--- there is no cure

[Magdelena "Maggie" Corinthos]

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, CASINO, DECEMBER 2007

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-----maggie didn't want to admit it, especially aloud, but after that night during the snow storm she hadn't been able to get the what ifs out of her mind. if what ifs were what they should have been called. some were actual what ifs, like "what if they'd actually gone through with it" but everything that came after that were just flashes of possibilities. for some reason she didn't doubt whatsoever whether or not it would have been good sex. luca and maggie were like gasoline and matches laying on a bed of fireworks. there was no doubt in her mind that had a match finally struck and made a spark that everything would have been bright lights and big explosions. it would have been the fantastic, and awe inspiring sex that came with the phrase "holy jesus" by the end of the night. the kind of thing that, had it been heard through the paper thin walls of that crappy motel, would have made the entire building green with envy. oh yeah there was no arguments about that. maggie knew that it would have been one of those religious moments had luca not said no and put a stopper in the drain to what could be eternal satisfaction. but then luca had put a stop to it. was it because he'd considered the what ifs as well. because after a dramatic, eyes rolling in the back of your head kind of romp in the sheets, did he think he'd regret it? ever since luca had stopped them, maggie had been wondering what went through his mind. was it methodical? intentional? was he trying to drive her mad? putting a stop to what they were doing when maggie was drunk and there was a four year old sleeping not but a few feet away, that just a natural response. god forbid rocco had woken up in the middle of that, but that night luca and maggie had both been stone cold sober, willing, and most of all consenting and nothing had happened. it got maggie to wondering if luca didn't just like firing her up. like he wanted to make her miserable. after all he'd been the one to kiss her first. he'd been the one to initiate unlike when maggie had been drunk and she'd just kissed him. that had all been on luca and where had it gotten them? one really tense night of trying to sleep, that's where it had gotten them.

-----after a night like tonight, when the adrenaline pumped through your veins and made a person irrational, that seemed like a good enough of an excuse for maggie, but she couldn't help thinking that when the adrenaline high died down and luca realized what he was doing, that he would once again put on the brakes and they would be stuck in yet another tense moment that was going absolutely no where. it was pretty incredible that all of this was going through her head as they kissed there on that bed. who knew that she could manage rational though when she was doing so many irrational things? well the incredible thing, in maggie's mind, was that she hadn't said fuck it already and just turned off her feelings toward him. ha, as if it was that easy. maybe it wasn't so easy, but maggie could have done it if she'd wanted to. she should have done so after that night in the hotel but for some strange reason maggie wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. yes he'd faltered and left her unsatisfied one night but maybe that was just something going on in his head. he had to have wanted her otherwise they wouldn't have gotten as far along as they had. but at the same time there had been something there that had made him stop and had made him push her away. there was something going on in luca's head that wouldn't allow him to be with her. who's to say that little voice wouldn't pop up again here and now to put out yet another fire that they'd started. maggie wanted to believe that it wasn't possible. she wanted to believe that luca did in fact want her but the truth of the matter was that the more he rejected her, the more he hurt her, and the more she was closing herself off to him. a girl could only take so much rejection and over their short span of a "relationship" that had happened more times than she liked to count. take for instance their first meeting. he'd thought her a hooker and dismissed her like she was nothing. sure that may not count because they hadn't even been assigned to one another as partners at the time, but for maggie everything after first meeting counted. after that was the first kiss where luca had just taken control, mashing his lips against hers, and then tossed her aside like some rag doll telling her to just leave. then there was the drunken mishap where he put a stop to things, which maggie could understand, but the morning after when he'd realized maggie still remembered everything he'd taunted her while rocco had been in the bathroom. add to that the almost-night in the hotel and maggie now had a lot to go on.

-----she could only take so much rejection from a person that wasn't family. after all her father had practically filled up that rejection meter to the point of capacity before maggie had even met luca. she didn't like to consider herself insecure by any means, but damn it this was starting to turn into a long line of men who wanted no part of her, both literally and figuratively. what was she supposed to think at this point? it was almost no question that her father had damaged her. the bastard loved to screw with her mind, giving her an inch of power only to tear it away from her and toss her back a step or two. take for example, her whole reason for being in valkyrie in the first place. she hadn't been here for some alliance with the giovannis. she'd been sent to valkyrie because she was the only one of his children who was an official american citizen and the only child who could do his dealings better than even he could. she'd been sent to valkyrie to route shipments, take ports, and do anything she needed to do to widen her father's "empire." only that hadn't been how things went down. sure maggie had gotten right to work. she'd done everything her father had asked her to do and more. then by the time she'd finally gotten settled, juan corinthos sr had mixed her up with a mob organization in the hopes that they would be business associates. that had never been the plan. she'd simply been used and discarded by her father yet again. he'd used her to set up base for him in valkyrie and discarded her into some sham of an arranged marriage. originally maggie had felt bad for luca. no innocent person, and i use that as a relative term, should have gotten tied up in the mess that maggie and her father made on a daily basis. though now, as she'd gotten to thinking, maggie wasn't as sorry as she'd originally been. the more luca pushed her, the more maggie felt like luca deserved everything he had coming to him.

-----it was amazing that she could even form a mental sentence with what was going on right now. she wanted to just get lost in it, in him, but the louder her mind became, the more she knew this wasn't going to happen. it wasn't a payback thing, it was more of a fear of another rejection, though maggie would never say it aloud even to luca. hell, especially to luca. she tried losing herself in him and almost had as he spoke to her, pushing her hair away from her face and telling her she was beautiful. those kind of words should have melted her and to an extent they did, just not enough to make her body go through with it. it didn't even feel wrong. everything felt right except for that nagging voice in the back of her head that began to scream "HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT YOU. HE'LL JUST PUSH YOU AWAY!!" he kissed him, giving him her all in the hopes that she could just shut that stupid little voice up. she even chuckled as he picked her up, walking her over to the wall and knocking over a vase in the process. she was there in every way she needed to be. all except for that one, god forsaken voice. she felt his hands against her bare skin, reaching for the hem of her shirt to tug it up over her head. instead of helping him though, maggie fought with his hands until they stilled, pulling away from his mouth, her brow furrowed and angry. "damn it." she cursed under her breath, panting. she leaned her head on luca's shoulder for a minute, making it brief so that she could fix his confusion faster. she needed to get this over with, bring on the anger, so that it could just be over and done with. like ripping off a band aid. you don't go slow and steady, you rip as fast and you can. this was ripping fast. "i can't do this." maggie ran her tongue briskly over her top lip, still able to taste him as she did so. she released his hands, put them back by his side and squeezed past him, away from the wall and further into the room. "i can't have you say no again." this she whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear.

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status • finished
words • 1880
tagged • laggie !
clothes • new outfit !
listening to • -- - --.
notes • my god i missed them *huggles laggie*

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[Luca Giovanni]

----THIS HAD TO HAPPEN, RIGHT?. he was beyond the point of no return. there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he was doing the wrong thing. in fact, the fact that he was notorious for stopping hadn't even crossed through his head. all he could think of was being with maggie for the night. it sounded cheesy, but he didn't even care. who would have guessed over the course of a couple months he could go from absolutely hating her to wanting her? she roughed him up that first night. his guard was down. how seriously would you take a girl in her underwear and a trench coat? so, maggie almost broke his nose, his back killed the next morning, and of course his ego had been majorly bruised. he hated how much they fought, but at the same time, he loved pushing her buttons. he wanted to see how far he could go before she started throwing the dishes at his head. that type of relationship was so dangerous.

nothing felt different tonight. it felt the same as any other time they decided to get hot and heavy. just completely sucked into the moment, getting it out of their systems; whatever had been building up in themselves like boiling water. eventually, he'd stop it. saying she was drunk, or that he won't do it right now. yeah, those were his excuses in the past. every time it was because he just couldn't go through with it. he had started to think about it, and his brain made his body shut down and push her away. well, right now, luca was fully aware that his brain was functioning, but he didn't even think to stop. maybe it was because he didn't want to stop. luca wanted to pull her clothes off, he wanted to throw her on the bed. he wanted to sleep with her. like any guy, the idea of sleeping with maggie had crossed his mind... a lot. even when they hated each other, the idea of messing her hair up had crossed his mind a few times. and he had definitely thought of the night at his loft when, in her drunken stupor, she had come on to him. if rocco hadn't been there, luca wondered what would have happened if they continued? he probably wouldn't have been to proud of himself the next morning. he didn't do drunk girls. or, at least when he was stark sober. that just wasn't fun. and what about that dingy hotel? what was so bad with thinking what would have happened if he had undid her bra. she basically told him to do it. translation: let's have sex. but again, he said no.

luca now had her in his grasps. he had he against a wall. they had nearly died that night and here they were back in their five star hotel room riding on their adrenaline high. it was a great feeling. just kissing her lips, her face, her neck. she was gripping on to him, too. but then something surprising happened that luca wasn't expecting. as he continued to pull her tank top up in an attempt to pull it over her head, she stopped him. yup, she did. she place her hands on his and pushed them down, it was weird how it felt like her hand's were boulders and was pushing him down a hill. what? what was going on? luca was really confused. she cursed and leaned her head on his shoulder for a moment. "i can't do this." she pushed his hands back to his sides and squeezed out from underneath him. he wanted to say, 'why?' but was probably going to sound like a big douchebag.

"i can't have you say no again." oh, so this was how it was going to be. he got it now. he stopped her one too many times and now she was going to play this card. suddenly, luca was so incredibly pissed. he walked up to her. "i wasn't going to stop this time. but if you want to play this game tonight, i'm out." he picked up the half intact/half ripped button down shirt and put his arms through it and buttoned it as best he could. he dug in his pocket and found the keys. the keys to his real car. he grabbed maggie's hand and opened her palm. "here," he said to her. "you can take the car back in the morning. ill just take a bus back." maybe he was overreacting, but luca was just pissed. tonight could have been so much different. no games, no fighting, just... the two of them. he grabbed his duffelbag off the floor. "i just.... i just need to be by myself tonight. sorry," he said before walking out of the door.

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STATUS, complete CRED, format and graphics to me LOCATION & TIME, san fran, usa, december 2007 LYRICS, "contagious" - trapt CLOTHES, too lazy to find anything. black tux, those awesome classes. TAGGED, maggie! I SAY,thought that was a nice way to wrap it up. big!plot???????????
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