too young anyways, and this was just another high school sweetheart. if sam knew that she had a chance, she would try to prove them wrong, but once her father decided something, her step-mother would agree, and that was that.

in a way, it was convenient for her, because paolo giovanni was in town this day, but then again, when was it ever convenient breaking up with someone you love? it just meant that she had no time left to cherish with him, but at least she was able to do it in person. at least she wasn't doing this through technology; that would have just been harsh. as she stared up at the ceiling on her bed, samantha waited, as the phone rang. the same sound repeated, and she wanted paolo to pick up, but at the same time, she didn't. her indecisive head was starting to get on her nerves, but her worries overlayed them. when he finally picked up, sam tried to keep it simple and sweet. she sniffed before saying, "paolo..." she winced at her nasally voice. he shouldn't get the idea that she had just cried. "um. can you meet me at the pier real quick? i need to ... talk. .. to you. bye. " after hanging up immediately, sam silently scolded herself for making it so obvious, but she was afraid he would ask what was wrong on the phone, and she didn't want to end things that way.

without a care about whether she looked like crap or not, samantha quickly got ready and made her way to the pier. usually she would have told someone where she was going, but with so much going through her head, she simply left with the intention of getting to the pier. how long did it take? she didn't know. but she did know that the drive felt longer than it usually did. once she arrived... well, what was there to say? she felt a little lightheaded as she made her way to the pier, realizing that she never told paolo where to meet her on the pier. sam chose a random spot with no one around, and simply just looked out to the ocean. the sun had just finished setting, and oh how she wished she would have paid more attention to that. her emotions were taking over, and as much as she wanted to fight it, sam couldn't. there was too much. as her eyes watched the waves crash onto the shore, sam vowed that she wouldn't cry. she vowed that she would remain strong and cherish these last moments.

and that thought alone made her tear up.

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NOTES • eh, idk how i feel about this post.
LET'S FLAUNT IT • clickk.
TAGGED • final saolo thread. D;
SETTING • the pier , afternoon, saturday, october 20th, 2007.
CREDITS • lyrics to because of you by after school; format & banner by me.

[Paolo Giovanni]

( PAOLO GABRIELE GIOVANNI. )


( NEVER THOUGHT THAT WE COULD BREAK )
( FALL APART, FADE AWAY, IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS? )

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----WHEN HE WAS DRIVING BACK TO VALKYRIE after his friday classes, something didn't feel right. paolo giovanni almost felt like he should turn back and go back to his dorm for the weekend. him and his roommate didn't exactly get along, but he could probably get some things done. papers, assignments, essays. not that he was a procrastinator, because his parents wouldn't allow it. but getting stuff done early never hurt, especially with his strenuous schedule. so far, being at ucla felt like a good thing. he was always a smart one, so the classes were challenging in the good way. however, paolo had always been one of the weird ones. he actually liked going to school. even if college was suppose to be this fun thing with wild frat parties and trying to avoid the freshmen fifteen. however, the second part of his life started when his last class of the day finished. after paolo finally committed to living a life in fear, his father wasted no time. you could say paolo was interning. he was mostly put under the direction of his cousin luca, and his older brother, alberto jr. as of late, luca had been coming back to los angeles less and less do to his fiancee or whatever. who paolo was with depended on what city he was in. alberto had been doing a lot of business in africa lately, so paolo was with another cousin while he was in la. when he came back to valkyrie (which was often on the weekends) luca would teach him.

he hadn't killed anyone yet. his father hadn't had him do anything as serious yet. paolo had been counting. he's been on the job for six months now. he had learned a lot. fausto made jokes he learned about the mob as fast as he learned in school. though the death of his sister in april defined his judgment call in joining the family, sitting in his dorm room with a roommate that was scared of him made paolo ponder if he was doing the right thing. how many times was he going to go to jail? get shot at? get hurt? the giovannis were all on edge as it was with the irish settling down in valkyrie. but paolo had a feeling his first official job was going end up being against them. 'official job' meaning having to do with the gun paolo had to keep on him at all times. he had shot it, yes. just not at a person. he had been doing a lot of money collections. some with luca, some by himself. the giovannis' wealth came a lot from their gambling and racketeering business. the only good thing about the irish, according to fausto, they can bump up protection rates on the businesses they protect.

whenever he picked up the gun, he always remembered the time he almost killed someone. it was back in feburary, so, almost a year ago. it was the first realization of how angry paolo could get and what he was capable with this anger. but right when he was about to pull the trigger, he stopped. he hated the guy because he shot sam and almost killed her. he should die. he could have killed her. but faced with the opportunity to kill someone else and have their whole life in your hand made him stop. he couldn't do it. arm raised, gun cocked, and pointing straight at him, paolo couldn't pull the trigger. which caused alberto to pull out his own and shoot the guy. without hesitation, without second thought, and without looking back. would paolo just not think about peoples' lives after time? he didn't know how many people his brother killed, or even his father for that matter. would it just get easier the more and more times you did it?

"is something on your mind, honey?" paolo looked up as his mom, annora, entered the kitchen. it was kind of funny that all of fausto's kids were half irish. coming from an irish mother, but you never would have guessed it if you just looked at all the dark-haired children with their italian flair radiating off of them. even his mother's appearance looked more italian than it did irish, and her irish accent wasn't as vibrant as paolo remembered growing up. it had faded over years of being in the states and being around italians ll the time. paolo shrugged. he was sitting in one of the chairs around the island counter. he was back home for the weekend. of course. luca was suppose to call him if he needed him, or later tonight, paolo would have to swing by the studio. paolo shook his head and then shrugged on a second thought. "just a lot going on. that's all." annora nodded. his mother knew he had converted towards the family, but never once mentioned it to him. paolo would guess it was just hard for her. all she had was sons left. alberto, who was head-deep in the business and constantino who was counting down the days till his 18th birthday. then, there was paolo, who had always been adamant on living his own life and not wanting to get in trouble. then, it all changed and he became just like the rest of them. "you're still doing well in school?" she decided to say and paolo just smiled. "of course."

with that, his phone started ringing. and from what luca told him, he was to always answer his phone whether you were talking to someone or taking a shit. answer it. paolo pulled it out and looked at the caller i.d. "who is it?" annora asked. "it's sam." he said and flipped the phone open. "hey." he greeted her but got quiet when she started talking. "um. can you meet me at the pier real quick? i need to ... talk. .. to you. bye. " well, conversations that started like that generally never ended that well. "yeah sure. i'm leaving now." he hung up when she did and he sat there for a second, putting the phone back into his pocket. "is everything alright?" paolo and frowned and looked at his mother. "i think... i think we're going to break up." he pushed the chair out and stood up. his mother's face dropped and looked concerned and confused, "what? just now?" she walked around the counter as paolo shook his head. "no, not now. i got to go. i'll... be back later." paolo bent over and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and exited out to the garage where he got into one of the gio's cars and started to head down to the pier.

when paolo got down there, the sun had already set and was starting to disappear beneath the ocean's horizon. it was kind of ironic. them meeting here. paolo took her out on the giovanni boat before he took off for college. same setting, very different situation. he pulled his jacket tighter around him and shoved his hands int he pockets. it took only a few moments to spot her sitting by herself on one of the benches. he almost didn't want to go over there. he just wanted to stand here and watch her from far away. not in a creeper way, but he wanted to remember her like this. he didn't want it to be ruined. paolo approached her slowly. "sam," he said and sat down next to her. "you wanted to talk?" that even sounded retarded. even just saying it put it all in perspective of where this conversation was about to go.

______________

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STATUS, complete
CRED, format/graphics to me. lyrics, 'losing you' - otto's daughter
LOCATION & TIME, pier, october 20, 2007
CLOTHES, here
TAGGED, sam
I SAY, saolo! </3
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[samantha]

breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out. slowly. but not too slow. don't want to suffocate over here. repeat. breathe in. breathe out. oh god, it was like she was giving birth or something. for the record, there would be no giving birth related to samantha malinda at the moment, but holy crap. she was freaking the hell out. what was she going to do? think, think, think. just think. stop freaking out. just breathe. breathe. breathe. just. don't. think. about. the bad part. but wait, everything was bad. everything was terrible. no. not the tears. no. go away. shoo. now was not a good time for you to come around. tears, tears, go away. come back some other day. oh second thought, don't, because nobody wants you. no. that wasn't an invitation to pour down even more. stop. stop. stop. ohgod. breathe in. don't get to the point where you need to gasp for air. calmly inhale. calmly exhale. that's all. see? easy peasy, lemon squeasy.

her mind refused to function. no matter what sam did, her mind was a broken record. the same things kept repeating in her mind, and it would continue to do so unless something got in the way. what would that 'something' be, though? damn you, inertia. she didn't want to stand there and wait for an unknown something to get in the way before she could think properly. it had to happen now, before paolo came. sam may not be able to take control of the entire situation, but she would have to just try to calm her heart down for just a few seconds. okay. when paolo arrived, she would calmly tell them that she was moving, and that a longer distance without benefit either of them. and how in their lives they would encounter love many times before they found the right person, and that the idea of a high school sweetheart was cliche, and they were most likely never going to be together forever. it just wasn't realistic. yes, she would tell him all of that, despite the fact that sam felt as if they were all lies. paolo was the right one. paolo was the high school sweetheart that she wouldn't mind spending the rest of her life with. paolo was the one. the only one. and she was about to throw true love away. smart girl. now if only she could have studied for this. if only it was like school, and she could just make flashcards and practice. if only she cou-

crap. she knew that voice.

hearing paolo's voice made her flinch, due to her lack of preparation. did he know what was coming? a part of her figured not, considering how lately, they hadn't really had problems or anything that would lead him to think that this relationship wasn't working out. if anything, it was picture perfect. you know, minus the whole 'italian mafia' thing, but that was almost old news to her now. then there was the other half of her. the part that knew very well, that paolo knew her very well. that he would be able to sense her emotions and predict what would happen. almost like a psychic. like he could see the future and read her mind, just from hearing her voice or seeing her body language. but come on. he was no psychic. how was he supposed to know how she felt? how was he supposed to know that she was about to break up with him? he didn't have magical, superhuman powers. he wasn't some alien from out of space. he was just the love of her life. no biggie. it's not like she was about to leave all her happiness with him. ... oh wait.

the silence pierced the air and lasted hours; at least in sam's mind it did. even after paolo had spoken, she still couldn't figure out what to say. this was too difficult for her. all she could think about was the memories they had. the day they had met because she had bumped into him. all of the time they spent with each other. the obstacles they had faced together; like that day she got shot. just the thought of it sent chills up and down her back. now was not the time to think about that. everything that led to how he told her he loved her. and now, this very moment would join those memories, and she was pretty sure that she wasn't ready for that. slowly, sam opened her lips and muttered, "i-..." but stopped immediately when she heard the pain her voice. be strong. she needed to be strong. imagine what he was thinking at the moment. paolo was the victim here, not sam. then why did it hurt so much for her? she was going to be the whole cause for the hurt, not him. how paolo would take her words was unknown to her, to be honest. what she did know was that it would hurt herself. he'd probably get over it quickly. find some other girl that wouldn't dispose of him the way she was going to do now. and sam would be far away, spending the rest of her life with...cats?

finally, sam decided to just rip off this bandage. "i'mmovingandidon'tthinkwecandothisanymore." her words were low, but audible. her eyes looked at the ground as she bit her lower lip, trying to hold in all the tears possible. what had she done? she was a bitch. he didn't deserve this. she didn't deserve him. sam had always told paolo that she didn't deserve him. he never listened to her, but this would definitely have to be the winning evidence. unfortunately, this was one case that she didn't want to win. all of a sudden, a strange urge overcame her and she threw her arms around paolo's neck and hugged him tightly. "i ... bon't wanf ... to leab you." oh god. she couldn't speak. everytime she took a breathe between words, it sounded like she was gasping for air, because honestly, that was what sam was doing. this was too much for her, and once the tears started, they wouldn't stop. she couldn't control the tears, and didn't give a damn if he didn't understand a word she said. sam didn't care if he thought of her as a freak for breaking down, or if she ended up getting all her tears on his clothes. she didn't care anymore. this would probably be one of the last times she'd ever see paolo, and she wanted to remember everything.

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NOTES • blah.
LET'S FLAUNT IT • clickk.
TAGGED • final saolo thread. D;
SETTING • the pier , afternoon, saturday, october 20th, 2007.
CREDITS • lyrics to because of you by after school; format & banner by me.

[Paolo Giovanni]

----THE SPECIAL KIND OF LOVE THAT sam and paolo shared was what the giovannis always searched for. young love that, lucky for these italians, had yet to end in divorce. all of paolo's aunts and uncles married very young. even his own parents did. they were all lucky and time had definitely changed over the past twenty years. paolo had known the odds were against them. high school sweet hearts were a rare form of everlasting love and marriage. they didn't care, they were different. they were tied together not only physically but they were tied together by their souls. he felt it, and he knew sam did too. that's why this conversation was going to be so hard. they were truly meant to be together. fate just might not be with them at the moment. maybe the timing wasn't right. either it was too soon or something.

paolo knew that people at the academy, their friends, all of them had their odds against them. they had every right to. society's statistics were against them, too. it was just those chances of them making it through. though, at the time, his proposal at bailey mitchell's birthday party was a joke, it was kind of a milestone for the two's relationship. it was like they got deeper, more connected, more like a couple versus a high school relationship. they got through infidelity, injuries, and secrets that kept piling up. paolo blamed himself for... well, all of it, and he knew she was just too good for him and his increasingly crazy lifestyle. though he loved sam with his entire heart and believed that they were soulmates, he wouldn't wish on her to have to live this kind of life. he saw his mother go through it everyday. the stress of having a criminal for a husband. annora was constantly worried about just one phone call could be someone saying fausto was in jail, in the hospital, or just flat-out dead. his mother worried all the time. fausto said he'd be home by dinner time, he didn't drag himself in until midnight. when he left, she always worried if something was going to happen. annora got better over the years, but paolo could see she always had her worries in the back of her mind, that unsettling feeling her her stomach as she wondered if this was the last time she'd see her husband alive. wives of mobsters had it the worst in paolo's opinion.

it wasn't cold out, but paolo found himself wrapping his jacket tighter around him. as they sat there, it almost made a chill arise in the air around them. he waited for her to speak. after all, she did call him here. paolo wasn't those type of guys that knew they were going to get dumped but would break up with the girl first. no way, paolo would take it like a man. if he got dumped, he got dumped. he just sort of thought it might be less heart-breaking if she did it versus him. look at him, in his mind, he was already going over the break up. if she wasn't breaking up with him, she didn't know why she brought him here. she started speaking with a meek "i" but she stopped again. paolo trained his eyes on the pier's wooden planks as he brought a hand up to her shoulder and squeezed it as if to encourage her to continue. after a few moments, she slurred out something that sounded like it was really one long word but he was able to catch the 'i'm moving' and 'i don't think we can do this anymore' part. "oh," he managed to say. damn that stupid quality of being able to keep everything at bay. he blamed his father's side of the family for that one. "where are you moving to?" he asked. so she was only breaking up with him because of she was moving and not of the growing wall between them as paolo continued to lie about the growing involvement with his family.

it hit him when sam literally flung herself around him. her hands grasped tightly around his neck and her head burrowed in the crook of his neck. he couldn't help but wrap his arms around her, rubbing her back. she mumbled something about not wanting to leave him into his jacket and all he could do was tighten his hold around her. "it's ok," he attempted saying in a soothing tone, but really, it wasn't ok so, he didn't know why he was saying it. he would rather break up over a circumstance like moving than they just didn't get along or love each other. "sam," he stated and brought his hands up around her face and pulled her away from his some he could see her. "i love you, i really do, but maybe this is a sign." his arms dropped from her face and he grabbed her hand with one of his. he brought it to his lips and kissed the top of it before putting both their hands on her lap. "maybe... this is a way of telling us that before we can truly be together we need to go down a different path in life. become who we should be. i know i'm not deserving right now, sam."

[/b] he turned his head towards her and kissed her temple. "we need to appreciate ourselves before we can appreciate each other." paolo was surprised how under control his voice was even though he was really breaking on the inside. he didn't want to let go of her hand. ultimately, he didn't want to let go of her.

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STATUS, complete CRED, format/graphics to me. lyrics, 'losing you' - otto's daughter LOCATION & TIME, pier, october 20, 2007 CLOTHES, here TAGGED, sam I SAY, sorry this thread is so late. >.< the face issue was killing me.
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[Min-Sook Park]

when sam came to valkyrie, she didn't have many unusual expectations or goals. her plans were the same no matter where she lived, and that would be to do well in school, get into a wonderful college, and figure out what she wanted to do with her life. although sam was able to do well at school at the academy and had started to find a love for astronomy, but an unplanned paolo came along and made her life soar to the skies. how could a single person make her feel so loved? how could someone make her feel like she meant something and was more than just a face in the crowd? sam had never been a social girl, and you needed more than just great grades to get into college (she was never sure of how she was going to make up for that, to be honest), yet with paolo, she felt known. whether that was a positive or negative thing was still undecided for her, but people knew her name, and even if she wasn't as popular as... let's say the new or old trio, people knew her name, and that would keep her satisfied for longer than you would think. she didn't need or want to be the 'queen bee', and honestly, that probably wasn't possible for her, but some recognition always made her happy.

with paolo giovanni, samantha malinda meant something. not to the world, but to herself. although her insecurity was still inside of her, her confidence increased a smidge or so, probably from all the times he had made her blush with his compliments that probably weren't true. beautiful? nah. or maybe from all the times he had told her that he didn't deserve her, when it was more like the other way around. he was the one every girl wanted; a romantic, charming gentleman. she was just a bookworm who needed to take some sort of speech class and stop putting herself down. she needed to stop sounding so... slow when she spoke just because she was shy and needed to get rid of her insecurity. who wanted that? no one. no one but paolo giovanni, and that was exactly why she was the one who had made sure she hadn't done anything wrong to lose him. there had been some troubles during their relationship, but it was never nothing they couldn't get over. they overcame obstacles together and what mattered most was that, they both truly loved each other, and that's not something that everyone could honestly say. when she was finally happy with everything she had, sam had to give it up. that made no fucking sense. why did she have to give up all her joy? why couldn't she just live in the damn dorms? her parents decided to care now? she was so certain her dad should have never met paolo at the barbeque or whatever it was some time back. he never approved of anyone.

now here she was, crying. how pathetic! as if this was making it easier for paolo. now she didn't really know how truly important this relationship was to him, but if it were anywhere near as important as sam, crying on him wouldn't make him feel any better. she felt so stupid, but what could she do? she couldn't control her emotions; she never was able to. so much was going through her mind that sam wasn't exactly sure how he had responded to her, but she did hear, "where are you moving to?" somehow, she couldn't tell him, because that just made it even more real. it just made her realize that this was actually happening, and even if she wanted to say it, she'd have to catch her breath first, and clear her mind as well. after some seconds, minutes, or hours passed (her mind wasn't capable of estimating time periods at the moment), sam had managed to mumble, "o.c." see? two letters. that wasn't hard, wasn't it? ahah, just kidding. that was more difficult to say than it should have been. "it's ok," how could he say that? "nonono. no. it's not. it's far from ok." ... she couldn't say, "o.c." but she could say that? samantha malinda could be a strange one sometimes, but this wasn't exactly a situation that she was usually in. this was definitely not something she dealt with everyday of her life.

after hearing her name from his lips, sam managed to calm down a bit, and let's just say the kisses he gave helped as well. still, as he spoke, she couldn't help but wonder what he meant by a sign, but listened when he started to explain. although she listened closely to his words and processed them correctly (hey look, her brain was functioning again), sam still had so many things to say, yet she remained speechless. she didn't want to go down a different path in life. samantha malinda didn't give a damn about any signs that life may be giving her, yet she had no choice but to obey. she was fully aware of the fact that she would probably have to get back home soon, but she didn't want to go. she had said it earlier; she didn't want to 'leab' him. "paolo giovanni, i just want to be with you forever." she said with a sigh, her eyes on the ground, slightly embarrassed by her honesty. with those few words, she got closer to him, laid her head on his shoulder and her eyes looked out to the ocean. couldn't she just stay like this forever? just frozen in this moment for as long as she could.

where was a damn twix bar when you needed one?

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NOTES • D;
LET'S FLAUNT IT • clickk.
TAGGED • final saolo thread. D;
SETTING • the pier , afternoon, saturday, october 20th, 2007.
CREDITS • lyrics to because of you by after school; format & banner by me.